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Thread: He booked a hotel room...

  1. #1
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    He booked a hotel room...

    So this is a strange situation. I moved states at the end of last year and right before I left, I went for a drink with a guy I vaguely knew from work. I had never been attracted to him but we got along really really well. We ended up spending hours together and had a great time. We kissed at the end of the evening, and I got the feeling he was really attracted to me, but for me, the next day I wondered if I would not have done that if I hadn't had a couple of drinks (since i felt no prior attraction).

    He invited me to meet him for lunch a few days later and I couldn't make it. As I mentioned, I moved out of state. Throughout the last 8 months we've kept in touch as friends but I know he's really into me.

    For the next week I'm home for a friend's wedding and I'm staying at my parent's house for 8 days. He suggested we meet for a dinner and I agreed, still feeling unsure. He lives a few hours drive away and after I agreed, he immediately booked his tickets and a fancy hotel room.

    Maybe the journey warrants an overnight stay but I get the feeling that he expects something to happen. I'm not understanding why he'd shell out $150 for that otherwise.

    Originally I agreed because I thought a catch up would be nice, but now I'm feeling uncomfortable. I don't know what to do for the best. He also made a joke about some heels I wore in a social media photo and how I should wear them and "keep them on" - ick!

    Now he's booked everything I don't know if it's best to cancel or at least go to dinner and be polite. I don't mean to be horrible, he's not ugly its just that im just not sure of my reaction. I'd ordinarily go on the date and see but I'm feeling really awkward that he expects sex.

    I think my reaction to him making that suggestion should not be "ick" but I don't think I'd want to go on a date with any guy when i felt like he was expecting sex.

    I should add that there is a 15 year age gap between us. Im 28 and hes 43. I feel like physical attraction is a big part of it for him whereas for me it was our common interests.

    Since hes already paid for his hotel and train, is it unspeakable to cancel the day before? Should I go along for dinner then make my excuses?

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    You agreed to meet him for dinner. He shouldn't have any expectations beyond that, and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty because he paid for a hotel room.

    The comment about keeping your heels on is a huge red flag, and to be honest, really creepy.

    I think you should go to dinner and then split.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    Go to dinner but don't go back to the hotel with him. Easy. If he books it and is expecting more, that's on him, not you.

  4. #4
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    Take your own transportation. Do not allow him to pick you up.

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  6. #5
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    If you know that he likes you, and you do not reciprocate the feelings, you should cut it off. Are you doing this for an ego boost?

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    If you know that he likes you, and you do not reciprocate the feelings, you should cut it off. Are you doing this for an ego boost?
    It's not an ego boost. I had a good time with him. I wanted to give it a second date to see if the attraction grew and I could get to know him better. It's also been almost a year since I last saw him.

    It's just that I feel that his interest shows as a bit full on whereas I'm not sure yet - isn't that the whole point of dating?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Maybe itís just my impression, just seems youíre a bit wobbly with your boundaries. I personally wouldnít even go with him to dinner.

    Also, and again this is just me, you just see him as a friend, he sees you as more and is chasing you and giving you attention. Youíre fresh out of a relationship and probably appreciate the ego boost and soft place to land, as creepy as he sounds... he deserves you being abundantly clear where you stand as well as not going along just for the attention. No means no. You want to be his friend, he wants more that, thereís an impasse, walk away. Completely. To not do so is selfish and can really put you at risk quite frankly. Thatís my advice, leave it alone, heís not trying to be your friend, you like the attention, but youíre playing with fire.

  9. #8
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    He's moving too fast for the likes of you!

    There's something creepy about him, too.

    I wouldn't cancel dinner because that would be a prime opportunity to tell him in person that you will politely decline the hotel room and be clear with your communication and tell him that you're just acquaintances or new friends at the most. He shouldn't get his hopes up only to become disappointed by his expectations from you.

    It's up to you, however, the 28 vs. 43 age gap will create problems later due to obvious reasons. You're a completely different removed generation from him. You're young and at the prime of your young adulthood whereas he's middle aged already. It's not easy to get along with a man so much older than you are and in some cases, one day, he'll think you're immature and he's almost a father figure already.

    And who cares if he already paid for the hotel and train? It was his mistake to be so presumptuous in the first place.

    It's most definitely "ick!" So gross. He wants sex and you don't even know each other well yet. Oh and another thing he's from work! Run for the hills! It will be even more awkward if you're more than acquaintances or friends with him. Steer clear of this guy. Remain professional and polite; no more no less. You need some clear boundaries with this guy.

    That was a kinky comment about his suggestions that you should keep your heels on. Oh my what a guy!

    And yes, you had a couple of drinks and alcohol naturally lowers your inhibitions so of course, you're relaxed and kissed. Your alcohol induced mind let your guard down and clouded your judgment.

    Beware.

  10. #9
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Take your own transportation. Do not allow him to pick you up.
    Right. Think about date rape.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Maybe itís just my impression, just seems youíre a bit wobbly with your boundaries. I personally wouldnít even go with him to dinner.

    Also, and again this is just me, you just see him as a friend, he sees you as more and is chasing you and giving you attention. Youíre fresh out of a relationship and probably appreciate the ego boost and soft place to land, as creepy as he sounds... he deserves you being abu dangly clear where you stand as well as not going along just for the attention. No means no. You want to be his friend, he wants more that, thereís an impasse, walk away. Completely.
    Thatís my advice.
    I don't think that I did anything strange boundary wise.

    It was more that after meeting just once I wanted more time to see how I felt, and meet again - rather than him immediately make sexual suggestions and my discomfort about the hotel issue.

    I wasn't attracted to him initially, but we did have a great time together and a lot in common.

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