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Thread: Told a girl the truth.

  1. #11
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Best thing to do whenever you're at the height of freaking out? Nothing. Took me a while to learn that skillóin life, in loveóand it's a really good one to have in the toolbox. Nothing wrong with freaking outóit's in all of usóbut wise to ride that wave on our own, let it pass, and then react when we're a bit more clear-headed.

    Still, as other's have said: you did the right thing. You were straight, ultimately, if a bit bendy in getting there. Next time it's a sentence or two. No need to take this moment as evidence that you're some whirling mess of a man. You're just a dude who hooked up with someone you're not feeling. One of millions of men and women in that place as I write this sentence, not a freakish anomaly who needs to be put in a cage.

    Recalling your past posts, I think you've got just a bit of tendency to romanticize your own damage a bit. Totally get it. I've got it too, and when I was youngeróooof. Got the better or me here or there. Amazing how different it is when you can always remember that you're tiny, and that the effect you have on others, especially others you hardly know, isn't nearly as profound as you might thing. Makes it easy to just keep things straight instead of blowing them up into wild, devouring stories.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Trinity11's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    After only two dates, that's a whole lot of explaining. It's also overly dramatic.

    Just tell her you're not feeling it and wish her a good life.
    TOTALLY
    what a novel. All you needed to say was, I've had a lovely time with you, but I don't wish to pursue things further romantically at this time.
    It does not sound in this case you even want a casual fling because you aren't that attracted to her, so don't bother saying you are not looking for a relationship/only want casual. The more honest you are, the better we will all be.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yes, be up front about where you stand. Next time do so before sex.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Austino96
    I sent it because she was acting very attached making plans for us on our days off, saying how much she missed me, telling me she likes me so much that sheís not talking to anyone else, calling me every night, I told her that I didnít know what I wanted bc sheíd ask me if I saw me and her going somewhere.

    I do like her but she lives 90 miles away and I work outta of town 5 days a week. I do wanna see other people casually but she wants to plan whole days together and nights. I want to see my friends and do all the single things Iíve gotten use to doing.

    Me sending that text was me showing I cared because I know how much it sucks being rejected. Her expectations put so much pressure on me if turned me off.
    Hearing about her makes me want to stop seeing her too. If this person is calling you every night at this point, this is not a good sign. She's a bit too clingy and overeager. Your gut instincts might have kicked in here and I don't think it has anything to do with "girls liking [you] when they wanna settle down". You may actually have poor taste in women. But there's hope. Let this fish back into the sea, take it easy and enjoy your single life. In your free moments, you might want to think about the type of woman you're more able to fall in love with and envision traits that you find more appealing in the opposite sex. Go from there.

    Someone who's a bit more put together will conjure up more stable feelings and warmer feelings in you and less heebie jeebies like this one.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    How did she respond?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Next time around be honest, tell the woman you are only looking for casual, before you even meet her.

    Be fair, so that there is no wrong ideas or expectations on either side.

    It will make life much less complicated.

  8. #17
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Keep it simple. You have every right to feel the way you do.

    Just tell her that you don't want a relationship with her because you don't know what you want in life yet, you feel insecure, need to figure yourself out and grow up. Be humble. Tell her you need to mature and someday you might settle down and get serious, however, until then you want your freedom. The truth isn't pretty, however, you need to explain simply and plainly.

    Tell her you'd be fine just being low maintenance friends and if she's not fine with that, then go your separate ways. Say goodbye and make it permanent.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    The right thing to do is be up front before you even go on a single date that you are only looking for casual dating or a casual hook up. Like spell it out. Women think you are serious relationship material because that's how you present yourself, so stop it and be honest. There are plenty of women who are also not looking to be serious and you need to find those.

    As for this situation....I mean it was a lot of word vomit, but at least you ended things early enough. Don't treat your dates like a therapy session and if you need to end things, try to be less cray cray and more succinct, aka less word vomit. Don't confuse early sex with a relationship.

    Anyway, it seems overall that maybe you need to take a time out from dating and get your head screwed on straight. Will save you a whole lot of drama.
    A - freakin - men.

    Sorry, I just see your actions as selfish, remember that woman you rebounded with? you clung to her like white on rice because you were rebounding and she only wanted casual, triggering your vulnerability, instead of being casual you attempted to turn into a stage 5 clinger, this girl actually wanted a relationship, triggering your flight reaction, why do you have a flight reaction? Because you arenít healed, youíre using dating to cope. I think you feel bad because deep down you know what youíre doing.

    Originally Posted by Austino96
    I sent it because she was acting very attached making plans for us on our days off, saying how much she missed me, telling me she likes me so much that sheís not talking to anyone else, calling me every night, I told her that I didnít know what I wanted bc sheíd ask me if I saw me and her going somewhere.

    I do like her but she lives 90 miles away and I work outta of town 5 days a week. I do wanna see other people casually but she wants to plan whole days together and nights. I want to see my friends and do all the single things Iíve gotten use to doing.

    Me sending that text was me showing I cared because I know how much it sucks being rejected. Her expectations put so much pressure on me if turned me off.
    You knew all this before you got laid... right? The distance and your mindset... yet you continued.... you did the right thing being straightforward so kudos for that, seriously, good for you, but good grief dude be single or stop presenting yourself as a healthy dude looking for a relationship, you arenít that guy, not right now... she could be perfect, you are the issue right now and until you heal youíre going to keep rejecting Ďgoodí women and chasing Ďuninterestedí women...

  10. #19
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    Dumping someone always feels bad. Or it should, unless your soulless ghoul.

    When it comes to dumping, less is more. Honesty without discretion is cruelty. Keep it simple and firm. Doubts may linger, all part of the process. Ultimately we usually prove ourselves correct.

  11. #20
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    I wish players like you would leave women alone.

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