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Thread: He booked a hotel room...

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You sound nervous, OP. I'm reading that you're interested and curious and want to see how far you can take it and (honestly) enjoy the company of a new man but this guy makes you nervous and the implied intimacy is tripping your anxiety buttons quite a lot. If you're not sure how to handle him or any of his flirtations or feel you may get trapped or find yourself in a difficult situation you don't know how to get out of, don't go. He sounds harmless to me but that's just me. You have to listen to your own feeling on this.

    If you're feeling like you're a bit in over your head and seriously want to cut and run, I'd cancel. He's not going to lose any sleep over you, to be honest. He's probably got others to meet in the same city and you may be overthinking this a little too much. Take it easy and enjoy a night out with your friends instead if you're not feeling good about this.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    My advice? Life is too short for this crap. You have zero obligations to him, you don't owe him a darn thing.

    Yeah, you agreed to dinner, but so what? You're allowed to change your mind, especially if he's going to be a creep and talk to you like you're a prostitute.

    I say, tell him you can't make it and don't bother with him again. It's a waste of your life and and a waste of his life as you're both expecting very different things.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    He's probably got others to meet in the same city and you may be overthinking this a little too much
    Sad but true. If he is this forward with women, he'll be banging someone in your place...just keep walking and don't look back.

  4. #24
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    Well, there's other reasons for booking a room. You don't have to have sex just because there's a room and he could've booked it for other reasons. Sometimes when dates go well, people find themselves wanting to go somewhere intimate (without being sexually intimate) so they can have that one on one privacy while you chat and get to know each other.

    You CAN'T get to know someone by solely meeting in public places. Everyone's acting their best behavior in public. You need private conversation and one on one time to really dictate if you two are compatible.

    If he wants to get to know you during this trip, getting a room is the only option if he's not local.

    See how the date goes... if he comes off as creepy you can always cut the night short and retreat to your own accommodations. If it goes well, why not have some non sexual one on one time? A glass of wine and a movie.

    If he's disappointed you didn't put out, that is his problem.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    @ rchubn?? A date in a hotel room? Maybe you should higher your standards.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    My only concerns would be how nervous she sounds. This doesn't sound like a fun play date to me from her pov. It sounds more like she may feel more overwhelmed and intimidated. For those reasons, I don't think this is a good idea overall. Hope this helps anyway... Be safe!

  8. #27
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    Personally, if someone asks me to do something that I don't want to do (whether that be come to their hotel room or whatever), I just politely say 'no thanks' (and just be a bit firmer with them if they persist). If you're really struggling to do this (and the fact you've created a thread about it suggests you are), then I'd say that this isn't so much an issue with this specific guy - you just need to work on your assertiveness.

    To go back to this guy, yeah he probably is hoping for sex (I'm a guy and I know how most us men think!). But at the same time, I don't think booking a hotel room means he's expecting it. I know lots of guys who aren't short of a few quid who'll happily spend 100 / 150 on a hotel room in a city away from home with the main purpose being just so they can have a good few beers.

  9. #28
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    Reminds me of the time a coworker who I did have a little crush on (never told him!!) -and who had a girlfriend - asked if he could come to my place to watch Seinfeld -there was some big episode (and yes pre internet, he hadn't DVR'd it, he was visiting our office location from out of town) -and I was so naive I said ok -figured -he has a girlfriend, we'll watch the show, nothing at all will happen. Then he told me he'd packed a change of clothes "just in case" (yes he had a hotel room). So I uninvited him. The end. (Yes, I was right that he cheated on his girlfriend. Now they've been married for many years but I lost touch with him after he left our company a few months later -so yes even people who behave like that I guess can redeem themselves or perhaps she's cool with an open marriage)

    I think it's fine to give someone a second chance to see if attraction will grow. I wouldn't in this case because he's acting in a creepy way booking the hotel room.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by rchubn
    Well, there's other reasons for booking a room. You don't have to have sex just because there's a room and he could've booked it for other reasons. Sometimes when dates go well, people find themselves wanting to go somewhere intimate (without being sexually intimate) so they can have that one on one privacy while you chat and get to know each other.

    You CAN'T get to know someone by solely meeting in public places. Everyone's acting their best behavior in public. You need private conversation and one on one time to really dictate if you two are compatible.

    If he wants to get to know you during this trip, getting a room is the only option if he's not local.

    See how the date goes... if he comes off as creepy you can always cut the night short and retreat to your own accommodations. If it goes well, why not have some non sexual one on one time? A glass of wine and a movie.

    If he's disappointed you didn't put out, that is his problem.
    I don't know of any conversation that could not be had in public. It would show very poor judgment and a lack of boundaries to go to his room.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I don't know of any conversation that could not be had in public. It would show very poor judgment and a lack of boundaries to go to his room.
    So apparently I've already given Holly too many reputation points and it won't let me give her more yet lol, so I'll post this instead: Agree completely.

    Do not, under any circumstances, go to his hotel room. Even if you have an amazing time at dinner! Yes, even if. He booked his room, let him go back to it. You say goodnight, thank him for dinner, and that's that. Want to spend more time afterwards? Go for dessert somewhere.

    And yeah, I'd find the whole thing creepy: booking the hotel room, telling you to leave your high heels on..... Ewwww. Me? I'd cancel the whole thing.

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