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Thread: Bf and I have different money footprint

  1. #61
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    Originally Posted by Sportster2005

    IMHO he's a joyless tightwad, to others he's the model of responsibility.
    People are going to see it differently. The important thing is, how do you see it?
    @j.man, well in Sportster's defense, he did say IMHO. :)

  2. #62
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Dumpster diving on dates is where I would draw the line.🤢💰

  3. #63
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Dumpster diving on dates is where I would draw the line.🤢💰
    Ha! My ex husband took me to Denny's on my birthday because you get a free meal on your birthday. Yes, that's a true story.

    Now, if he'd had a Groupon I wouldn't have looked sideways because I like to save money too. But really, a free Denny's meal??

  4. #64
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Ha! My ex husband took me to Denny's on my birthday because you get a free meal on your birthday. Yes, that's a true story.

    Now, if he'd had a Groupon I wouldn't have looked sideways because I like to save money too. But really, a free Denny's meal??
    Was he your husband at the time? Or were you just dating?

    I dunno, that's pretty cheap regardless, tbh I would rather we go nowhere, or eat in with him buying or making a sweet b'day card over that any day!

    Assumimg money was tight.

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  6. #65
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Ha! My ex husband took me to Denny's on my birthday because you get a free meal on your birthday. Yes, that's a true story.

    Now, if he'd had a Groupon I wouldn't have looked sideways because I like to save money too. But really, a free Denny's meal??
    You know I'm all for milking the birthday and making sure you get the free ice cream cone, free Denny's if you like that sort of thing -but not as "the" celebration!

  7. #66
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Was he your husband at the time? Or were you just dating?

    I dunno, that's pretty cheap regardless, tbh I would rather we go nowhere, or eat in with him buying or making a sweet b'day card over that any day!

    Assumimg money was tight.
    No, money was not tight. And yes, we were married. Before we married he was a lot more willing to shell out a few bucks. And since I'm frugal I never wanted nor expected an expensive, lavish dinner. But free? Come on now.

    PS: nothing for Mother's Day either. His excuse? "You're not MY mother!"

  8. #67
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    No, money was not tight. And yes, we were married. Before we married he was a lot more willing to shell out a few bucks. And since I'm frugal I never wanted nor expected an expensive, lavish dinner. But free? Come on now.

    PS: nothing for Mother's Day either. His excuse? "You're not MY mother!"
    OK that's just ridiculous. And what it shows your child/children too. Glad you have moved on from him and I'm sorry.

  9. #68
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sportster2005
    Someone who wanted to spend more of my time to save a few cents would set my alarm bells ringing. Nothing is more valuable than time. I'm not criticizing, I'm pointing out the differences people have to the OP.

    OP this isn't about money. The money is a symptom, not the cause. The cause is you see and live life differently. IMHO he's a joyless tightwad, to others he's the model of responsibility. People are going to see it differently. The important thing is, how do you see it? You wouldn't be here if you were happy about it.
    You're absolutely correct that people see money issues differently. I have a relative who is an excessive penny-pincher and it's really annoying, especially when we're planning things together. And it's not like he can't afford it. But that's the way he is. We all have different attitudes when it comes to money. The key is to respect the other person's preferences.

  10. #69
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    Thanks everyone for your advise and opinions. My bf and I had a very productive discussion. I think the best way to handle it is being aware of our differences and accepting him for who he is. I thought about it a lot and decided to love him and not expecting to change him and I will handle the situation better next time by being more understanding of his perspective. He said that he doesn't like the feeling of being scammed and taken advantaged of, not that he didn't love me and didn't want to spend extra money on me. In fact he always treats me well and fair by buying little gifts for me all the time and cooking for me. He also agrees that he's greedy sometimes on how much he can save so he will be less opinionated in the future. So hopefully this will help to handle the issue. I think we shouldn't change people but love them for who they are so it makes them feel valuable to you. Once you accepting them, your love will help to influence and change people on their own will.

  11. #70
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ah the old "the love of money is the root of all evil" thing. Unfortunately your love will not change or influence him. Some people are quite proud of their cheap, stingy and frugal personalities. Of course it has nothing to do with money, economics or finances. It has to do with personalities.

    The fact that he thinks he's being "scammed" when ice creme is a few bucks more on vacation or spends a penny or a dollar more in convenience settings is quite a red flag. These are the people who spend hours running around to get it cheaper and in fact waste more on gas and valuable time than it's worth. This is often a can't see the forest for the trees problem.

    You are just dating, so be observant. This is not the time to plan a future or continue on your quest to change him. This is the time to realize his money attitudes and basic personality run deep and will not change with your love.. Internet memes and platitudes like this are giving you dangerous false hopes.
    Originally Posted by lanna0507
    He also agrees that he's greedy sometimes on how much he can save

    Once you accepting them, your love will help to influence and change people on their own will.

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