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Thread: Relationship with grandparents

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    "I was the financing her plus her little pension." This does not make sense?

    "I am tired and she ask me to stuff consecutively." I do not understand this, either?

    If you can afford for an aide to come in to give you some free time, do so. This will wear you down if you do not get some me time.
    Thanks for the insight.

    I believe that it is not my responsibility 100% to take care of my grandmother. Her children should somehow contribute in terms of financial matters. But in the context that there's a family conflict and no one has the patience to take care and understand her, I took the initiative.

    Since I am the only person whom she could count on in the house, she asked me to do this and do that even I am tired from work.

    Yes, I am looking for a better job that has relatively higher salary so that someone could take care when I am not around or someone she can talk to with.

    Alternatively, I am thinking of a housemaid.

    I have tried in the past with a housemaid, but I was doubtful with the identity of the woman. If I will be accepted by the company I applying for I will find an agency who can provide better housemaids. For security reason, it is hard to trust my grandmother to strangers. This is why I juggle job and my responsibility to her.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    I'm guessing English isn't your native language so it's a little difficult to understand some of what you have posted. I will take a good guess at what you are trying to say.

    So if she has only a small pension, what about contacting social services and see if you can find a government funded seniors residence for low income seniors. You will have time for yourself, but also have better quality time with her when you visit. In most senior places, they have fun activities/ and social interaction for healthy stimulation, which will make her feel better. It's definitely better than being stuck in a house just cleaning with no real social interaction with people her own age.
    Thank you for the insight.

    Yes, Englis is not my native language. Someone has suggested me similar idea but in my country that is not fully acceptable, culturally speaking.

    In addition, I am not comfortable with that. I want to have quality time with her. She's already old and I don't want her to feel abandoned. In the past, one of her children opened up this kind of idea to her and she got depressed. She has lived in all of her kids' houses and she once expressed to me that her children treated her like a ball, after few months she will be passed to another child.
    She even lived abroad with her two children but no one has the patience.

    I also have plans in my life. I still want to travel abroad. Take a masteral course.

    I was thinking to bring her back to one of her children at the right time. When everyone is already healed from our family problem. As of the moment this is not the right time.

    In the event, that they are not willing to take care of her. I will still take care of her but I think a dedicated and trustworthy aide or housemaid is all I need.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    If she has such a little pension, why would her children be angry at you for not letting them manage her finances?

    This doesn't make sense either.
    "Because they probably think she has more money than she actually has. They think money is her motivation to take care of granny."

    Smackie9's response is correct. In addition, ever since I was a kid, she has trusted me and my mother managing her finances. In the past, she had bad experience with her children in terms of financial matters.

    They are also angry because I am just her granddaughter and they are her children. It is such an insult that the granddaughter who is the one holding the money instead of them.

  4. #14
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Do any of her children have legal power of attorney? If she were to pass away, you wouldn't have authority over her estate before her children.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Who was caring for her? Your aunts and uncles? Since you want her living with you, but are finding her age related issues difficult, hire some help with her money to spend some time with her perhaps grooming or taking her out . Also look into senior resources. Does she speak English or whatever language the country you are in speaks? If so then take her to places where she can socialize with people her own age and make friends. She must feel terribly isolated and displaced living with you.
    Originally Posted by amihan
    My mother died just few months ago. As the only daughter, it felt so bad that the person who as always there for me for 27 years is already gone. My father had already passed away too when I was young. Since her death, I did not cried so much and I was motivated to reconstruct my life. From Europe, I decided not to continue my studies and to reconstruct once again my life in Asia.

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