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Thread: Well I am back after 8 years to this forum:'(

  1. #1
    Silver Member jumper11's Avatar
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    Well I am back after 8 years to this forum:'(

    My boyfriend went away for 5 months to another country to help sick family. He now says his sick family made him feel differently and confused about everything, and he wanted to take many weeks alone. He then gave me a chocolate bar and $1000.

    Having been to this forum before, I knew not to be in limbo so I had to make him tell me he was breaking up. So finally he nodded. And he tried to take my cat :( because it was both of ours. I managed to prevent that happening. For now.

    I did NC immediately because I was terrible at it 8 yrs ago and learned my lesson. But after he walked out I haven't heard from him, and it's been 3 days. It's so hard. I waited 5 mths to see him, only for him to leave my life just when he came back.

    Are there any new tips to deal? It's been a long time since I've been in this position.

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    How long were you with him, and why did he give you $1000?

  3. #3
    Silver Member jumper11's Avatar
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    4 years pretty much, and he agreed previously to pay for half of a pet surgery, and I guess the rest was ..pity money?

  4. #4
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I'm sorry for your pain, jumper11.

    You deal by allowing a lot of time to heal your wounds.

    In the meantime, use healthy distractions to prevent from focusing on the breakup. Engage in diversions such as exercise, eating healthy, surrounding yourself with great friends, enjoy outings, excursions, intellectual pursuits, go to your local library and borrow books, enjoy great movies, immerse yourself into hobbies, if you like animals, dog walk for your neighbors and get busy!

    I've found the worst you can do it have a lot of time for misery. You triumph over sadness by concentrating and focusing on what makes YOU happy and secure. Never rely on anyone to make you feel at peace from within.

    Give the chocolate to someone who will enjoy eating it and save your $1K and make it grow wisely.

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  6. #5
    Silver Member jumper11's Avatar
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    I'm trying, luckily I'm better at it this time. But I feel like all my friends combined don't give me what I had with him. It's a shame because I'm not just saying this, but it was a perfect relationship before then trip. And the other issue is he was living in his mom's condo, and when he had to go she didn't want me there, so I had to find my own place, and she wanted him to be the reference for the lease (naturally that means he can't live with me). I think she had a big role to play in this.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I think you got the better end of the deal. Take the money, find a place of your own, get the surgery for the cat and don't look back (in that order). Always remember that when someone lets you go, it's a ticket to a better life. On the other side of that door are a lot of options and a lot of decisions you're going to get to make for yourself. Go on and live fully on your own terms.

  8. #7
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    Yes, get a place of your own. Unless you are the sole person on the lease, then get permission to change the locks so he can't just come back unannounced and show up and take the cat. btw, if he went to another country, how in heck could he take the cat, anyhow?

  9. #8
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    He's not for you.

    Be strong, hang tough and you're better off without him.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I'd use to my advantage the fact that nobody ever wants to return to a pining ex. I'd make it my private goal to surprise everyone, including myself, with my resilience and ability to bounce back from this to create a fabulous life for myself. Then if ex ever wants to come back it would be on my terms rather than some stopping point on his way to ditching me again.

    Write more if it helps, and head high.

  11. #10
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    I'm waiting to see the front page news about the custody battle for the cat!!

    Seriously, get involved with your life -- friends, family, interests, work, and even dating......doing other things will help keep your mind off the pain. In time, the pain will go away.

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