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Thread: Clear up a row, am I in the wrong

  1. #1

    Clear up a row, am I in the wrong

    I had a row with my girlfriend last night and am fuming and just wanted some clarification that my anger is justifed! I was up for work at 6:00am. We had agreed that she would take the day off to look after my 3 children. She got up with me at 6 to have a cup of tea with me and I left for work at 7.


    I had a horrendous day in work, having HRMC sat with me so I was non stop from 7:30 until 3 when I finished.


    She had txt me throughout the day to let me know that the kids were ok. She has the kids every Wednesday afternoon to help keep childcare costs down and whenever she does I’ll call when I leave work so she knows what time I’m getting back. Yesterday I’d had such a bad day I couldn’t face speaking to anyone on the trip home. I usually get home at 5 but as it had been so hectic I left at 3 and was home just before 4.


    I got in and the kitchen was a complete mess! I couldn’t raise a smile to greet my girlfriend, just gave her a quick hug and set about doing the things that she should have done. She could tell I wasn’t happy.


    She challenges me on this and tells me what she’s done all day. She made three lots of breakfast, put the clothes on the washing line (in total 3 times because it kept raining intermittently) She did three lots of dinner (my kids are fussy and don’t tend to eat the same things) She also spent 3 hours digging the garden and made a Start on our dinner for the evening.


    The one thing I’d asked her to do was put the clothes out. Even though she’d done it, they were still damp and she’d forgotten to dry a small pile of pants and socks.


    I’m just livid with her! I generally clean and tidy the house most days, it’s hard work with a full time job and 3 children and I just hoped that the one day she was home that I wouldn’t have to come home to such a mess!

    In her defence I don’t usually get home until 5 and she now swears blind that she’d left the tidying of the kitchen until last as she was filthy from the gardening and to be fair she had done a lot of work on it. Me being home an hour early she says had taken her by surprise but surely that shouldn’t matter! Walking into a mess after a really hard day in work is soul destroying but she now thinks that I’m Out of order for daring to have a go at her given all that she had done.

    I couldn't bare to sleep next to her last night so when she came to bed I got up and went to sleep on the settee and we're barely speaking today.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Hopefully you're just trolling. Get a nanny and a housekeeper. Drop your kids off at friends, family, daycare, their mother, etc. and Pay For It. Also get a cleaning lady and pay for that as well.

  3. #3
    Thanks Wiseman. I'm afraid my budget won't allow for that sort of thing. Certainly not trolling. If I'm wrong I'm wrong. I hate rowing and I just want a different perspective on things to maybe help me to see both sides or to confirm that I was justified.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    You are in the wrong to the point that you indeed sound like a troll. She was doing you a favor yet your post reeks of entitlement. Making three lots of dinner because your kids are "fussy"? If any of this post is true, it sounds like you are a spoiled brat and you are passing the trait to your kids.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Take the bus and get a flip-phone. Go to a laundromat after work and do your own wash. Eat only ramen noodles or get cheap take out pizza, Chinese, etc.. Cut your own hair or shave your head and save on shampoo. Sell all your unneeded stuff (cars, tvs, computers, stuff in garage, smart phone, etc).

    Buy second hand clothes at a thrift shop. Wear underwear at least a few days. Only shower if absolutely needed. Do sponge baths. Let their mother have full custody. Drop the kids at your parents.
    Originally Posted by Emajgnol88
    I'm afraid my budget won't allow for that sort of thing. Certainly not trolling.
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 08-08-2019 at 05:23 AM.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I would dump your butt so fast, sir, your head would spin.

    Who do you think you are treating your girlfriend like a nanny and a maid? You are darn lucky she agreed to look after your kids at all since it's YOUR responsibility and it's up to YOU to get the money for child care.

    She's not even the mother, so realistically, you should be paying her a wage!!

    On top of it, she has zero obligations to be doing any of your housework. You're not married, she has her own life and she doesn't have to do any of it if she chooses not to.
    The only thing she agreed to was watching your children.

    Then you've got the nerve to come home early and give her heck and treat her like poo and punish all night into the next day.

    Wow!!

    If I were her, I would get the heck out of there asap and never look back. Then you really will have to take care of your own mess.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You are in the wrong to the point that you indeed sound like a troll. She was doing you a favor yet your post reeks of entitlement. Making three lots of dinner because your kids are "fussy"? If any of this post is true, it sounds like you are a spoiled brat and you are passing the trait to your kids.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    This, EXACTLY.

    Entitlement 100%. As for your children and three meals...No way! Spoilt doesn't even begin to describe this and I'm a mom, so I do know good children from spoilt ones.

    If you're not a troll, you've got to be one of the biggest jerks I've read about and you can see my post count...lots of people I have come across and you really take the cake!!

  9. #8
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    She takes a day off to look after YOUR children (implying they're not hers), does 3 lots of everything and you have the nerve to complain? You actually have a very short working day compared to many and your busy day is lots of people's normal, yet they still manage to raise a smile when they walk through the door.

    You're grumpy because you've had a busy day. I'd be far more grumpy wasting a day's leave to look after someone else's kids when that person is not even grateful.

  10. #9
    Gold Member leseine7's Avatar
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    I have to agree with these other posters. Granted, I know nothing of the relationship you guys are in - if the intention is that you are technically co-parenting as partners and there is an equal balance of housework and childcare between the two of you. Unfortunately, though, it doesn't sound that way. It sounds like she was trying to help you out by nannying your kids one day a week and you are taking that miserably for granted.

    Let me be real: I have a three month old baby at home who naps for half the day and is portable - and can't mouth off to me yet other than screaming her little head off when she's hungry or tired. Even with that, it is a freakin VICTORY if I manage to do housework during the day. If I can shower, stop to eat three meals and even run an errand or two with her in the buggy successfully, my husband - who works, divides the work between us evenly and entered into parenthood willingly with me - kisses me and hugs me when he gets home and praises me for the one tiny insignificant thing I did. This my long way of saying that if it is that difficult for me with my ten years of prior nanny experience (getting paid for it) behind me, I cannot imagine how hard it is for your girlfriend, who had no hand in raising your kids, who has to deal with their attitudes and demands all day while you work. Forgive me sir, but you should be kissing the floor she walks on rather than giving her attitude for not waiting on you and your family hand and foot.

    If my husband got into it with me about what I've managed to do in the day to the point where I felt the need to justify all that I did, I would be extremely concerned about our marriage. If we were just dating, I'd be out the door.

    Are your kids alive? Fed? Relatively happy after a day with her? That's literally all that matters.

  11. #10
    It happens. The numbers of times I would get in to argues like this.

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