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Thread: Bf and I have different money footprint

  1. #11
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lanna0507
    I have spending mindset and he has saving mindset.
    And that isn't going to change so you figure out a way to get comfortable with this fundamental difference you two have.
    It seems like you are taking it entirely too personal. As if your attitude towards money is wrong. It's not wrong, it's just different.

  2. #12
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    i have zero debt and pretty good savings. Spending mindset means when I'm on vacation or doing fun things or go out to eat I like to spoil myself instead of restricting myself with certain amount of money i can spend. I have separate savings account for vacation and leisure.

  3. #13
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    yeah thank you for your advice. I totally aware of our differences when it comes to money. I'm still communicating with him to come with solution.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by lanna0507
    i have zero debt and pretty good savings. Spending mindset means when I'm on vacation or doing fun things or go out to eat I like to spoil myself instead of restricting myself with certain amount of money i can spend. I have separate savings account for vacation and leisure.
    That is good! You said that you had a "spending mindset" and so I was assuming that you were not responsible with money.

    I don't know what to say. It does not sound like you two are on the same page regarding money, if he is so frugal...

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    And that isn't going to change so you figure out a way to get comfortable with this fundamental difference you two have.
    It seems like you are taking it entirely too personal. As if your attitude towards money is wrong. It's not wrong, it's just different.
    Agree. To be honest itís the little things that add up and end up putting people over budget. I have a similar mindset to your BF and itís not personal towards anyone, I grew up with thrifty parents and as a single mom living below the poverty line for many years, that mindset hasnít changed now that I make more $$ and I donít really want it to.

  7. #16
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I think if you want a $7 ice cream and it's YOUR money, he should butt out of it. You're not married. When you get married, the financial arrangements might need to be altered, but right now you're free to spend your money on any thing you want.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    No two people will have identical money attitudes. Unfortunately you are both being picky about money. That's what you do have in common. When he balks about the cost, say "my treat". Done.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Are you still living with your family?

  10. #19
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I honestly expected some much worse examples. Speaking for my relationship / marriage, my wife went 11 years of her adulthood pretty much broke as she went through school and residency. She was also raised by pretty Depression-minded parents. There were times early on she'd come close to having a meltdown if she lost a metrocard that still had $5 on it. To me, that was kinda bordering a line. Not being upset about it, but the extent to which she used to be. I'm a bit more inclined to pay some money to save time and effort.

    Still, a 10 minute walk to get better ice cream for a cheaper price, sparing $10 if it simply means holding your own drinks in the tube-- it's not a whole lot of trouble for saving $15 - $20 between the two examples. Are you wrong? No. But it does put someone in an awkward position when you're in a couples situation like buying ice cream on the boardwalk or renting a floating cooler for tubing together. I'd have a much stronger opinion of him if he was over your shoulder while you were on your laptop telling you that you can't spend your own money on a pair of shoes or something.

    So basically, I agree with the others in that this isn't by any means personal. When it comes to situations he either feels he either has to likewise indulge and be complicit or make it awkward sticking to his principles and letting you be the only one eating ice cream at the more expensive stand or using the cooler, he's digging his heels in. Honestly, I'd ask yourself how much walking an extra 10 minutes or holding your own drink while tubing really matters to you. I'm genuinely not mocking you if it does. But if you need a guy willing to open his wallet up for minor conveniences or who's comfortable with the pressure to share in what he considers wasteful should you offer your dime for them, then that's what you need.

    Again speaking personally, I used to be a lot more loose with conveniences than I am now. It can be hard to fully and tangibly grasp how much money you save over the course of time when you really evaluate the dollar:leisure ratio. I'd keep a simple spreadsheet just tallying up times I'd forego an expense I was legit tempted to take and would have if I had not thought about it, and come the end of the year, it was enough for a brand new 65" TV for my man cave. So that's what I did. Zero regrets about passing on the opportunity during the occasions I've just really wanted to take a $10 Lyft instead of spend the extra 10 minutes on the train for $2.50.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    If you're financially sound and responsible, why do you care so much what your boyfriend thinks of how you spend your money? He may be insecure about his own finances. Ask him how he's doing and be open to discussing your finances jointly as a team. Don't take this so personally.

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