Do I keep going or shall I end it?

[Guy94uk]

Hi all,

I’ve been in a relationship for 1 year and 3/4’s for most of it has been good, we’ve both been happy. I’m 24 and she’s 23. However she has a arthritis condition (I knew this from the start) and has developed worse over the course of us seeing each other.

She has become more and more tired, not wanting to do things and what feels like every free second I have wanting to spend time with me but we don’t really do a lot and it’s getting very boring. I offer suggestions of what to do whilst we’re around each other and it either gets shrugged off or she’s too tired. I do have feelings for her and my mind says stay but I do feel that I’m becoming more of a Care’er than a boyfriend.

I would feel awful if I did leave her as she has lost a lot of confidence since the increase of arthritis as it’s been a long time since she’s felt well. Nothing extreme but it is a hard day to day disease and she has said that other people in the past have left her because she’s ‘too much’. I don’t want to let her down like that as in the beginning we clicked so much and it was great however I just don’t think I can take much more of this boring state.


Help?

[Carus]

Difficult situation.

If you “don’t want to let her down like that” then you’ll have to find a way to adjust...otherwise you probably eventually will.

Many couples become very co-dependant and insular within a relationship regardless of an illness. Do you have much of a life outside of the relationship...? Does she?

Does she herself do all she can to treat the illness...?

Carus*

[Sportster2005]

It sounds like you don't have any good options. If she is this ill at this young age, it's unlikely going to improve. That is my amateur prognosis.

If you were together for fifty years then staying out of love and devotion would seem reasonable. You're not in that position. And it seems staying out of a sense of pity will do neither of you any good in the long run. This poor woman's condition is heartbreaking. I can understand and empathize how difficult a decision this is. Make it soon.

[~Seraphim ~]

People with chronic pain can’t help being in pain or tired. If this is not something you can deal with you need to leave now.

[Gary Snyder]

What's the cause of the arthritis? Maybe it's gluten intolerance?

For some people, a serious medical condition is a dealbreaker.

[melancholy123]

I agree with Seraphim, if you cant handle it now, you better move on. You dont seem like you want a life time of this.

[boltnrun]

Don't do what my father did, bailed after 3 kids and 15 years of marriage because he didn't like having a wife who was ill. If a chronically ill partner is not what you want, bow out now.

[~Seraphim ~]

Exactly. It is cruel to stick around till you are in too deep. I have several severe pain conditions including arthritis. Days and nights can be hell. I was not like this years ago. But my husband and I married for better or worse, good health or bad.

Don't do what my father did, bailed after 3 kids and 15 years of marriage because he didn't like having a wife who was ill. If a chronically ill partner is not what you want, bow out now.

[Wiseman2]

Don't stick around out of pity. It's a disservice to her and you.

[loyal]

You need to be very, very honest with her. Tell her how you feel. If you simply break up with her, she will be more hurt than if you actually talk to her about it and try to work on things. You are not a bad person for feeling this way. You are in a tough spot. The thing about arthritis is, though, that it will probably continue to get worse. NOW is the time to address things!