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Dumped for the 3th time, struggling to move on :(


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Hello,

 

It’s been 40 days today since my ex (24F) broke up with me for the 3th time. Yesterday was one of my worst days yet, suddenly I just started crying. It hit me (28M) that this time it’s over for good and there is no chance of reconciliation. Four years ago I first joined this forum and I came back here twice, always to recover from heartbreak caused by the same ex.

 

“Short” summary of our history:

 

In may 2015 she first dumped me to go back to her ex the day after she dumped me. Then in October 2015 we got back together and she promised me I was the love of her life. Although people said it was a bad foundation to start a relationship, I ignored them and got back together almost immediately (I know I should have made her sweat a bit more). We were happy and madly in love for 2 years until she started doubting if she wanted a boyfriend and was obviously lingering for the single life.

 

We eventually broke up in august 2018 after a break of a month initiated by her. I was devastated, lost 5 kilograms, couldn’t sleep while she went out partying and living the single life right away. During that period she hooked up with a couple of guys. In January 2019 I saw her at a party where she told me that she is very unhappy and missed me and the relationship we had. She wished things could go back to how they once were, but I couldn’t do it because she had hurt me too much by dumping me twice.

 

Fastforward 2 months, in March 2019 we both got drunk and hooked up and got back together. She once again promised me that she now knew what she lost in the period we were broken up, and that she came back to stay. I told her that my trust in her was gone and that she needed to show me that she really meant it this time. (I know I should took her back, but I just loved her still to much…) Things were going good again and my family took her back in (after some struggling in the beginning because they were convinced she was not good for me, I should have listened…). She insisted on going an a holiday this summer and when she saw I thought it was too soon (we were just back together and given our history..) , she was annoyed. She thought I doubted her intentions, so I give in and we went on a holiday in June 2019. Things went fine and it was the best holiday so far. We did many romantic things and I she told me many times she loved me very deeply. When we got back she even bought tickets for a concert in November 2019, so that wasn’t a bad sign that she meant to stay together (but deep down, I still was “scared” that she would dump me again). Three days after she bought the tickets and after we returned from our holiday we had an argument. While we were back together one of the guys she slept with multiple times (after our last breakup) texted her to hook up again. She ignored it but when I told her I would appreciate it to not talk to that guy again out of respect, she didn’t understand me. Out of the blue she told me that I didn’t understood her and that she can’t be herself in our relationship. She wants to be able to do whatever she wants and be able to talk to whoever she wants. I know I can’t forbid her to talk to someone but giving our history (she left me for her ex once) and that she dumped me again in August 2018 and hooked up with multiple guys right after the breakup (including this guy who texted her), I just wanted to get respected a little bit.. She just can’t seem to understand my point of view and that it hurts for me. So after that argument, she broke up with me immediately over the phone and when I asked to meet up and talk about things, she said she didn’t have the energy for us because she has “many personal problems”. She is/was seeing a psychiatrist for 3 months now, but won’t tell me why. I immediately went NC after the breakup, and apparently she went out partying 2 days in a row until 9 o’ clock in the morning the days following the breakup.

 

So here we are again, heartbroken for the 3th time, for the same ex. I know it’s over for good know, I will never be able to trust her again. Because she obviously doesn’t love me deeply as she now has walked away 3 times.. The previous times, I still had hope that she would come back, but now that’s gone. And it’s much harder this time. The thought that she is going to get together with someone else is killing me inside and I just want to be happy again. But deep down, I still love her and that feeling just won’t go away. I’m afraid I will be stuck in this state forever and won’t be able to find someone else. Yesterdayevening I was feeling very very low, and I can’t seem to imagine a future with someone else but her..

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You were very attached/addicted to this girl. The withdrawals will be harsh.

 

That ‘Hope’ is what can keep us buoyant yes and once that is gone the true reality sets in and the fire that we kept at bay for so long finally consumes us.

 

But yes, you would be a fool (or a masochist) to entertain thoughts of giving this another go.

 

I have a friend in a very toxic on/off relationship that has been going on for four years. Today he’s one of the most beaten down and depressed people I know.

