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Thread: Secret relationship?

  1. #11
    Member FraniMar22's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Is he still on the dating site?
    I'm not sure if he is or not. I'm sure I do need counseling if I'm willing to still put up with this . It makes me unhappy and even more insecure. Also, I just enjoy Facebook reconnecting with friends, seeing what other people are up to.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    2 years and he refuses to acknowledge you to his friends and family and people on FB?

    You are a secret. He wants you around but he doesn't want you cramping his style in case a better deal comes along.

    It's fairly easy to see that.

    A man in love should be proud to show you off, he's not doing that either.

    Why are you allowing yourself to be treated so badly?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Oh right, you've met his family, a few times but it's still the same deal...he doesn't want you cramping his style on FB incase someone better comes along.

    He wants to look single to all the ladies that he is liking their pictures.

    It's pretty pathetic to be honest.

  4. #14
    Member FraniMar22's Avatar
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    So, no one here feels like he's hiding something -- just me being insecure? Maybe I should note at least twice he has had his relationship all over Facebook with pictures, etc. So, it can't be that he's too private. I saw the pictures and the comments. Why so different for me?

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I remember your last feed very clearly. We can continue to focus on the nitty gritty of social media, or we can focus on what the nitty-gritty points at: that you are deeply uncomfortable inside this relationship, more anxious than calm, more doubtful than secure. When those become the dominant feelings in a relationship itís typically best to listen to them rather than try to eliminate them through tags, status updates, and the creation of proxy tests where FB becomes the barometer of emotional health.

    Whether heís just not into it as you are, or whether heís just not into FB as you are, the path youíre on is a path to heightened nerves and discomfort not calm and deeper connection. I mean, thereís a reason you think heís only doing these gestures for you to see: because he is. Heís trying to offer you something to soothe you while also being himself, be that a man who is more private on FB or a man who is not as committed to this as you are.

    Speaking for myself? This would drive me bonkers. Iím in a relationship with someone I am crazy about. If my gf wanted to announce, in a status update, that we are together Iíd be weirded out, because I donít do that. Never have. Fortunately, it doesnít come up, ever. Weíre on the same page on that, one of those little things that make the big thing possible. If she needed someone who validated the relationship through social mediaóno judgement, but it would mean Iím not the one for her and sheís not the one for me.

    Maybe itís time to think about it in those terms rather than in the dizzying muck of tags, likes, and updates?
    Blue, she doesn't even know if he's still active on a dating site. Three months ago he was.

    Facebook is a symptom. I have to presume it's easier to focus on that than on what's really going on here...OP, you are anxious and unsure about this relationship and for good reason. Question is, why continue when you know for a fact it isn't going to change?

  7. #16
    Member FraniMar22's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    2 years and he refuses to acknowledge you to his friends and family and people on FB?

    You are a secret. He wants you around but he doesn't want you cramping his style in case a better deal comes along.

    It's fairly easy to see that.

    A man in love should be proud to show you off, he's not doing that either.

    Why are you allowing yourself to be treated so badly?
    Honestly, I don't know why I'm allowing this. It is pathetic that I have so little self worth.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by FraniMar22
    I'm not sure if he is or not. I'm sure I do need counseling if I'm willing to still put up with this . It makes me unhappy and even more insecure. Also, I just enjoy Facebook reconnecting with friends, seeing what other people are up to.
    I strongly suggest more face-to-face with friends, it is much more substantial than likes and posts. I also suggest expanding your social life and getting off of social media.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by FraniMar22
    So, no one here feels like he's hiding something -- just me being insecure? Maybe I should note at least twice he has had his relationship all over Facebook with pictures, etc. So, it can't be that he's too private. I saw the pictures and the comments. Why so different for me?
    Um, no. Most of us agree that he has reasons for wanting to keep you a secret. Also, the fact that you don't even know if he's active on a dating site.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    He is hiding something...he's hiding YOU.

    He does not want you claiming territory on his FB page and he is getting angry over you trying to do it.

    He wants to look like he's single and by the sounds of it, nothing is going to change his mind.

    Heck no, you're not being insecure, FB now a days is the announcement place to all if anyone important enters your life.
    He doesn't want that with you.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by FraniMar22
    Honestly, I don't know why I'm allowing this. It is pathetic that I have so little self worth.
    That's just an excuse to stay in this situation. Oh, I'm pathetic and I can't do anything about it! Yes, you can. But it's a choice; be strong or cast yourself in a victim role. Which do you prefer?

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