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Thread: Left out by co workers time 500 and sneleventy

  1. #1
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    Left out by co workers time 500 and sneleventy

    This isnít the first time Iíve felt excluded at a work place. This time I am on tour so I canít go and see people who actually like me after work is done though because Iím stuck far from home. I had been feeling less iceyness from the crew on this leg of the tour but we all broke for lunch today at the same time and by the time Iíd grabbed my bag they had vanished. I guess I could have called or texted someone to ask where they went. It feels a lot like chasing though. I feel like if they wanted my company they would wait. Or tell me where they were going. I feel like I miss out on work related data through being excluded from things like lunch together to but what can I do. I canít make them like or include me. The only person I can influence is me and I dont want to be chasing after people who are indifferent to my presence, again! Doesnít really make it sting any less though.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Is there a personality clash? Are you introverted or the friendly type? Is there a particular person in the group whom you could approach and implore them to have compassion to include you? Sometimes, you have to be humble in order to feel included in a group of friends or co-workers / colleagues.

    With certain groups, I had to do this. I approached one or two people and asked if I could join them. Then they included me and I felt accepted. You can't just feel sorry for yourself. You have to take action instead of being a loner.

    They have to get to know you better if they want your company. Perhaps they exclude you because they don't know who you are as a person. Both parties don't know each other well. Since they're not budging, you'll have to budge in order to change the situation.

    I'm sorry, it's painful for you. I want you to be included and have good friends. I hope you will summon the courage to initiate inclusion one of these days. You have to start somewhere in order to see results.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Sorry you're going through this. Do you know why there may be any issues? Sometimes all it takes is one bad apple in the crowd to turn others a certain way. People generally all want to feel accepted and if acceptance is implied by following certain individuals, people will do it whether they really want to or not. It's a social/herd type of instinct.

    Try and find ways around the loneliness if you are feeling lonely and remain professional if you're on tour. No, you can't make anyone like you but what you can do is put things in perspective. If you think there are differences that can't be bridged or there are a few not so great personalities in that crowd, let go of the idea of fitting in. The tour will be over eventually. Don't lose sleep over it. The show goes on!

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    You might be in danger of being "let go". Ive noticed this personally in the past when coworkers start excluding me from team activities and conversations.

    Polish up your resume...

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    What is stopping you from texting someone and asking where they went? You have to be a friend to get a friend and the thought that you are "chasing" when all you're doing is trying to find out where everyone is, is very insecure and your confidence is looking weak by having that kind of thinking.

    Next time why don't you ask where everyone is going for lunch BEFORE you leave the group to get your bag? If no one answers you then perhaps you will not come across as just paranoid and will actually have a valid problem in which we all can have a better chance of helping you with.

    You will take this post in a defensive manner no doubt but I'm giving this opinion with the best intentions. You are currently your own worst enemy, *1a1a*

  7. #6
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    Sorry for laying low, I was lurking and reading and appreciating. Itís gotten a little better. One co worker makes a point of inviting me sometimes and the one I ended up identifying as being the most hostile, well I outright asked her what her need was (my running late making her run late - on a day where the schedule had failed to allow us a 10 hour break, I donít feel bad for that at all, and fast forward a couple of months weíve settled into an arrangement where if I run late I buy her a milkshake, seems to be working ok).

    I know the thoughts I was thinking werenít doing me any favours (thatís why I post heeere)

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Glad things are looking up.

    Originally Posted by 1a1a
    the one I ended up identifying as being the most hostile, well I outright asked her what her need was (my running late making her run late - on a day where the schedule had failed to allow us a 10 hour break, I donít feel bad for that at all, and fast forward a couple of months weíve settled into an arrangement where if I run late I buy her a milkshake, seems to be working ok).
    just so you know, something like this would piss me off to no end if it happened repeatedly. I actually stopped being friends with a coworker outside of work as well as inside because her poor work ethic affected me. It sucked because she was a great food buddy. But I really started hating her and could no longer bear to be around her. Other people at work hated her, too. She eventually quit and everybody breathed a big sigh of relief.

    Just something to think about if you want to keep your work relationships running smoothly. People want a coworker that they can rely on, who they do not have to pick up after. The milkshakes may fast lose their effectiveness.

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    A milkshake wouldn't do it for me, either. It depends on the person's time commitments. Time for me is precious and I really appreciate that when my colleague and I meet for lunch (about every two months) we are both on time (meaning within 5 minutes) and we're very reliable about making and keeping the plan. Been meeting up for about 3 years now.

  10. #9
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    Punctuality is an ongoing struggle. Greatly exacerbated on days where achieving it means going into sleep debt because we just worked 14 hours the day before and are expected to do it all again with an 8 hour gap between shiftís end and journeyís start. Or when she wants to leave bang on 10 on a travel day when we have no time commitments in the destination location, apparently we just want to get in on the agreed upon time. We agreed upon an arrival time? I donít remember being part of that conversation. If Iíd been a part of that conversation I might have said I would rather not have time pressure about leaving and arrive when we arrive since this isnít actually a work day and I use up all my running on time mana on work days.

  11. #10
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    One of my employees is consistently late or absent. The rest of the team really resents her because they all arrive on time or early, but she just won't. Her excuse is "Well, I'm sorry, but I'm tired!!!" So are the rest of us, but we do what we're paid to do, which is show up on time. No one wants to be her friend or hang out outside of work with her because the resentment is so strong.

    I would work on that. You can be on time, just decide you're going to and then do it. It's really that easy.

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