Left out by co workers time 500 and sneleventy

This isn’t the first time I’ve felt excluded at a work place. This time I am on tour so I can’t go and see people who actually like me after work is done though because I’m stuck far from home. I had been feeling less iceyness from the crew on this leg of the tour but we all broke for lunch today at the same time and by the time I’d grabbed my bag they had vanished. I guess I could have called or texted someone to ask where they went. It feels a lot like chasing though. I feel like if they wanted my company they would wait. Or tell me where they were going. I feel like I miss out on work related data through being excluded from things like lunch together to but what can I do. I can’t make them like or include me. The only person I can influence is me and I dont want to be chasing after people who are indifferent to my presence, again! Doesn’t really make it sting any less though.

Is there a personality clash? Are you introverted or the friendly type? Is there a particular person in the group whom you could approach and implore them to have compassion to include you? Sometimes, you have to be humble in order to feel included in a group of friends or co-workers / colleagues.

With certain groups, I had to do this. I approached one or two people and asked if I could join them. Then they included me and I felt accepted. You can't just feel sorry for yourself. You have to take action instead of being a loner.

They have to get to know you better if they want your company. Perhaps they exclude you because they don't know who you are as a person. Both parties don't know each other well. Since they're not budging, you'll have to budge in order to change the situation.

I'm sorry, it's painful for you. I want you to be included and have good friends. I hope you will summon the courage to initiate inclusion one of these days. You have to start somewhere in order to see results.

Sorry you're going through this. Do you know why there may be any issues? Sometimes all it takes is one bad apple in the crowd to turn others a certain way. People generally all want to feel accepted and if acceptance is implied by following certain individuals, people will do it whether they really want to or not. It's a social/herd type of instinct.

Try and find ways around the loneliness if you are feeling lonely and remain professional if you're on tour. No, you can't make anyone like you but what you can do is put things in perspective. If you think there are differences that can't be bridged or there are a few not so great personalities in that crowd, let go of the idea of fitting in. The tour will be over eventually. Don't lose sleep over it. The show goes on!

You might be in danger of being "let go". Ive noticed this personally in the past when coworkers start excluding me from team activities and conversations.

Polish up your resume...

What is stopping you from texting someone and asking where they went? You have to be a friend to get a friend and the thought that you are "chasing" when all you're doing is trying to find out where everyone is, is very insecure and your confidence is looking weak by having that kind of thinking.

Next time why don't you ask where everyone is going for lunch BEFORE you leave the group to get your bag? If no one answers you then perhaps you will not come across as just paranoid and will actually have a valid problem in which we all can have a better chance of helping you with.

You will take this post in a defensive manner no doubt but I'm giving this opinion with the best intentions. You are currently your own worst enemy, *1a1a*

Sorry for laying low, I was lurking and reading and appreciating. It’s gotten a little better. One co worker makes a point of inviting me sometimes and the one I ended up identifying as being the most hostile, well I outright asked her what her need was (my running late making her run late - on a day where the schedule had failed to allow us a 10 hour break, I don’t feel bad for that at all, and fast forward a couple of months we’ve settled into an arrangement where if I run late I buy her a milkshake, seems to be working ok).

I know the thoughts I was thinking weren’t doing me any favours (that’s why I post heeere)

Glad things are looking up.

the one I ended up identifying as being the most hostile, well I outright asked her what her need was (my running late making her run late - on a day where the schedule had failed to allow us a 10 hour break, I don’t feel bad for that at all, and fast forward a couple of months we’ve settled into an arrangement where if I run late I buy her a milkshake, seems to be working ok).

just so you know, something like this would piss me off to no end if it happened repeatedly. I actually stopped being friends with a coworker outside of work as well as inside because her poor work ethic affected me. It sucked because she was a great food buddy. But I really started hating her and could no longer bear to be around her. Other people at work hated her, too. She eventually quit and everybody breathed a big sigh of relief.

Just something to think about if you want to keep your work relationships running smoothly. People want a coworker that they can rely on, who they do not have to pick up after. The milkshakes may fast lose their effectiveness.

A milkshake wouldn't do it for me, either. It depends on the person's time commitments. Time for me is precious and I really appreciate that when my colleague and I meet for lunch (about every two months) we are both on time (meaning within 5 minutes) and we're very reliable about making and keeping the plan. Been meeting up for about 3 years now.

