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Thread: Is there any fixing this mess?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    New Jersey
    Originally Posted by aydenkk90
    I know. My mind just couldn't take losing her to such stupidity.
    Naaah, that's not a profitable view of this, and it only works against yourself. What you lost was your fantasy 'about' someone. You cut that short by rebelling against the same mistreatment that would have stayed with you for the duration until you couldn't stand it anymore. So the ex only showed you that she'd side against you, no matter how badly her peeps mistreated you, and that's not exactly a sustainable relationship that could have gone anywhere.

    You've suffered dis-illusion-ment, but that's something you'll want to learn how to uncover early rather than invest in fantasies. This girl came with a lousy package. You learned that and got away from it. I'd credit myself for that rather than make myself miserable about it.

    When choosing between a perspective that works for you or against you, choose to be on your own side, and this will teach you resilience. It doesn't mean that you can't take good lessons from mistakes, it just means that you get to decide how much you'll want to harm yourself in the process. Holding onto faulty fantasies is self harm. Skip that, and move your focus forward with confidence that you'll screen out dealbreakers earlier in the future.

    Head high.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    You made mistakes and it's good to own up to those mistakes man. But come on - what was the reason for those mistakes? You couldn't handle her family, they were awful to you, and your ex ended up siding with them. She may have sided with them because of your actions, but she was already predisposed of siding with them. You need to separate "I made bad choices" from "we are not together because of my bad choices". Because those two things don't necessarily go together. If you had made better choices, do you think you would still be together? The situation wasn't going to be fixed. Her family is the way they are.

    Your mistake was trying to assert control over a problem that was out of your control. Your problem now is STILL attempting to assert control over a problem that's not in your control.

    Stop trying to control other people, take a step back, and start focusing on how to control your own life. Learn to let it go. It will take time, but is the most beneficial thing you can possibly do for yourself.

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