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Thread: Is there any fixing this mess?

  1. #1
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    Is there any fixing this mess?

    Ok so her family was treating both of us like crap. They are abusive people. They ignored her on her birthday and they didn't go to her graduation. They stopped talking to her. The mom slaps her.... Her parents got a divorce because once her mom slapped her and the father slapped the mom… etc.

    Before all of this, we were keeping a long-distance thing going pretty well. I flew three times to stay with her family and we all got along very well in person. She flew a few times for me as well. But then they started treating me like they were treating her and I did stupid things because I didn’t know how to handle it. They called me fat, lazy, perverted, desperate, fake religious… etc. After a lot of abuse, I snapped and sent the mom an "anonymous" message from a Brazilian number so she would think it was from someone else. Of course, they knew it was me. It was so stupid and I regret it so much. The girl broke up with me after 2 years. We were apart for 7 months and I went crazy after the breakup with going in her accounts and sending emails. I miss her so much. I know I changed and learned a lot as I calmed down, but she blocked me on everything. I also sent her family a few apology letters, but they ignore them. A few days ago her brother threatened to beat me up if I didn’t stop sending letters.

    Is there any fixing this? I am afraid that I can change and change and change, but there won't be any hope. I really love this girl.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I am sorry, but I don't think there is any stepping back from this.
    When someone asks you repeatedly to leave them alone and you don't respect it, it feels threatening. You are making an already bad situation worse.

  3. #3
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    Yeah...it sounds like you got the better end of the deal being away from her family!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'd look into some help (therapy or speaking to someone or alternatively, asking yourself some tough questions). You might want to start with why you feel the need to incorporate this person into your life considering the amount of strife and grief that it has brought the both of you (the larger picture). It's been seven months and you're still locked into the mind frame that you want to get her back. This is not a healthy mindset.

    I'm not completely convinced that you've calmed down at all because your language framing her parents and her household is designed to spark emotion in the reader and your language is not neutral.

    I don't think it's a good idea to 'fix' anything. Try looking into therapy or some kind of help unpacking why you feel the need to burden yourself or this other person and her family by continuing a relationship when it wasn't good to start with. Acknowledge your mistakes and learn to move past them. You should respect the wishes of others to move on also and at least try not to be willful or disrespectful disregarding the wishes of others. They don't want you around.

    If you are dealing with strong feelings of rejection and feeling upset, this is not unusual. The answer however shouldn't be to force your way in or to try to 'fix' anything. Process your hurt and your feelings of rejection but don't make any moves at this point. I don't think you are in the right frame of mind to be in a relationship right now.

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  6. #5
    Member ThatGirlTayl's Avatar
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    I would stop sending the letters before it becomes a real legal issue. Which is totally possible. Do you have anyone in your life that can support you right now?

  7. #6
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    I have amazing support, but it always feels lonely without THAT person. I know I made mistakes. I just want to know that with enough time and enough improvement... can I keep any hope in my mind? Thats the only thing that gives me any relief.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by aydenkk90
    can I keep any hope in my mind? Thats the only thing that gives me any relief.
    Keeping hope up is the very thing that is hurting you. It's leading you to make poor choices and reach out to people who have asked you to stop.

    It's time to wrap your head around letting go and moving on. It's not easy but it's the only road to get to the relief you are needing right now.

    Begin by giving up on ideas and ways to get through to her.

  9. #8
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    But what about any future hope for a year down the road? Its hurts to move on because no matter how good I can make my life, I will never have her. She used to love me so much and I let her down while she was fighting for me. I really let her down.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I'd break up with you too. Why would she or her family want to have anything to do with you given the way you treated her and them? You need to smarten up and dont act like a jerk.

  11. #10
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    I cracked after a lot of abuse. I know I made terrible mistakes.

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