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Thread: Dumped for the 3th time, struggling to move on :(

  1. #61
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    Originally Posted by Pikachu
    I removed her on snapchat, instagram and facebook (social media I have), deleted her number but haven’t blocked it. I never do this, I never broke NC before so I’ll stick to it
    You're missing my point.

    SHE can still contact YOU. Is that what you're hoping for?

  2. #62
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    In summary, what you describe is this ex-girlfriend promised you the world like three times or so only to cheat on you and/or bail out when something didn’t go her way (“doing whatever she wants whenever she wants”) or when she experienced doubts. What you describe is some serious push-pull dynamics, OP, not “love” and certainly not the love of your life.

    I’m a firm believer that every relationship requires work and compromise, but BOTH people have to want this. Seems like you want it a lot but she doesn’t want this at all. The question is, why do you continue to want all of this pain and anguish?

    The ‘love of your life’ would never treat you like this woman has, OP. You will discover as soon as you are able to put this woman to the curb and start improving yourself to be in a good position to meet other women. Also, don’t talk about physical attraction in numbers like 9/10, it’s really superficial. But I think this is more of a selfesteem issue than your actual odds of matching up with an attractive girl ever again.

    Work on your self esteem.

    And take the advice: before your self esteem is raised substantially higher than it is know, keep out of contact with this woman for she will just rail you in again and you’ll experience this breakup another 4 times or more.. you are wasting valuable time.

  3. #63
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    And also: no contact is for you. It has zero value if you consider this a means to get back with/ at her - for reconciliation matters or revenge. You should do this because this woman messes with your head and you could use the down time to shift focus on yourself.

  4. #64
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    OP.. get professional help. Seek counseling. Im not saying this to be mean, Im saying this because that is what you need. This goes beyond a simple break up. There are issues that you have not delt with and you are using her and this broken relationship as a great time consumer. Fact is you know already she is not the one for you, you know she is a pain and nothing but trouble. You also been told by your family and friends she is bad news, you have been warned about her, and yet, you still go back. Question is why?
    Its not love.. You would probably do anything for her but she wouldn't do the same for you. Its not happiness either. All this girl has given you is confusion so its not happiness. But you have mentioned sex. So is it the sex? Is she that hot? What are you afraid of if you let her go? Why do you let another person treat you like a doormat? Why do you accept being the option or third or fourth best? Do you believe you see attention regardless if its good or bad as long as its attention? Do you seek approval from her. You know in your heart you are not the #1 guy so do you try hard to prove her wrong? Do you often ask yourself what does the other guys have that you don't?

    You can look at yourself in the mirror and be really honest with yourself, or you can avoid looking at yourself and continue to wear the mask on how you want her to see you as. Because I think you have fractured yourself into many pieces trying to figure out what she wants instead of having her accept who you are. So ask yourself what is it you want. But I would suggest seeking out help. There could be other issues that are preventing you from moving on.

    Its hard to decide where you want to go when you are spinning in circles.

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  6. #65
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    Thanks for the many responses, sometimes it’s a bit harsh but I appreciate it alot. I had the feeling that I had to do al the effort and compromising, so that’s indeed not how a healthy relationship works.

  7. #66
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    The on/off relationship has indeed decreased my self-worth a lot

  8. #67
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Pikachu
    Thanks for the many responses, sometimes it’s a bit harsh but I appreciate it alot. I had the feeling that I had to do al the effort and compromising, so that’s indeed not how a healthy relationship works.
    Originally Posted by Pikachu
    The on/off relationship has indeed decreased my self-worth a lot
    No it’s not. But you doing all the compromising and effort was like number 20 on the ‘this is a train wreck’ list. As well as this being on again off again destroying your self esteem, I’m sure it hurt it further but again pikachu, it had to of already been low for you to see her as a viable partner. Can I ask you a question, and be honest, what were your thoughts when she told you about all the trouble with her boyfriend, at the two year mark, what were your thoughts when she ditched him for you? Did you care how it was affecting him? Did you think in the back of your head, this is wrong, after you ‘won’ her how long until you started to feel you’d face the same fate? All serious questions.

  9. #68
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Try to think of it in reverse. Poor self worth leads to on/off relationships. Why? Because they are all wrong and you can't get along with them. In others words you're settling for a lousy situation because you think you can't do better.
    Originally Posted by Pikachu
    The on/off relationship has indeed decreased my self-worth a lot

  10. #69
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Bingo!!!!!

  11. #70
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    No it’s not. But you doing all the compromising and effort was like number 20 on the ‘this is a train wreck’ list. As well as this being on again off again destroying your self esteem, I’m sure it hurt it further but again pikachu, it had to of already been low for you to see her as a viable partner. Can I ask you a question, and be honest, what were your thoughts when she told you about all the trouble with her boyfriend, at the two year mark, what were your thoughts when she ditched him for you? Did you care how it was affecting him? Did you think in the back of your head, this is wrong, after you ‘won’ her how long until you started to feel you’d face the same fate? All serious questions.
    I actually thought that it would be different with me. That I was the only one who could make her leave someone. I know I shouldn’t have gotten back with her. But everyone makes mistakes. I can’t believe that everyone here who had giving advice, didn’t do some stupid things when acting on emotions and not being rationally

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