Punctuality is an ongoing struggle. Greatly exacerbated on days where achieving it means going into sleep debt because we just worked 14 hours the day before and are expected to do it all again with an 8 hour gap between shift’s end and journey’s start. Or when she wants to leave bang on 10 on a travel day when we have no time commitments in the destination location, apparently we just want to get in on the agreed upon time. We agreed upon an arrival time? I don’t remember being part of that conversation. If I’d been a part of that conversation I might have said I would rather not have time pressure about leaving and arrive when we arrive since this isn’t actually a work day and I use up all my running on time mana on work days.

One of my employees is consistently late or absent. The rest of the team really resents her because they all arrive on time or early, but she just won't. Her excuse is "Well, I'm sorry, but I'm tired!!!" So are the rest of us, but we do what we're paid to do, which is show up on time. No one wants to be her friend or hang out outside of work with her because the resentment is so strong.

I would work on that. You can be on time, just decide you're going to and then do it. It's really that easy.

Punctuality is an ongoing struggle. Greatly exacerbated on days where achieving it means going into sleep debt because we just worked 14 hours the day before and are expected to do it all again with an 8 hour gap between shift’s end and journey’s start. Or when she wants to leave bang on 10 on a travel day when we have no time commitments in the destination location, apparently we just want to get in on the agreed upon time. We agreed upon an arrival time? I don’t remember being part of that conversation. If I’d been a part of that conversation I might have said I would rather not have time pressure about leaving and arrive when we arrive since this isn’t actually a work day and I use up all my running on time mana on work days.

You always have an excuse.

Why be late after you have been once and she didn't like it? Make a time that you both can negotiate and agree upon if you are doing something together off work hours. If you are to be at work at a set time, then be there. No excuses. That is life and you will find your life a whole lot more calm and copacetic if you adhere to the rules set out like everyone else does that is happy and successful, calm and confident. Its up to you. You only have one life so make the best of it.

This reminds me of a work orientation I attended in the 1990s. The leader said "what do you do if you miss a deadline?" (meaning the crucial type that was under discussion). Her answer "you don't". Fair? I don't know. Part of the job? Yes, take it or leave it. So I agreed with her response. That's how important punctuality is especially at work.

This reminds me of a work orientation I attended in the 1990s. The leader said "what do you do if you miss a deadline?" (meaning the crucial type that was under discussion). Her answer "you don't". Fair? I don't know. Part of the job? Yes, take it or leave it. So I agreed with her response. That's how important punctuality is especially at work.

The other factor is, someone else has to take up the slack when a coworker is late or absent.

Last week I had to stay an extra half hour to cover for one of my employees who didn't show up on time. If I hadn't, the department would have had no coverage and that can't happen.

If there's travel involved and being late makes the others late, that's extra inconsiderate.

Keep that in mind when you're wondering why the others don't include you in off-work activities. There most likely is resentment built up.

The other factor is, someone else has to take up the slack when a coworker is late or absent.

 

Last week I had to stay an extra half hour to cover for one of my employees who didn't show up on time. If I hadn't, the department would have had no coverage and that can't happen.

 

If there's travel involved and being late makes the others late, that's extra inconsiderate.

 

Keep that in mind when you're wondering why the others don't include you in off-work activities. There most likely is resentment built up.

Yes, I agree and I have had to do that as well or have the added stress in general. One time we had a very strict deadline and my colleague was late to do her part in another area of the building (meaning I couldn't be in two places at once)-I was having a near (and silent) panic attack. When she finally reached me to tell me she'd arrived her first comment was "darn I just broke a nail". That told me quite a lot about her work ethic.

I have a friend who suffers from depression, a lack of motivation and mood swings. He is one of the nicest people I know and I enjoy spending time with him.

However because of his issues, he is completely unreliable. I personally feel that he uses his depression as an excuse for laziness and sloppiness, though I am not in his head, so perhaps that is a little harsh. In any case the fact is that because of his long history of being late or not turning up to various gatherings, nobody relies on him for anything, so naturally he is sometimes excluded from things where reliability is important, like trips, for example. We are not being mean, but we cannot plan for him to drive one of the cars on a road trip if we are not sure he will wake up in the right mindset to get out of bed and drive.

The world does not revolve around your feelings and needs OP. People tend to respond to others based on how you treat them and how you present yourself. I can come across a little ly and a bit aloof, so I don't tend to make lots of friends and I can even antagonize some people. My very introverted girlfriend is a people-pleaser who is nice to everyone, so despite her introversion, she is popular among the people who know her because she is never disagreeable or unpleasant company. In some ways, other people are a mirror who reflect upon yourself. Stop blaming the outside world for your problems, look within yourself and reflect honestly on what you can do better.

I agree MirrorKnight -been in similar situations.