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Thread: Please help me make a decision. Your advice is so appreciated!

  1. #11
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    Yes and yes.

    Thank you. You have given me a lot to think about in this aspect. I will keep you posted.

    Funny enough, my mother (whom I'm very close with) has always stressed the same thing, I guess now I am starting to see it.. I blamed a lot of my compromising before on his health, but now I think it's just his innate nature of expecting me to compromise without question.

  2. #12
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I'm not you, however, if I were you, I wouldn't give up your current plum job because as you say, it will be extremely difficult to attain a great job again whether in a small town or elsewhere. Hang onto your financial independence with all your might because nothing is more secure than being able to survive on your own.

    He promises you two will work it out. Oh sure. Talk is cheap. He doesn't focus on money problems. Yeah, people like to do a funny thing called eat and provide shelter. Let him put a bullet to his head instead of chasing after your job. At least you have job security, a steady paycheck and benefits which are PRICELESS btw. If you enjoy your job, hang on tight to your great job and yes, sitting behind a computer is a life because it pays the bills and you get to enjoy life.

    No, don't leave your job, security and comfort for the man you love. I would never gamble on adventure and faith because with that foolhardy risk, you will lose big time.

    Everything in life is a sacrifice. I would choose financial survival first and foremost and if your partner refuses to comprehend what economic, financial survival means, then you need to rethink if you want to be with a guy who is on a completely different wavelength than you are.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Loanieee
    Yes, to a degree I guess. Hence the unwillingness to compromise I guess. I guess in a way I am questioning, well why should I move. Why can't he move here if he wants to be with me. Why is it only one way.
    Exactly. You should not budge. Isn't it time that this went both ways!

    I think that you already knew the answer to your question.

  4. #14
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    And, listen to your mother.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    The negative commentary about your work and livelihood is unnecessary. Looking down on someone's profession is below the belt. To me, it sounds like he's lost respect for you or has become too comfortable with you. Both of you should speak about the options moving or not moving (the logistics) and resist the urge to deflate the importance of your respective careers or interests. It's not fair to either party and doesn't do anything to solve the issue of logistics. All it does is increase levels of resentment between the both of you. It's already causing you to question whether you can trust him as a whole.

    It's likely that you still feel affection and love for this person so stay any major decisions for the next couple of days. Take the weekend to think about it and clear your head. You should remain financially independent and able to support yourself regardless of any decision you make. Everything else is a matter of what you can tolerate but the negative stuff about your work is not ok.

    You should remember also that a person that cares and loves you (actually loves you) will want to see you succeed. I'm unsure whether he understands this or whether the both of you have grown apart so much that you have no idea anymore what the other person wants or needs to feel fulfilled. Either way, just remain respectful of each other and come back to this when you've thought things through.

  7. #16
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    My ex husband didn't want me to worry about working either. That's because he wanted to be able to control where I went and what I did.

    Try to look at the relationship objectively. Who does the larger percentage of compromising?

  8. #17
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    Hi Cherylyn,


    Thank you for offering your insight. I agree with you on the financial independence and it's nice to hear other opinions because I was seriously doubting if what I wanted in all of this was selfish, but for the first time in my life I feel financially secure and I have little stress. You're helping to make me realise that it's not selfish to want financial independence and it's okay to enjoy my work, despite his opinion on it all.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Exactly. You should not budge. Isn't it time that this went both ways!

    I think that you already knew the answer to your question.
    Yes, I think it's time, you're right. I guess I didn't realise how one sided it was before as I always blamed his health for me compromising so much, however now that he is healthy and I'm still saying 'how high do you want me to jump' it's time to see it for what it is. And yes I should listen to my mother.. I have always made excuses about her saying he only wants it his way. I guess she has been right this whole time.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    My ex husband didn't want me to worry about working either. That's because he wanted to be able to control where I went and what I did.

    Try to look at the relationship objectively. Who does the larger percentage of compromising?
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    My ex husband didn't want me to worry about working either. That's because he wanted to be able to control where I went and what I did.

    Try to look at the relationship objectively. Who does the larger percentage of compromising?
    Basically 100% me now that I really think about it.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    The negative commentary about your work and livelihood is unnecessary. Looking down on someone's profession is below the belt. To me, it sounds like he's lost respect for you or has become too comfortable with you. Both of you should speak about the options moving or not moving (the logistics) and resist the urge to deflate the importance of your respective careers or interests. It's not fair to either party and doesn't do anything to solve the issue of logistics. All it does is increase levels of resentment between the both of you. It's already causing you to question whether you can trust him as a whole.

    It's likely that you still feel affection and love for this person so stay any major decisions for the next couple of days. Take the weekend to think about it and clear your head. You should remain financially independent and able to support yourself regardless of any decision you make. Everything else is a matter of what you can tolerate but the negative stuff about your work is not ok.

    You should remember also that a person that cares and loves you (actually loves you) will want to see you succeed. I'm unsure whether he understands this or whether the both of you have grown apart so much that you have no idea anymore what the other person wants or needs to feel fulfilled. Either way, just remain respectful of each other and come back to this when you've thought things through.
    This is all very good advice, I so appreciate you taking the time to reach out to me, I'm really going to consider what you have said and not make any major decisions over the weekend. I have worked hard to become very successful at my job and am proud of what I have achieved and the work that I do, it's sad that I can't even really talk to him about it.

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