 

Yes you’ll eventually heal and move on. Will probably take some time though so be patient with yourself ya. Take good care of your health both physical and mental.

 

Sending you strength for the journey ahead and see you on the other side*

 

Carus*

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I removed her number and unfollowed her on instagram and facebook, so I’m trying to keep strict NC

 

But if you didn't block her she can still contact you to use you for attention again.

 

Are you strong enough to say no? Why not block her? Are you still "hoping"?

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But if you didn't block her she can still contact you to use you for attention again.

 

Are you strong enough to say no? Why not block her? Are you still "hoping"?

 

I guess if she wants to sent me something she would always find a way.. Letter, email, through a friend.. Maybe I keep it unblocked for an egoboost, so in time I could be the one who turns her down..

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Pikachu, in your last post from July you wrote she broke up with you two times,

I found it quite curious the title of this post given all your posts are of this subject of moving on...

 

Did you go back to her in July?

 

If so... pikachu.... you can’t just use this forum to soothe your anxiety until she comes back. At some point it becomes a choice, so if you choose to wait with the door open... get better coping skills, take up a hobby to wait her out u til she comes back because if you went back in July which it looks like you did you know full well she will be back again and you know full well you’ll take her back...

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I guess if she wants to sent me something she would always find a way.. Letter, email, through a friend.. Maybe I keep it unblocked for an egoboost, so in time I could be the one who turns her down..

 

Do you believe this story you're telling yourself?

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I guess if she wants to sent me something she would always find a way.. Letter, email, through a friend.. Maybe I keep it unblocked for an egoboost, so in time I could be the one who turns her down..

 

That's sad, considering that she has treated you like absolute sh*t! She has zero respect, and did/does not love you.

 

Where is your self respect! You should not want to have anything to do with her.

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Pikachu, in your last post from July you wrote she broke up with you two times,

I found it quite curious the title of this post given all your posts are of this subject of moving on...

 

Did you go back to her in July?

 

If so... pikachu.... you can’t just use this forum to soothe your anxiety until she comes back. At some point it becomes a choice, so if you choose to wait with the door open... get better coping skills, take up a hobby to wait her out u til she comes back because if you went back in July which it looks like you did you know full well she will be back again and you know full well you’ll take her back...

 

No, I didn’t take her back in July. In my previous post I forgot about the first breakup, because we were only exclusive for a month and i didn’t considered it a real breakup. But actually it was. Been NC since end of June, day 41 today..

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That's sad, considering that she has treated you like absolute sh*t! She has zero respect, and did/does not love you.

 

Where is your self respect! You should not want to have anything to do with her.

 

I know that I should hate her, but a part inside me still loves her. It’s quite the struggle between the heart and the mind

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I know that I should hate her, but a part inside me still loves her. It’s quite the struggle between the heart and the mind

No need to 'hate' her Pik* ~ Yes anger can be a tool to help us move on, but in the long run, forgiveness and nonchalance are better for your soul*

 

Hate is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.

 

It just didn't work out and that's how life is....For most of us on this planet....Just don't engage with her again*

 

It'll just take some time s'all.....A football player doesn't break his leg and run back out on the field 2 days later*

 

Same with a broken heart....Takes time to grieve....to heal.

 

What are some other things you wanna do in life now...?

 

Carus*

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No, I didn’t take her back in July. In my previous post I forgot about the first breakup, because we were only exclusive for a month and i didn’t considered it a real breakup. But actually it was. Been NC since end of June, day 41 today..

 

Ah apologies.

 

Is there a reason the focus seems to be so much on dates and numbers?

 

Honest question.

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I’m just good with number and have a good memory. I don’t enjoy this situation as you may think

 

Why would you think, I think you enjoy heartbreak? I can’t think of anyone who likes being heartbroken... not sure why you said that...

 

If you’re wondering where my head is at opinion wise I think you are stuck, very very very stuck because you were in an on again off again relationship and with those the person has a hard time letting go and truly believing it’s the last time.

 

Sure you’re saying you know this is the last time, but if you truly believed that you’d close all forms of communication, you’re telling yourself that because you think that’s helping, it’s not but the dooms day thought process is also very very very common with on again off again relationships.

