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Thread: Bf and I have different money footprint

  1. #1
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    Bf and I have different money footprint

    My boyfriend and I are dating almost 2 years and we're both 25. He treats me very well like making time for me, take me out to eat and help my family on some errands. We have same value about financial stability, family, marriage and having kids in the near future. The only issue I have with him is I'm more generous when it comes with money. He's very financially responsible paying for his rent, car loan and tuition for grad school. He always do cost/benefits analysis on any purchase to make sure it worth his money and if he actually needs it before buying something. I totally understand where he's coming from but sometimes i think it's too much. For example, when we went on vacation together, I saw an ice-cream stand and it cost $7 per ice cream so he told me to walk for another 10 min to get a cheaper ice cream with better quality (Ben & Jerry). Or another time, we went water tubing together and I wanted to rent the cooler float to leave our drinks and snacks. It costs $10 but my boyfriend said there's no need to spend extra money he can holds those things which I disagreed because the point is being relax on the river and we don't want to hold many things to ourselves. I totally get his point but he saying that make me feel he cares about money more than me. Of course it's good to consider for big purchases, but for small purchases under $20 like that I don't think it's necessary. It got me very upset and I can't stop my negative feeling about his action. I discussed with him but he said he just gave me his opinion and he doesn't see anything wrong with that. My personality is being carefree when it comes to doing fun things and going on vacation. It's been almost 2 years and i keep seeing this pattern of behavior repeated and I still can't accept him for who he is. Of course it's impossible to change a person but I tried to re-wire my brain to justify his intention but this habit of him still irritates me. What should I do?

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Were you asking him to pay for the ice cream and cooler float? If you were paying for it, it shouldn't matter to him.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    This is who he is. So now you need to make that hard decision that either this works for you or it doesn't work and you need to part ways.

    It's interesting that you say that you are on the same page financially and then proceed to talk about how you are not. I think you are a bit in denial just how different the two of you are and how much this difference is affecting you negatively. Start being more honest with yourself about how you really feel. That tends to help you make better life and relationship decisions for yourself. Like maybe not wasting two years of your life trying to force a square peg into a round hole.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    Were you asking him to pay for the ice cream and cooler float? If you were paying for it, it shouldn't matter to him.
    I don't think the point is about who paid, but rather how this will play out if they proceed, get married and they have a serious difference in how their money is spent on these kinds of small things and how much more controlling he might get. Uptight and happy go lucky is rarely a good combo for the long run.

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    For the ice-cream scenario, I saw the ice cream stand and suggested to buy some ice-cream. And he looks at the price then said it's expensive let's go somewhere else for better ice cream. For the cooler float scenario, I was the one paying but he told me to not spend on the cooler float cuz he can holds our stuffs in his bag.

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    Who pays the majority of the time?

    I am with your bf, and I am not cheap. He is being responsible.

    Lanna, all of those small purchases addd up, and were really not necessary. Perhaps, you should address how you spend your money more closely. Add up all of your purchases in a month, to really see where your money is going, and if they were necessary.

    Seven dollars for ice-cream is ridiculous.

    If you cannot accept him, then maybe you should consider splitting and finding someone else.

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    When he tries to debate or analyze the cost of something, just say thank you and buy what you please.

    I am pretty conservative with my finances, but my boyfriend is a little like yours. I don't need his permission and though it sometimes irks me (a little like you) I choose my battles and honestly, if want to spend $7 on an ice cream, I will. My boyfriend knows this. It's his choice to walk another block to get his own.

    Just try to shake it off and be thankful he's not the extreme opposite. I was married to a debt'ohlic, so I remind myself that this much more preferable, any day.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    With his money he can do things his way, not your way, so it's not a reflection of how much he cares about you. You realize this is a power struggle not a money issue, no? If you can't accept him being this frugal then you need to end things. No it is not possible to change a person and you should stop trying to change him. Spend your money your way on your things and let him manage his own money.
    Originally Posted by lanna0507
    -he saying that make me feel he cares about money more than me.
    -I discussed with him but he said he just gave me his opinion and he doesn't see anything wrong with that.
    -My personality is being carefree when it comes to doing fun things and going on vacation.
    -I still can't accept him for who he is.
    Of course it's impossible to change a person

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    We takes turn to pay for each other so i would say it's 50/50 cuz we're both having full time job and going to grad school now. I'm financially responsible too but I have spending mindset and he has saving mindset.

  11. #10
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    A spending mindset is not good. How much do you have in savings? Do you have any debt?

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