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Thread: The Non-Texter...Is he interested?

  1. #1

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    The Non-Texter...Is he interested?

    So, I met this guy online last week. He asked me out to dinner Thursday night, and we had very little communication in between. We really hit it off, had some intense conversations and we closed the place down. He walked me home, kissed me, and invited me to a concert Saturday night. We briefly talked about texting, and he did say he was really horrible at it. Saturday night comes around, and we go to the concert. We have an amazing time, and he walks me home again. We had some drinks at my place, again followed by some pretty intense conversations till 3 am. I ended up sleeping with him, and he stayed the night. He hung around til almost noon Sunday. He told me several times he thought I was beautiful, and told me once while we were lounging around that he really liked me. I asked him why, and he gave me a list of reasons. He seems very in to me when we are together. I am getting ready to go on vacation for a week on Wednesday to see my family, and he did ask to see me again Tuesday night before I go.
    After he left my place yesterday, I didn't hear anything from him, so I texted him around 6 pm and asked if he got everything taken care of..he did respond, but his texts were very brief. In fact, 75% of the time I am the one to initiate in between dates..he always answers, but the only time he reaches out to me is to confirm plans. Is this weird? This has been consistent since I started talking to him. I suppose it's worth noting that he is 15 years older than me..I'm 33, and he is 48. He is very technologically savvy though, so it isn't because he is slow at typing, etc. His account is still on the dating site, but he hasn't logged in for a few days, which wasn't typical of him before Saturday. I am hoping it's because he wants to see where this goes with me. I learned on our first date that he is a pretty famous artist. If he were just interested in sleeping with someone, I don't think he would have any issues doing that. He keeps asking me out, so I am hoping he is sincere, and that his intentions are good..I just don't understand the lack of communication in between dates. To me, it seems if you're really in to someone, and are serious about pursuing them, you would be in touch in between dates. Thoughts?

  2. #2
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    I don't understand why you are concerned at all. You've seen him twice since contacting him a week ago ad he wants to see you before you leave. What's not sincere IMO is the opposite -someone who texts a lot to someone he or she barely knows but makes little effort to see the person in person. I'm in my early 50s. When I dated (until 2005) I didn't have a cell phone. Typical contact between early dates was a phone call once or twice a week basically to say hi and plan for the next date. Some guys emailed in between some and some did messenger. I never evaluated a guy's interest level as to whether he typed to me in between dates -if he was asking to see me in person regularly I assumed he was interested in getting to know me - in person - isn't that the main point? Why do you need a guy to contact you more than to make another date when you've only just met him? Don't you want to get to know him in person? Seems he feels that way about you. I wouldn't check on his activity on the dating site. He could be on other dating sites or meeting people in person. You will know if he is interested in dating you if he asks you out on dates regularly.

  3. #3
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    You have already seen him twice within a week, and have plans for Tuesday. What is with all the anxiety?

    Stop reaching out to him. He told you he is terrible at texting. Let him reach out to you.

    if this is not your relationship style, then find someone else. You need to chill out. And, stop stalking him.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Sleeping with men early doesnít seem to be something youíre capable of doing. I would refrain from here on out, you are expecting more than what should be after only 2 dates. You cant undo it and reassuring you is a temporary fix at best and quite frankly, Iím not going to soothe your anxiety, you have to start to be conscious of your boundaries and expectations and the proper care of your emotional health, you knew his texting style, you went forward with this knowledge and engaged in sexual intercourse very early, your prerogative, you donít get to let your anxiety run rampant now, well you can but thereís really no way to truly fix it, he is who he is especially at his age, you are either ok with it or not. If itís causing you this much anxiety Id guess not...

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  6. #5
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    What exactly is it you want from texts that you can't get from in-person interaction?

    Why is texting more important than actually seeing him in person?

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    Also, if you have such an early attachment to men, then you should reconsider having sex so quickly. Why not wait until you know you are compatible and have gotten to know one another.

    You have been on two dates. How can he be really into you?

    Do you usually date people who are so much older?

    Have a fun trip and don't stress over this!

  8. #7
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Iíd focus less on how much heís texting than on whether heís showing genuine interest in continuing to see you, and get to know you. Which he is: two, likely three, dates in a week. Great. Continue seeing how it goes, if youíre genuinely into him, if you feel heís genuinely interested back, and so on.

    Given that youíve only met twice, I think it would be more alarming if he was ďreally intoĒ you, and blowing up your phone like an insta-bf, than how he is behaving now, which is pretty in line with how a secure person acts after two fine dates. I understand that sex changes things, potentially turning up the volume on the emotional and expectations dial, but itís still just two dates between adults. Adults who had sex, yes, but that doesnít really change things when itís just the second date. Could all go any which way, as is always the case after two dates, be they chaste or saucy.

    So enjoy Tuesday, enjoy your trip, enjoy the exploration of it all. Time will answer your questions.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    In person is a much better indicator of interest. Discuss exclusivity. Don't turn this into a text-buddy situation.
    Originally Posted by JClick20
    -He asked me out to dinner Thursday night
    -We briefly talked about texting, and he did say he was really horrible at it.
    -Saturday night comes around, and we go to the concert. I ended up sleeping with him, and he stayed the night.
    -he did ask to see me again Tuesday night before I go.
    -His account is still on the dating site, but he hasn't logged in for a few days

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I would slow down the texts and let him come to you. If he's not feeling it, he's not feeling it. There's nothing you can do about someone else's response or lack of response. He may also be finding you way more than enough initiating all the text messages. He doesn't have to lift a finger because you're doing all the lifting. I'd watch for personality traits like that and just enjoy your time together. It's called complacency at the worst end of it. I do not think it's at the worst end if he's initiating 25% of the time. It sounds more like you're just impatient with his style. There's also no point reading too much into it if he's just not giving you what you want : your level of communication in a relationship.

    I don't suggest ignoring his communication style altogether either though. Just check him out for the time being. If you expect more after physical intimacy don't sleep with him again until you get to know each other better.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    I mean.....in reality you only had two dates. His communication in between dates is actually normal for this stage of dating. It would be weird and creepy and a huge red flag if he was blowing up your phone constantly. Early going, you set up a date and in between is really nothing more there than to maybe confirm that the date is on as planned and nothing has changed.

    Don't confuse sleeping with a guy with an actual relationship. It takes time and many more dates to get to that stage and you are pretty far away from that. Also, don't confuse texting with intimacy or even interest....or anything really. I mean dude can text you love letters while sitting on the pot hiding from his gf or wife. It's totally worthless.

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