 

All your emotions all your feelings are quite typical for this type of toxic relationship ship unfortunately.

 

I see no evidence that she is a bad person, I sense that’s the road used to ease the pain, but she’s not, she’s just toxic and broken seeks broken.

 

So truly the only way to end this cycle is to heal yourself within, your self esteem your sense of self worth.

 

The addicting high of her coming back is short lived and the pain of her leaving last and last. Try to remember that.

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I'm sorry for your pain, Pikachu. Give yourself a lot of time to heal your wounded heart. Also, seek healthy distractions and get busy so you won't consume yourself over this heartbreak.

 

The only takeaway from this is wisdom gained. You will learn how to navigate yourself more shrewdly in the future and your radar is up when you choose the right person in the future.

 

A bad experience was not all in vain. Whenever bad circumstances happened to me, I always learned from it and became smarter after realistic, harsh lessons. I always put a positive spin on negative pasts and I hope you will, too.

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No need to 'hate' her Pik* ~ Yes anger can be a tool to help us move on, but in the long run, forgiveness and nonchalance are better for your soul*

 

Hate is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.

 

It just didn't work out and that's how life is....For most of us on this planet....Just don't engage with her again*

 

It'll just take some time s'all.....A football player doesn't break his leg and run back out on the field 2 days later*

 

Same with a broken heart....Takes time to grieve....to heal.

 

What are some other things you wanna do in life now...?

 

Carus*

 

Very well said.

 

Hate isn’t the opposite of love, hate still has power over you, indifference is the goal, and it takes time, even more so with on again off again, like you said you’ve been on this roller coaster since 2015, it isn’t fun for you, but much like heroin stops being fun, she’s your drug of choice. Think about it, that constant fear, the jealousy the hurt and pain all attached to her, that’s not what a happy relationship is, you probably never fully trusted her. This relationship was never truly ideal, but somethings missing in you pikachu and it made you cling to a woman who from the start you had issues with... when you’re ready and you heal you will see this for what it is, so no you shouldn’t hate her, just recognize someone who could hurt you so many times couldn’t possibly be your soul mate.

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You're dealing with very low self-esteem (lower than ever because of the number of times you got suckered into thinking any of it was real). She's being honest with you that she doesn't have what it takes to be in a relationship. I think it's time to focus more on that relationship you have with yourself and repair your trust in yourself (that you won't screw yourself over again with bad decisions).

 

Whether or not she's seeking mental help is none of your business. You already know she needs help. Resist the urge to bandaid anyone. You have more repairing to do and healing to do with yourself than you realize. Until you can repair your sense of self and your self-esteem, you'll always get dragged over the coals. You'll always be vulnerable to personalities like this. You'll be vulnerable to strong emotions like hatred and resentment and before you know it, you'll hate yourself more than you already do now. So? Start moving in the other direction.

 

Acknowledge your mistakes, practice more love not hate. Love means engaging with your world in a way that respects others and practices utmost respect for yourself, above all.

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You're dealing with very low self-esteem (lower than ever because of the number of times you got suckered into thinking any of it was real). She's being honest with you that she doesn't have what it takes to be in a relationship. I think it's time to focus more on that relationship you have with yourself and repair your trust in yourself (that you won't screw yourself over again with bad decisions).

 

Whether or not she's seeking mental help is none of your business. You already know she needs help. Resist the urge to bandaid anyone. You have more repairing to do and healing to do with yourself than you realize. Until you can repair your sense of self and your self-esteem, you'll always get dragged over the coals. You'll always be vulnerable to personalities like this. You'll be vulnerable to strong emotions like hatred and resentment and before you know it, you'll hate yourself more than you already do now. So? Start moving in the other direction.

 

Acknowledge your mistakes, practice more love not hate. Love means engaging with your world in a way that respects others and practices utmost respect for yourself, above all.

 

It’s true, she broke my selfworth and selfesteem to the bottum. Tonight there’s a party my friends will be attending and I kniw my ex will be there too. I decided to stay home and avoid seeing her. I just can’t handle it yet..

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