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Thread: Dating an Older Widow Co-Worker

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    Dating an Older Widow Co-Worker

    Where to begin? I am a guy that is 39 years old. I am dating a co-worker, E, that is 57 years. Her husband died in a car accident back in October. We have been dating for about 3 weeks now. Her children are grown - two daughters in their 30s, both married, one has two children of her own. They do not seem to like me too much. I need some help and advice!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Their father (if this man was their father) just passed away tragically and prematurely in a car accident less than one year ago. What do you expect them to feel? They are going through their own emotions - losing their father and seeing their father being replaced. What you can do is remain respectful and do not force the situation. Maintain your respectful distance unless you are invited to family outings and remain understanding of their loss.

    You posted this also in the age gap relationship forum. If you're concerned about the age gap, you shouldn't be unless it's been discussed as an issue with your partner or among the family as such. The main concern would be the large loss in the family.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's too soon for her to date a coworker. Her grown kids know this. And you know why "they don't like you" as well. Slow way down. Be her friend but use great caution. Her kids may feel their mother is going through 'a phase' and can't accept this at this point.

    Be much more discrete and respectful. Why do her kids know you after dating 3 weeks? Did you work together when her husband died?
    Originally Posted by Jsanga1980
    I am dating a co-worker, E, that is 57 years. Her husband died in a car accident back in October. We have been dating for about 3 weeks now. Her children are grown. They do not seem to like me too much.

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    I have worked with her for over 7 years. We have always been friends. She does not like being alone, that is why we moved forward with the relationship.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Her children can respect that you are there for their mother but your role right now may be limited due to the loss in the family. If you are not sure if this is for you, it's a good idea not to let them get attached to you, primarily the mother. You can remain a supportive family friend without dating any one of them. She's certainly old enough to make her own decisions and if she wants you around, that's up to her. You should only do what you are comfortable with also. It takes two to tango.

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    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    What makes you think her children don't like you?

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    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I'm older than your g/f and I'd be freaked out if my mother was dating a guy as young as you. Expect to be resented do to the age gap alone not to mention the fact that they are still grieving the loss of their father and they are wondering is wrong with their mother that she would hook up with someone so much younger than her. Perhaps they are thinking you are taking advantage of her vulnerability (in which she wouldn't be making good decision at the moment) considering she is a recent widow.

    Respect their boundaries and either ride the wave of destain or exit stage left is the only advice I can give you.

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    I think that if you want to go to a movie or activity you enjoy together for having an activity partner, that's perfectly fine, and encourage her to socialize with others. But I would hold back on "Dating". If her husband died after a prolonged illness where she was his caregiver and he was terminal/death was inevitable for a number of years, sometimes the spouse tends to grieve along the way and sometimes are more ready to date 10 months after the spouses's death. But this was so sudden. Of course, the children don't like you.

    If you really like her take a step back
    btw, if you want kids you will break their mom's heart eventually, so why not just stay friends/activity partners

  10. #9
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Forget dating, however, you can be her good friend.

    Her grown adult children don't like you which will prove to be problematic in the long run. You'll forever butt heads with them. You'll always feel unwelcome in their life. I'd steer clear. Don't be in a relationship where you're unwanted and those adult children will not go away due to permanent ties to their mother. Her children will treat you with awkward hatred.

    Then there is the cougar age gap. She is old enough to be YOUR mother! Both of you are at different stages in your lives. Date someone within your own age bracket. You'll have more in common and can relate better.

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    Originally Posted by Jsanga1980
    I have worked with her for over 7 years. We have always been friends. She does not like being alone, that is why we moved forward with the relationship.
    OK, this is so wrong on so many levels right now. You're not kidding that you need help. I understand that you've worked with her for 7 years and have been friends. But, really, what the heck??? And, I can understand she doesn't like being alone but you should have some respect for your friend and not start a relationship 10 months after her husband died. Are you for real? She should also show some respect for her dead husband. How could she possibly consider dating so early on? You can be her friend and offer your support and comfort but not via a relationship. And, if you're sleeping with her, that's even worse.

    Of course her kids don't like you? How could they when it's been less than a year since their father died??? Come on, OP, don't be ridiculous. Sorry, but that's just my opinion.

    BTW, the age difference has nothing to do with what your both doing.

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