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Thread: Getting TOO MUCH Attention for Him!!

  1. #21
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    ^ I agree with most of that ^^^

    I will say though: Most people would be insecure when their partner is broadcasting that she is getting approached whie out with her g/f's/buddies and her/his mother as well while knowing through experience that he/she does nothing to shut down the attention of the opposite sex. You can't trust someone that shows they have little to no boundaries when it comes to this sort of thing.
    . .and I wanted to add that that's probably what the bf is bugged about.
    Not about the TOO MUCH attention, but the no attempt at discouraging it.

  2. #22
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    You seem very fixated on exteriors and come across very obnoxious. When a guy approaches, you shut them down. If you're with your bf your smile and say firmly, 'I'm sorry, but as you can see I'm taken.'

    I get attention too, it's really no big deal. If you're in a relationship you really need to have firmer boundaries.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    . .and I wanted to add that that's probably what the bf is bugged about.
    Not about the TOO MUCH attention, but the no attempt at discouraging it.
    Yeah it's not hard to say that you're with your bf.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    ^ I agree with most of that ^^^

    I will say though: Most people would be insecure when their partner is broadcasting that she is getting approached whie out with her g/f's/buddies and her/his mother as well while knowing through experience that he/she does nothing to shut down the attention of the opposite sex. You can't trust someone that shows they have little to no boundaries when it comes to this sort of thing.
    Believe me when I say that I'm not doing anything other than minding my own business and trying to be nice, outgoing and friendly to everyone I come in contact with such as cashiers, service people, etc. After seeing this, out of the clear blue sky a guy will somehow make his way over to insert himself into the discussion or dialog I'm having with someone else whether it be cashiers when I'm alone, or whoever is with me if not alone.

    I sometimes get approached by women who just pay me friendly compliments or ask where I purchased something I may have on.
    A couple of weeks ago, a petite beautiful older Italian woman (think Susan Sarandon with black hair) followed me down two aisles at a Walgreens to tell me she loved my top, shoes, and leather backpack I was wearing.

    In our current world of meanness and hostility, perhaps someone who is positive and smiling is a magnet for others.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    Yeah it's not hard to say that you're with your bf.
    I'm not saying they come up to me and literally ask me out, so sometimes it's hard to tell if they are just being friendly or if it's more. In either case, should I just turn to them and say "Sorry I'm with my man, don't you see him standing here?" If that is the approach I need to take , I might be willing to do that.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I would ask BF what he wants me to do about this. I'd listen to what he has to say without arguing with him. If he says that he's angry because you don't shut these guys down, I'd tell him that I'm taking his suggestion to heart, and I'm going to do that next time, regardless of my own discomfort with being rude. I'd ask BF in exchange for my willingness to try, if he'd be willing to demonstrate some patience and we can discuss how I handled the next incident afterward rather than him getting angry with me.

    If BF is not willing to cooperate during and after this discussion, I'd need to let him go. There's no way that I'd position myself with anyone who won't control his temper and tries to intimidate me--or anyone--with anger. If my willingness to hear him and do my best to discourage interruptions from men doesn't inspire an equal willingness from him to curb a hyper-reaction, then he's not someone with whom I can negotiate going forward, and so the relationship becomes non-negotiable.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Considering he's in a huff and a puff and not so approachable, I don't see why you should do anything unless you see him as more serious dating material. It's at an awkward stall. If you prefer to clarify any misunderstandings and initiate a conversation with him, that's fine. Perhaps this will also be a gateway to some meaningful conversation about your connection and your relationship (where you both see this going). For what it's worth, this relationship seems very superficial, if you don't mind me saying. You both seem like nice people who enjoy a good time out and enjoy each others' company...the end. Long silences and huffs and puffs over a few comments made by strangers are a bit silly overall if this is a very serious relationship.

    If you feel you aren't ready to let go over this and think he's got redeeming qualities and is someone you can see yourself long term with, a conversation to clarify any misunderstandings and talking about solutions like being clear in public you're together or an item might help.

  9. #28
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    You can't stop the madness. You accept it, or move on. That is who he is.

    I'm flattered when guys hit on my gal. I know she's coming home with me no matter who pursues her, so whatever... sounds a bit insecure to me.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    What I'm getting from your post is that you both might be physically attractive, but internally, you are both incredibly insecure and immature. So where does that leave you? He is an angry, jealous, resentful, control freak and you are willing to put up with that because he compliments you and tells you that you are the prettiest, most stunning girl ever. How do you stop this madness? Step out of it and raise your standards and work on your confidence. Outer attractiveness is just not enough when the inside is an ugly mess and in this man's case....ugly is an understatement. Dude is acting with the emotional maturity of a teenager.
    Bingo.

    This post combined with the porn post just screams, Iím insecure.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    C For what it's worth, this relationship seems very superficial, if you don't mind me saying. You both seem like nice people who enjoy a good time out and enjoy each others' company...the end. Long silences and huffs and puffs over a few comments made by strangers are a bit silly overall if this is a very serious relationship.

    If you feel you aren't ready to let go over this and think he's got redeeming qualities and is someone you can see yourself long term with, a conversation to clarify any misunderstandings and talking about solutions like being clear in public you're together or an item might help.
    You are only getting the part of the picture that I've shared and asked for advice on, which is events that occur in social situations when we go out together(which may give the impression that it's superficial). But for what it's worth, this is a serious relationship otherwise. We spend a lot of time together just the two of us at each other's homes, share the same values, goals, views on life in general, and also socialize with friends and families together as a couple. I like his family and they like me, and vice versa. We have professed love for each other, and I could even see us married one day.

    This is really OUR ONLY PROBLEM

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