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Thread: Unsure about how i feel about my partner

  1. #11
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    You defininatley speak a lot of sense there. Having had depression previously i am aware of how to be myself and that i can be ok on my own which is the point i made to earlier in that in the beginning and up until recently i felt like she was my rock and wanted her by my side but now i almost certainly fee like in the long term i would be fine once over the initial pain etc.

    i think whats prompted me to write on this and feel this way is exactly the point that being in this relationship isn't making me feel like myself any more. I feel like she is dragging me down and affecting who i am as a person and i have to pretend sometimes just to please her. i wouldn't say i have checked out and i don't feel she has but i would be lying if i said i have been close before.

    Perhaps i just have too high expectation of her or the relationship and where she isn't meeting my needs in certain aspects its making me think and feel differently towards her.

  2. #12
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    What do you mean violent? Did she hit you?

    This is a complicated one, more information is needed. It could be one of these three things:

    1) Living together can be a lot of work. Sure, relationships take work, but the more time you spend together the more work hours you are putting in to relate.

    When the work load/hours exceeds the love level, that's trouble, and I think that's where you are at now, your love level is low.

    Instead of breaking up, another option might be to live apart. Did you know that even some married couples live apart and are very happy? While it's not traditional, it can work well.

    2) Or, maybe she is high maintenance and you are finally seeing it. Well, that's why I always say wait two years for marriage, until you really get to know the person.

    3) Or, maybe you are not doing what she needs - maybe you have fallen short in giving her trust, affection, romance, or respect? In that case, her love level could be low.

    I would suggest speaking with a counselor so you can pinpoint the main problem here (it might be multiple problems).

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by alwaysme30
    You defininatley speak a lot of sense there. Having had depression previously i am aware of how to be myself and that i can be ok on my own which is the point i made to earlier in that in the beginning and up until recently i felt like she was my rock and wanted her by my side but now i almost certainly fee like in the long term i would be fine once over the initial pain etc.

    i think whats prompted me to write on this and feel this way is exactly the point that being in this relationship isn't making me feel like myself any more. I feel like she is dragging me down and affecting who i am as a person and i have to pretend sometimes just to please her. i wouldn't say i have checked out and i don't feel she has but i would be lying if i said i have been close before.

    Perhaps i just have too high expectation of her or the relationship and where she isn't meeting my needs in certain aspects its making me think and feel differently towards her.
    I feel like there is some work that can be done here between both of you.

    There is a difference (a fine line) between being steady naturally and feeling like you always need to be the steady one or things fall apart.

    Are you still receiving treatment for your depression? You will need to still continue ongoing help for this. I don't feel like you're in a healthy place at the moment. Would you be open to seeking treatment again if you've stopped? Are both of you also willing to work together as a couple or go to couples' counselling? Are you vested in your interests in a long term relationship or do you feel you have some personal work to do with yourself before you can commit to someone long term? You should not ever feel like you are the only one pulling the weight if she isn't as interested in the relationship but I think that you can also recognize if some of your expectations are not realistic and if both of you are placing pressures on each other to be a certain way that don't help create balance in the relationship.
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; 08-09-2019 at 12:45 PM.

  4. #14
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    Thanks i do appreciate the personal message an opinion on things it did run true with me

    My depression was over before i met her and i haven't had any relapse since which is good and if i feel down ive learnt coping methods

    i feel like we both do want to be together deep down and it would be hurtful to split up for the both of us of course, but there is a question of compatibility and if we will work rather than calling it quits and not doing each other any further damage.

    She is 100% high maintenance and i do feel it is wearing me down and combine that with the lack of intimacy its not been great

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    If that's the case and you're already holding on to those resentments (that she's high maintenance etc) you should call it quits and not wait too long. It won't have a good effect on you. Your kids will also see the changes in you.

    I don't think there's anything else I can say to help you feel better about your situation or encourage you to work on it so end it if it's best for the both of you and if you can't see it improving. I've edited the above for privacy reasons - sorry if it causes any confusion to anyone else reading.

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