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Thread: Just being nice?

  1. #1
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    Just being nice?

    Update from this update (lol):
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    TL;DR in case you donít want to read those long posts:

    I (20M) got a girl (19F) at works Snapchat last week. We were alone one night at work for a few hours and really seemed to hit it off so I said we should hang out, she said yes and gave me her snap. Sent me a snap that same night after I got off and we talked for a little.

    The next day we snapped on and off throughout the afternoon, I said during a conversation we should hang out that weekend and she responded with how Iím ďadorableĒ and she was flattered when I asked for her Snap the previous night. She said we should hang out and eventually told me she was going out of town that weekend but wasnít sure if she was leaving the next day or Saturday. She left with her grandparents so she mightíve not had much say in WHEN she left, but Iíd assume someone would at least let the other person know.

    Next day comes around and I donít get a message from her so around 8ish I said screw it and said if she was still in town that we should hang out. She said she was leaving and she was so sorry. I said we should plan for something the next week (this week) and she responded with sheíd ďhave to see how sheís feelingĒ. She mentioned she thought she had strep throat a couple nights before (now turns out she has freaking Mono...yeah) Said she hadnít kissed anyone with it but who knows lol.

    Literally every single sign pointed to her not being interested, but I posted about it anyways and got the validation I needed and decided to just be friendly next time I saw her and move on.

    Fast forward to present about 4-5 days later:

    Went in for work the other day (Tuesday). She was getting off at the same time I was clocking in. I hopped on the register and as she was walking to clock out she made sure to say bye to me with a smile and a wave. Figured she was just being friendly, smiled and said bye and that was that.

    Next day (Wednesday):
    Had a shift with her last night. I was off at 10 and she stayed til midnight. While at work it was like nothing weird happened between us which was nice because we just talked and joked around like we normally would. Maybe a little flirting, canít remember exactly but it was good. Literally like nothing awkward even happened.

    10:00 comes around and sheís practically begging me to stay until midnight with her because of one of the other ladies there who doesnít help at all. I donít end up staying because I didnít want to come off like I was trying too hard to spend time with her, plus I couldnít get the extra hours even if I wanted to stay.

    So around 11 she sends me a selfie of her still at work saying something about the other lady she doesnít like, and that starts our conversation. From around 11 until 2:30AM we just messaged each other back and forth, sometimes with ~2-5 mins between messages and sometimes sheíd respond within seconds with multiple messages at a time. We just talked about whatever came up. Our lives, goals, etc. It was *almost* like she had a different attitude over text than she did before. Before, her responses were pretty dry and I was always having to keep a conversation going but tonight, although she still sent some occasional dry messages, she really engaged and actually started conversations and kept them going.

    Not sure if Iím just reading too much into it, but Iíd assume someone (who knows the other person is interested) wouldnít be talking to someone she isnít interested in for that long so late at night, especially after working a midnight shift, having god damn MONO, and needing to wake up to be at work at 10AM the next morning. Wouldíve asked to FaceTime but by the time I thought about it, it was already like 1:30am so I didnít bother.

    Confused as hell at this point and Iím not sure if I should still continue to just let it go and just take it as her being nice, or if I should make another attempt to schedule something with her.

    All advice (especially from other females) is appreciated! Thank you so much.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    It sounds like you are a lot more invested in this than she is. It sounds like she likes you just fine, but isn't interested in the level of relationship that you are.

  3. #3
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    Same answer. She's not interested. I can understand if your confused. Mixed signals can do that. Here's what you need to consider. Mixed signals and disinterest ALWAYS have the same outcome. At least with clear disinterest you can move on easily. So my advice to you is, treat the mixed signals as if she wasn't interested. The outcome will be the same and you will save yourself a bunch of grief. I'll go even a bit further. Don't pursue anyone unless you have a mutual "Oh WOW" effect on each other. Everything else is really a waste of time. There are exceptions where people 'come around'. These exceptions are too rare to waste time trying to pursue.

    Be good to yourself and give up on this fool's errand.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by Sportster2005
    Same answer. She's not interested. I can understand if your confused. Mixed signals can do that. Here's what you need to consider. Mixed signals and disinterest ALWAYS have the same outcome. At least with clear disinterest you can move on easily. So my advice to you is, treat the mixed signals as if she wasn't interested. The outcome will be the same and you will save yourself a bunch of grief. I'll go even a bit further. Don't pursue anyone unless you have a mutual "Oh WOW" effect on each other. Everything else is really a waste of time. There are exceptions where people 'come around'. These exceptions are too rare to waste time trying to pursue.

    Be good to yourself and give up on this fool's errand.
    Thank you!

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    It sounds like you are a lot more invested in this than she is. It sounds like she likes you just fine, but isn't interested in the level of relationship that you are.
    Thanks so much!

  7. #6
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Sure, she'll talk to you when it's convenient to her, but when it comes to date time, She's got Mono. She's not interested in more than friends at this point. Just date other girls.

    Nice, sane women who like you don't confuse you.

    At the very least, quit asking her out. We date to get the person around us so they might fall in love. If you are at work, they are already around you so you don't have to date! Wait until SHE asks YOU out!

  8. #7
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    Sadly, she is a classic girl. She loves the attention that you give her, but she isn't quite as interested as you. I hate that girls do that--I know I did it when I was younger and, in hindsight, it was so awful!
    You will find the perfect person when the time is right.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    Sure, she'll talk to you when it's convenient to her, but when it comes to date time, She's got Mono. She's not interested in more than friends at this point. Just date other girls.

    Nice, sane women who like you don't confuse you.

    At the very least, quit asking her out. We date to get the person around us so they might fall in love. If you are at work, they are already around you so you don't have to date! Wait until SHE asks YOU out!
    Thanks. Appreciate it!

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by loyal
    Sadly, she is a classic girl. She loves the attention that you give her, but she isn't quite as interested as you. I hate that girls do that--I know I did it when I was younger and, in hindsight, it was so awful!
    You will find the perfect person when the time is right.
    Yeah it sucks lol. Thanks for the response.

  11. #10
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    She's flirtatious and merely wants you as an electronic friend to correspond with. She's not serious; she's just playful and types away.

    Treat her like a nice acquaintance and nothing more. Greatly lower your expectations and you won't get hurt. Tread lightly and play it safe!


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