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Thread: Not sure what to think. Need help!

  1. #11
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    It sounds like he's still full of grief and just lonely. He can't be in love with anyone so soon. He's definitely ON THE REBOUND. Beware and steer clear....

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How did you happen upon him online? Unfortunately this sounds like scamming or catfishing. Be careful and do not give out personal info.
    Originally Posted by Cinderella000
    No Iíve not. I know this all sounds bad but he is extremely convincing.

  3. #13
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    This man is moving way TOO FAST. His wife only died a month ago! It's a very big red flag that he's already plunging into the dating scene so rapidly! I'd be leery if I were you because he's abnormal. I don't believe in grieving only when someone is dying. Generally, people are bereft for a long time after losing their loved ones. It's strange how he's professing his love for you and desires a future with you immediately after his wife passed away; creepy even.

    It sounds as if he's desperately lonely and incredibly insecure! He's latching onto you.

    I think you should slow down. You can be a supportive friend but back off. His over zealous behavior is alarming! Beware.

  4. #14
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Yes it's possible that he's on the rebound and not healed.

    But also, don't date men that don't ask to meet within a few weeks at most - and you have been talking for months. There are probably issues - could be a scammer, catfish, on the rebound, any number of things. Its a big red flag.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Obviously he's long distance, otherwise why wouldn't you two have met up yet? LDRs have a high failure rate because you can't date at a normal pace, amongst numerous other cons.

    Communicating without physically getting together is a fantasy world. You can't love someone you've never met. You can merely be infatuated with the fantasy of who you think the person is.

    Never waste your time on anyone you can't regularly meet up with, starting within 2 weeks of communication. This prevents wasting time on a catfish and/or a high risk LDR. I always limited myself to men who lived within a 45 minute drive of me on OLD.

    If this is someone who contacted you on Facebook, beware of catfish scams. About twice a month, I get friend requests from men who are supposedly of my citizenship but list jobs such as cargo ship captain, or Army captain, and they all list widow or divorced with their profiles. They are always around my age and a little above average in looks. It's so laughable to me that anyone believes these fake profiles. They are trying to prey on vulnerable women who would love attention from a good-looking man. They are always out of the country but returning to your location "soon." (I've always deleted their friend requests, but do watch Dr. Phil shows and have seen other shows where people have been duped) And then they run into money problems that you, their future wife, can solve by helping them out. Only then can they join you in your location to start a beautiful future together.

    Try meet up.com group in your area if it's a bf you want. You will be able to see men in 3D and gradually get to know them outside of a computer.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cinderella000
    I am trying to keep him at a distance as Iím not sure he really does love me or is just extremely lonely?
    I would definitely put the breaks on this for a couple of years. Mourning is a complex process that has many different phases. The phases occur in no particular order and often repeat. The euphoria he is feeling right now is most likely temporary--relief that a long and painful process is finally over for both of them.

    It's natural to feel sympathy for your friend, but you have to look out for you.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Oh jeez, I just read that you haven't ever met him.

    Proceed with caution!! You can't even say for sure whether he was actually married!

    Have you ever facetimed or skyped?

  9. #18
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    The fact that he says he loves you and has not even met you, should be a HUGE red flag. Also, his wife died a month ago and he is already romancing women online. This guy sounds really off, or is a scammer.

    On your part, you have wasted months of your precious life on a long distance stranger, whose wife recently passed of cancer , and as is proclaiming to love you. What attracts you to this? I think that your judgement is seriously off. Do you date people in real life or is everything virtual/fantasy? Your desperation is closing your judgement .

    I would bet money that you are one of many.

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