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Thread: He booked a hotel room...

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by rchubn
    Well, there's other reasons for booking a room. You don't have to have sex just because there's a room and he could've booked it for other reasons. Sometimes when dates go well, people find themselves wanting to go somewhere intimate (without being sexually intimate) so they can have that one on one privacy while you chat and get to know each other.

    You CAN'T get to know someone by solely meeting in public places. Everyone's acting their best behavior in public. You need private conversation and one on one time to really dictate if you two are compatible.

    If he wants to get to know you during this trip, getting a room is the only option if he's not local.

    See how the date goes... if he comes off as creepy you can always cut the night short and retreat to your own accommodations. If it goes well, why not have some non sexual one on one time? A glass of wine and a movie.

    If he's disappointed you didn't put out, that is his problem.
    And a hotel room is the one and only option for a private conversation?

    I mean, maybe if you're desperate to snag a man. But I don't get desperation vibes from the OP. She seems to be fine in that department.

    OP, I strongly recommend you do NOT take this course of action!

  2. #32
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Along with some of the others, I can’t help but feel that what’s making you uncomfortable is not just his intentions—which are obvious—but your own when it comes to him.

    When the communication was just over the phone, with lots of space, it was one of those “things”—a little fluttery, totally safe, less than a real, developing friendship than a kind of escape hatch that is part “friendship,” part flirtation. An older guy you know is very attracted to you that you can talk to here and there. Feels good. You’re a human. Humans like feeling wanted, even by humans we don’t want back.

    But, gun to head, you’ve never taken him seriously as a prospect, not for real romance, not even for another random hookup. His asking to meet up kind of reminded you, uncomfortably, that he’s been on a different page these past 8 months, which of course you’ve known. His mentioning the hotel, the heels—well, now you know just how different that page is. What you’ve known semi-consciously has now been made conscious.

    So, what to do?

    The obvious answer is to skip the dinner and let this go, to take the hotel and heels stuff, as well as the nervy energy in your spirit, as a sign that this has run its course. You lose the fluttery thing, but you gain the comfort of being honest—with yourself. But it seems you don’t want to do that, for whatever reasons—perhaps, I think, because you don’t quite want to own that you’ve been part of cultivating this dynamic. Okay. So bring your own car, have dinner, and deal with the awkwardness of his flirtation, of his mentioning the hotel, of his making a pass (or ten), of his seeing if you’d like to check out the room. End result? Odds are you two won’t talk much, if at all, after that.

    Sometimes we need to step, knowingly, into an awkward situation in order to avoid them in the future. If you were my friend I’d really, really caution against this one. Chances of a chill, enjoyable night with zero weirdness are low; chances of an awkward one are sky high. Add in the small chance of that awkwardness getting really awkward in unfortunate ways and...well, why?

  3. #33
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Elpida90
    Now he's booked everything I don't know if it's best to cancel or at least go to dinner and be polite. I don't mean to be horrible, he's not ugly its just that im just not sure of my reaction. I'd ordinarily go on the date and see but I'm feeling really awkward that he expects sex.
    What do you want to do?

    He made the choice to book a hotel room. It's his money and he can do what he wants with it. You are not responsible for his choices and they shouldn't govern your decisions.

    So, do you want to go or not?

    If you want to go, then go.

    It's his own business why he booked the hotel room. Whatever his reason, you are not obligated to go to his hotel room. You are not obligated to have sex with him.

    Have fun. Go to dinner, catch up, then go home to your parents' house.

    If you don't want to go, then don't go.

    But let him know as soon as possible so that he has a chance to cancel his reservation.

    Originally Posted by Elpida90
    Since hes already paid for his hotel and train, is it unspeakable to cancel the day before? Should I go along for dinner then make my excuses?
    He wouldn't be charged for the stay until he's actually completed it, or unless he cancels within 24-hours of check in for his scheduled stay.

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    What do you want to do?

    He made the choice to book a hotel room. It's his money and he can do what he wants with it. You are not responsible for his choices and they shouldn't govern your decisions.

    So, do you want to go or not?

    If you want to go, then go.

    It's his own business why he booked the hotel room. Whatever his reason, you are not obligated to go to his hotel room. You are not obligated to have sex with him.

    Have fun. Go to dinner, catch up, then go home to your parents' house.

    If you don't want to go, then don't go.

    But let him know as soon as possible so that he has a chance to cancel his reservation.



    He wouldn't be charged for the stay until he's actually completed it, or unless he cancels within 24-hours of check in for his scheduled stay.
    Sadly so many hotel rooms now require a 48 hour cancellation at least -the major chains that is. Just mentioning that in case it helps when you next book travel!

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  6. #35
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    His idea. His dime.

  7. #36
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Sadly so many hotel rooms now require a 48 hour cancellation at least -the major chains that is. Just mentioning that in case it helps when you next book travel!
    Jeez. Fortunately, I haven't seen that yet, but will look out for it.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Basically this thread wouldn't have happened if you had put your foot down......especially after his comment about the heels. I would have countered with "AND why would you say that??" Then I would continue with "I think you are getting the wrong impression here...." "This is JUST dinner."

    I wouldn't go...he can find someone else.

  9. #38
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    Basically this thread wouldn't have happened if you had put your foot down......especially after his comment about the heels. I would have countered with "AND why would you say that??" Then I would continue with "I think you are getting the wrong impression here...." "This is JUST dinner."

    I wouldn't go...he can find someone else.
    Yes! Great and confident response.

  10. #39
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    What do you want to do?

    He made the choice to book a hotel room. It's his money and he can do what he wants with it. You are not responsible for his choices and they shouldn't govern your decisions.

    So, do you want to go or not?

    If you want to go, then go.

    It's his own business why he booked the hotel room. Whatever his reason, you are not obligated to go to his hotel room. You are not obligated to have sex with him.

    Have fun. Go to dinner, catch up, then go home to your parents' house.

    If you don't want to go, then don't go.

    But let him know as soon as possible so that he has a chance to cancel his reservation.



    He wouldn't be charged for the stay until he's actually completed it, or unless he cancels within 24-hours of check in for his scheduled stay.




    Not true. The reservation could be non refundable, and not all properties allow 24 hours to cancel-could be 48 hours, or even a week. But, it is not her problem.

  11. #40
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Who cares whether he gets charged for the room or not. He was presumptuous enough to make the reservation with unrealistic expectations. It would serve him right to spend money on a hotel and have to spend the night alone.


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