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Thread: Did I Ruin Everything By Blowing Up His Phone After We Had Sex?

  1. #1
    Member ThatGirlTayl's Avatar
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    Did I Ruin Everything By Blowing Up His Phone After We Had Sex?

    For background we have been separated since February and have been no contact up until the beginning of June.
    This past Sunday I slept with my ex. He was saying all of the right things. I don't know if he led me on. He was saying how he loves me, misses me, we were talking at least once a day on the phone via text or by a phone call. He convinced me to go to his court hearing in another town and then also convinced me to get a hotel room with him. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced with him. Because of course it was. We laughed, we cried, we kissed, we told each other how much we love each other, how happy we were together, how us being together just felt right. Finally we fell asleep in each others arms. Anyway, next day after the court hearing I messaged him, didn't get a response so I messaged him again, still nothing, so I messaged him 4 more times. He finally responded with "I will give you one day to chill the **** out. I was asleep when you were have this little mental breakdown. I will not have unstable people in my life right now. It will hurt, but I won't, so chill the **** out." "I love you." I told him I love him too, and haven't heard a single word from him since. It hurts. He hasn't messaged me back once to check in with me since Monday. Did I ruin everything? Or did he use me? If he used me then why even bother responding?

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    It doesn't appear that he used you. You did agree to stay the night, right?

    Though I think it shows a lack of self control that you blew up his phone, instead of maturely waiting for him to get back to you, I don't think it's ok that he feels it necessary to teach you a lesson.

    I begs the question, what broke you two up to begin with?

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    Member ThatGirlTayl's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    It doesn't appear that he used you. You did agree to stay the night, right?

    Though I think it shows a lack of self control that you blew up his phone, instead of maturely waiting for him to get back to you, I don't think it's ok that he feels it necessary to teach you a lesson.

    I begs the question, what broke you two up to begin with?
    I'm just worried I ruined our chances at reconciliation by blowing up his phone. He did say I love you after freaking out about it, but he hasn't messaged me at all yesterday or at all today.

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    On your previous thread people warned you that he was probably using you to make himself look good in court. You agreed he was trying to use you.

    But you went anyway. That means you chose to allow this to happen.

    Why do you find a felon who messages underage girls so appealing?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    But what about reinvent's last question: What broke you two up to begin with?

    I would be asking different questions right now to find stability. I would be asking if this is the time for reconciliation, or a person worth reconciling with, if you can't go a few hours without hearing from him without sending him six messages until he responds. That, to me, would signal that what I want from a relationship (a sense of calm, security) has been replaced by exactly what I don't want (a sense of anxiety leading me to behave in irrational ways).

    I would also be less focused on the "I love you" at the end of his eventual response and more focused on the patronizing cruelty that preceded it. And, again, I'd ask: Is this the person I want to be reconciling with? It seems, at least from this, that neither of you a bringing out particularly nice sides of the other. That might be worth acknowledging.

    No one was used, nothing was ruined. Two exes had consensual sex and, afterward, both of them behaved in a manner that is immature and generally not conducive for a healthy, happy relationship. It would be understandable if one of both people saw that as a reason to not reconcile, or at least not be in such a rush to answer the question of reconciliation and instead focus on whether even trying for reconciliation is in either of your best interests.

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    Member ThatGirlTayl's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    But what about reinvent's last question: What broke you two up to begin with?

    I would be asking different questions right now to find stability. I would be asking if this is the time for reconciliation, or a person worth reconciling with, if you can't go a few hours without hearing from him without sending him six messages until he responds. That, to me, would signal that what I want from a relationship (a sense of calm, security) has been replaced by exactly what I don't want (a sense of anxiety leading me to behave in irrational ways).

    I would also be less focused on the "I love you" at the end of his eventual response and more focused on the patronizing cruelty that preceded it. And, again, I'd ask: Is this the person I want to be reconciling with? It seems, at least from this, that neither of you a bringing out particularly nice sides of the other. That might be worth acknowledging.

    No one was used, nothing was ruined. Two exes had consensual sex and, afterward, both of them behaved in a manner that is immature and generally not conducive for a healthy, happy relationship. It would be understandable if one of both people saw that as a reason to not reconcile, or at least not be in such a rush to answer the question of reconciliation and instead focus on whether even trying for reconciliation is in either of your best interests.
    We broke up due to circumstances that were out of both of our control. We didn't want to break up. We had to. Do you think he has decided not to reconcile after all and that's why he hasn't messaged me back?

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    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Did you discuss under what circumstance you would be once again having sex with one another or did you just jump right into it thinking that sex was a sign that he wanted you in his life in a romantic sense again? If you didn't discuss then I suggest you don't do it again until you have that discussion. Before you have that discussion think about this:

    He sounds like a hot head and you sound obsessed with a guy that tells you to chill the **** out instead of apologizing for missing your calls and asking you kindly to not blow up his phone if he doesn't get back right away. Instead of assuring you that he isn't going anywhere, he made you even more insecure and obsessed by ignoring you since he 'schooled' you like you were 12.

    Read all that back and tell us why you care about this jerk?

    Why is he in court and what "circumstances caused you to HAVE to break up?"

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It's anyone's guess what's going on on his end so it won't help you to speculate. I'd take a look at the things you do know: he was a bit rude/short with you, he hasn't responded to you since and there's no understanding between either of you to begin with other than one night together (no consistency).

    I'd take a step back and have a good pep talk with yourself if this is really how you see yourself living your life going forward. Do you really want to wait around for someone to make you feel better and then hurt you? Are you ok with the hot/cold?

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I think he used you for sex and then you went overboard texting him too many times, and you made him mad. Back off and see what happens.

  11. #10
    Member ThatGirlTayl's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Did you discuss under what circumstance you would be once again having sex with one another or did you just jump right into it thinking that sex was a sign that he wanted you in his life in a romantic sense again? If you didn't discuss then I suggest you don't do it again until you have that discussion. Before you have that discussion think about this:

    He sounds like a hot head and you sound obsessed with a guy that tells you to chill the **** out instead of apologizing for missing your calls and asking you kindly to not blow up his phone if he doesn't get back right away. Instead of assuring you that he isn't going anywhere, he made you even more insecure and obsessed by ignoring you since he 'schooled' you like you were 12.

    Read all that back and tell us why you care about this jerk?

    Why is he in court and what "circumstances caused you to HAVE to break up?"
    Robbery. We did discuss getting back together again. We wrote out reconciliation letters together, and at the end of the night he promised me we would see eachother again and that this isn't the end. So, I'm just really confused.

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