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Thread: Do I keep going or shall I end it?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Everything and what the others have said already.

    Also, it seems like you do still care for her. It's just a lot to deal with at your age. Make peace and come to terms with what you can and can't handle right now. You said nothing about yourself and your own commitments or how it affects your relationships and work/school. My husband was in a caregiving role for many, many years with his ex-wife until she left him due to depression and dependence on drugs. All this will come back to you and affect you over a long period of time. There are things about him that might have been vastly different if their lives were different back then. I understand acutely the toll it had on him and his health and how it affected his goals and desires in the early part of his life. Be kind to each other and acknowledge your limits. There's no right or wrong here. Just do what's best for you.

  2. #12
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    Is she receiving any sort of medical treatment for her condition, OP?

  3. #13
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Oh, by the way - there is such a thing as a pity relationship. That could be what this is.

  4. #14
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    When all is said and done, she'll have much more respect towards you for being honest, as opposed to staying with her out of guilt. Either way, it's easier said than done, but she is an adult who has the means to handle this.

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  6. #15
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Exit nicely now.

    My MIL (mother-in-law) has always been sickly ever since her wedding day. She's a real drag to my dutiful FIL (father-in-law) who always has to tend to her numerous ailments and act as his wife's nursemaid. She's such a drag that it impacts everything such as plans for outings, spontaneous family related activities, she's not productive nor industrious due to lack of energy, chronic fatigue, aches 'n pains galore. All she wants to do is dine at restaurants, socialize and eat. BORING!!!!! She can't do anything like a normal, healthy able bodied person so excursions or outings are impossible. She has extreme dietary restrictions which makes it a major hassle to home entertain. She complains and whines about her physical limitations and always looking to extract sympathy and assistance from others. She's a pain in the neck. My and many family members' sympathy card ran out years ago. She can't even bend down to tie her shoelaces; someone always has to do it for her. It's to the point where we deliberately limit getting together with my in-laws because MIL is so high maintenance.

    Just know what you're in for and get a reality check.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    There's a difference between being unable to do stuff versus being unwilling. If you are emotionally invested enough in GF for an attempt to find a compromise, I'd discuss your concerns and explore whether she's willing to step up to socialize and do more interesting things with you. Listen to how she responds to this and you'll be able to learn whether she gets defensive and fights you on this, whether she'll humor you by making the right noises while failing to back those up when it comes time for action, or whether she'll actually wake up to the fact that you're too young to put your life on hold to cater to someone who's too enmeshed in keeping her world very small and who expects you to reduce yours as well.

    One of the ways she can compromise is to agree that she will join you in doing stuff with others, and should she find herself unable to do so on a given day, she bows out while you continue on with your plans. Another way she can compromise is to accept that while you want to remain in her life, you'll also want to pursue activities on your own that are natural for a healthy person to engage. Another way she can help to resolve this is to begin participating more in plans you make whenever she is able.

    If you get resistance from GF on any of these compromises, then she's not being victimized by people who abandon her--she's responsible for her own expectations that others squelch their own lives, and that's not a good foundation for ANY relationship. In that case, you'd be well within your rights to skip guilt and move forward.

  8. #17
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    Duplicate.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Exit nicely now.

    My MIL (mother-in-law) has always been sickly ever since her wedding day. She's a real drag to my dutiful FIL (father-in-law) who always has to tend to her numerous ailments and act as his wife's nursemaid. She's such a drag that it impacts everything such as plans for outings, spontaneous family related activities, she's not productive nor industrious due to lack of energy, chronic fatigue, aches 'n pains galore. All she wants to do is dine at restaurants, socialize and eat. BORING!!!!! She can't do anything like a normal, healthy able bodied person so excursions or outings are impossible. She has extreme dietary restrictions which makes it a major hassle to home entertain. She complains and whines about her physical limitations and always looking to extract sympathy and assistance from others. She's a pain in the neck. My and many family members' sympathy card ran out years ago. She can't even bend down to tie her shoelaces; someone always has to do it for her. It's to the point where we deliberately limit getting together with my in-laws because MIL is so high maintenance.

    Just know what you're in for and get a reality check.
    This is so heartless and cruel.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    This is so heartless and cruel.
    I think she was being facetious, at least I hope to god she was.

  11. #20
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Just be aware not everyone likes their in-laws. Lord knows I donít. Mine are dynks.

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