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Thread: My experience dating a person that may had been avoidant

  1. #1

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    My experience dating a person that may had been avoidant

    I'm not a physician so I don't really know if she was an avoidant, but she definitely shows off traits of one. Dated one for about 8 or so months.




    My experience with a possible avoidant :

    I have noticed they have an obsession with being friends. This happens on and off, even though you know you're definitely dating. ( holding hands, kissing, etc. )

    Ironically they can quickly dispose of friends as well.

    Not entirely, but a lot of black and white logic.

    They'll also make excuses when trying to hang out. As in there to "busy" with school, work, or hanging out with friends.

    They will not label the relationship.

    If the topic of relationships discussion is brought up, they'll deny the topic all together.

    Hanging out with the opposite sex as if we're not dating. I'm not saying that friends from the opposite sex doesn't exist, but doing activities together that doesn't seem so casual. (example going to the movies, hanging out one-on-one often)

    Terrible communication skills

    Hot and cold, but in a bit of a different way. As in, everything will seemingly feel normal for a couple months, and then out of nowhere they'll act aloof. There is a pattern to this as well.

    Extremely aloof.

    Sudden end of things without any say.

    She seem to like seclusion at times.

    Low empathy levels.

    Weird obsession with her dog. Now I love dogs and pets as well, but for her it seemed a little over the top.

    Very difficult to keep the conversation going at times.

    Seemingly doesn't put much effort.

    Doesn't have much of a relationship history. (I can see why)

    Self sabotaging the relationship out of nowhere.

    Will talk about their day, but doesn't add any details.

    Really bad at handling dry humor or sarcasm.

    After months of knowing her, it feels like the relationship is still surface level.

    Really bad sense of self esteem, but at the same time has extremely high expectation of the other sex.

    Hypocritical

    Low appreciation


    --------------------------------------------------------------------





    Yep, so basically one day she dropped our relationships saying we never had anything and that we're just friends. Even though she was talking about love and such a week back. I still think of her, but this is a strange oddity. She had good traits as well, but it felt too much of a hassle. I probably wouldn't go back. I don't know maybe she was a narcissist or a BPD, who knows. Let me know about your experiences.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately this could be a simple case of low interest. Think of Occam's razor. The simplest and most obvious answer is usually the correct one.

  3. #3
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    I agree.She really was not all that jazzed about you. She doesn't have a mental illness. She hung out with other guys because she considered you friends.

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    It sounds like there wasn't any spark on both sides. For example: "Very difficult to keep the conversation going at times.". If the things you say don't spark in her something to respond, and she can't think of anything to say to keep it going... you just have no chemistry. Without chemistry there is nothing. Why force something that's never going to go anywhere.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I don't think she believes she's in a relationship with you at all. All those behaviours point to someone who doesn't want to date you or isn't sure about you. Are you sure you aren't completely misguided about what this was?

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    It just sounds to me like she wasn't all that into you, OP.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    You probably wouldn't go back???? Dude.....instead of psychoanalyzing her, analyze yourself a bit....because that will actually benefit you....why on earth were you ever willing to put up with all that?!

  9. #8
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    She wasn't into you. Are you usually drawn to women who do not want to be with you?

  10. #9
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    Some of the traits you mention suggest she could be on the Asperger/autism spectrum.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by poorlittlefish
    Some of the traits you mention suggest she could be on the Asperger/autism spectrum.
    Or someone who isn't interest, that is why she really wanted to I have noticed they have an obsession with being friends. because she REALLY wanted to make sure it was clear that you were nothing more than friends, despite the amount of time you saw eachother

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