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Thread: Contacting an ex regarding the death of a shared pet

  1. #1
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    Contacting an ex regarding the death of a shared pet

    My ex and I broke up 5 years ago, on terms that weren't terrible but she seemed very upset and a bit angry. We had a shared cat which shared our lives for 4 years. I had to put the cat down 2 days ago (and I am shattered about it, he was 18 years old ). I was wondering if it would be a good idea to reach out to her in a gentle way (we haven't been in touch at all since we broke up) just to say hello and inform her of the cat's passing? Or should I just let it be since we have been out of touch for so long? I know this is in part due to my rollercoaster emotions and I may be desperate to reach out to everyone since that helps me cope. But I thought she deserves to know. Should I reach out or let sleeping dogs lie? Thanks for any advice.

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    I'm so sorry about your cat :( This is a tough one...Did you know the cat was dying or was it sudden? I'm just thinking that if you actually knew the cat was dying, if you were going to reach out at all then you should have done it before the cat was put down. That way maybe your ex could have visited and said goodbye to the cat. I'm just thinking that she may be upset that you didn't actually contact her prior to the cat's death.

    Are you planning on cremating the cat or doing any kind of send off service for it? If so then maybe you could reach out to your ex and ask her to participate?

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    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I don't think you should contact her. You've been apart for 5 years. If she was concerned about the cat she would have visited it.

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    Well it's my cat, but we both took care of him. She had her cat, I had mine. We just fell out of touch after breaking up. I don't think she would be angry about not visiting before he died, but she may resent me reaching out to her out of nowhere to inform her about Beast. Perhaps if both parties didn't reach out to each other at all it should be left alone. But, part of it is that I wanted to apologize about certain things that happened when we were together, make amends etc. I thought she would appreciate that. Maybe not.
    Oh and Tiny, he was ok up until about 2 weeks ago. Then he couldn't eat much, had trouble walking, was throwing up constantly and didn't move around much. He went downhill fast. It's the only cat I ever had and didn't know it would be so hard.

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    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I know this is in part due to my rollercoaster emotions and I may be desperate to reach out to everyone since that helps me cope

    I'm very sorry you've lost your beloved companion. If your ex had done any cat-sitting for you in the last 5 years, or asked to visit the cat, I would've let her know of the cat's passing.

    That didn't happen, so I wouldn't contact her. What I listed in bold? It's all about your needs and not about what's in her best interest. Rely on friends and family to help you through your grieving process.

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    It's going to look like you're using the cat's sad death as an excuse. You even admit that you plan to talk about the relationship.

    If that's what you're aiming for, I wouldn't.

    I'm sorry for the loss of your beloved cat.

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    All true. I agree it is probably the desperation in my emotional state (but I had wanted to reach out anyway to make amends). I won't reach out. Thanks for the advice.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. After this long, no need to contact her. No one wants bad news. Talk to your current friends, family, gf but do not reach out after this long. It won't do you or her any good.
    Originally Posted by PhoenixRise
    My ex and I broke up 5 years ago. I had to put the cat down 2 days ago

  10. #9
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    If she hasn't reached out about the cat in all of this time, I do not see any reason to contact her.

    I am sorry about your kitty.

  11. #10
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    I'm sorry to hear about your kitty. Losing a pet can be pretty awful.

    That said, there is really no need to contact her about this. You've been out of touch for 5 years; contacting her now about the cat would be strange. She has evidently long moved on from both you and the feline friend if you've heard nothing for the past 5 years. I am sure she'd express her sympathy but also (rightly, evidently) see it as a cloaked attempt to re-establish something between you two.

    Best to leave this one alone, OP.

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