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Thread: He booked a hotel room...

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Elpida90
    It's not an ego boost. I had a good time with him. I wanted to give it a second date to see if the attraction grew and I could get to know him better. It's also been almost a year since I last saw him.

    It's just that I feel that his interest shows as a bit full on whereas I'm not sure yet - isn't that the whole point of dating?
    Your thread indicates that you do not have any attraction, and only see him as a friend. You said you talk to him due to common interests.

    I never continue a friendship with someone who likes me, as it can be painful for the other party. I believe you would certainly know after a year if you like him, and you said you wanted to cancel the dinner. This does not indicate, in any way, that you want to date him, it is quite the opposite.

    Sorry, this is attention seeking.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Your thread indicates that you do not have any attraction, and only see him as a friend. You said you talk to him due to common interests.

    I never continue a friendship with someone who likes me, as it can be painful for the other party. I believe you would certainly know after a year if you like him, and you said you wanted to cancel the dinner. This does not indicate, in any way, that you want to date him, it is quite the opposite.

    Sorry, this is attention seeking.
    I don't understand why you seem to find it necessary to argue when people are seeking an opinion. I explained myself and you are telling me what I feel and what I am doing.

    I explained and won't reiterate. Yes I mentioned cancelling the dinner but as I said, it's due to his sexual remarks and the hotel. I didn't find him attractive at first but wanted to give it a chance, hence why I agreed in the first place before his comments.

    It may have been a year, but that's a year of speaking briefly intermittently and not even living near each other or seeing each other in person. So.

    I don't need to attention seek, as I get plenty of male attention as it is.

  3. #13
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    Is he picking you up or are you using your own transportation?

    And I do not recommend an Uber or Lyft. He can say 'Oh, don't take that, I can take you!!" And then drive you to his hotel because he "needs to pick something up" and then you can come in "for just one drink".

  4. #14
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Elpida90
    I don't think that I did anything strange boundary wise.

    It was more that after meeting just once I wanted more time to see how I felt, and meet again - rather than him immediately make sexual suggestions and my discomfort about the hotel issue.

    I wasn't attracted to him initially, but we did have a great time together and a lot in common.
    You just said in your original post you are not romantically interested him but he is interested in you, did you not? So then you are romantically interested?

    You just said in your original post you donít believe you would have kissed him had you not been drinking, am I misinterpreting that as well?

    You enjoy spending time together because youíre fresh out of a relationship and heís giving you attention. He is interested in you romantically, or sexually, heís not doing all this for sh*ts and giggles, and a dude who wants friendship isnít going to mention you keeping your high heels on.

    Stop. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200$. You are playing with fire and could potentially get yourself into an unsafe situation. Make a new friend, this is a bad idea.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Is he picking you up or are you using your own transportation?

    And I do not recommend an Uber or Lyft. He can say 'Oh, don't take that, I can take you!!" And then drive you to his hotel because he "needs to pick something up" and then you can come in "for just one drink".
    Thanks. I was planning to take my own transport. He's in my city so it's quite easy for me to get there and back and I won't be dependent on him in any way.

  7. #16
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    I apologize if I misunderstood. I thought that you did not have any feeling prior to his inappropriate comment.

    Take your own car and make the dinner short.

    Did you think there may have been a possibility, even with the age difference and distance?

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    You just said in your original post you are not romantically interested him but he is interested in you, did you not? So then you are romantically interested?

    You just said in your original post you donít believe you would have kissed him had you not been drinking, am I misinterpreting that as well?

    You enjoy spending time together because youíre fresh out of a relationship and heís giving you attention. He is interested in you romantically, or sexually, heís not doing all this for sh*ts and giggles, and a dude who wants friendship isnít going to mention you keeping your high heels on.

    Stop. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200$. You are playing with fire and could potentially get yourself into an unsafe situation. Make a new friend, this is a bad idea.
    As I said, initially I never saw him in that way but I was open to see on a second date as we got along so well and had a lot in common. He is not a friendzoned guy that I am stringing along for attention.

    Looks aren't everything from my perspective so I was open to meeting again for dinner. My point was when I am not sure of my feelings, the second date should be an opportunity to see, rather than feeling uncomfortable about the hotel matter at an early stage.

    As I said it's not that I am looking for attention straight out of a relationship. I have plenty of options, I just felt a connection with him yet wasn't sure of the physical and then felt iffy about the sexual comments.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Elpida90
    As I said, initially I never saw him in that way but I was open to see on a second date as we got along so well and had a lot in common. He is not a friendzoned guy that I am stringing along for attention.

    Looks aren't everything from my perspective so I was open to meeting again for dinner. My point was when I am not sure of my feelings, the second date should be an opportunity to see, rather than feeling uncomfortable about the hotel matter at an early stage.

    As I said it's not that I am looking for attention straight out of a relationship. I have plenty of options, I just felt a connection with him yet wasn't sure of the physical and then felt iffy about the sexual comments.
    Understood.

    As I said, you donít seem to have very strong boundaries, maybe because you arenít sure of your feelings about him. I still think this is about rebounding and the attention, but Iíll play along, he is bringing up sex after one date, heís past letís see if weíre interested territory, he has a goal and again at his age, I doubt he would risk scaring off a woman he wants to date after only one date by mentioning keeping your heels on.

    Iím sorry. I think youíre being naive here, I think, you think, you have more power over this situation than you actually do.

    I kinda think this guys trying to get lucky with a younger woman and I think if he keep poking at you, youíll potentially feel pressured and give into something you donít really want to do because you just got out of a relationship in June...

    I think youíre vulnerable and deep down you know something is not quite right which is why youíre posting.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    I agree with FIO 100%.

    And you know what? If you ever feel uncomfortable with a situation, which it sounds like you are now about this date, you do not have to do anything simply out of not wanting to look rude. I've lived by the rule : if I'm not totally comfortable with it, I don't, and it has served me well. You do not have to apologize to anyone about looking after your own self.

    It's clear he does anticipate having sex happen.

  11. #20
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Obviously he didn't book a hotel room to have you play a game of checkers. That said (imo) the writing is on the wall, and in this day and age that's a risk not worth taking.

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