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Thread: I think she's starting to slip away and it's now hitting me..

  1. #1
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    I think she's starting to slip away and it's now hitting me..

    I've been seeing someone on and off since last October. We get together very casually and primarily watch movies or go to a coffee shop and work on our things individually while sitting together and holding hands. When we get together is usually revolves around spending the night together. It was super simple. I struggle with commitment due to a rough history with previous relationships.

    We never had a conversation talking about us or what we were going to do in the future, whether it be together or separate. I never knew how to bring it up. Maybe I was just used to having her around and knew we would see each other again. Maybe she felt the same. Maybe she was waiting this whole time for me to initiate something.

    We call each other when we get stressed or lonely and often talk about needing each other when things get tough. We even began to play a video game together. It was so cute! I was finally starting to feel like we should be a true couple. I thought maybe it was understood that we loved being with each other.

    I'm just not really sure what happened. I got a more involved job and she graduated school and began work on her own. We both got super busy with our lives and I had to move to a new place so I can no longer simply walk to her apartment anymore (we live in New York City). Lately I've been trying to get ahold of her because I want to see her and I can't get a response back. I'm not sure if she's just in a busy spell again or if she's starting to drift away. I haven't seen her in a month and we usually see each other once a week or so. I'm feeling like I'm losing her and am starting to blame myself for not attempting to define the relationship. I don't know why I've been too afraid to ask. If I am losing her, how can I not beat my self up internally and blame myself for this happening?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    It sounds like you two are drifting apart. A month is a very long time compared to seeing each other once a week.

    Try calling or texting her and see if you two can get together for coffee to have a discussion. If she's simply too busy then there is your answer. She lost interest in you, she's very busy, graduated, has a new job, moved away and she's venturing out with a new life of her own now.

    It's not your fault. You are not to blame. Life gets extremely busy and whenever people have new adventures, the old life and previous people in it becomes a blurry memory.

    When I finished college, attained a new job, met my husband back in the day, suddenly I had a new set of friends and my husband's friends. I became so busy with my new life that I left my previous friends in the dust. I was even too busy for family, too. I didn't settle down into a close knit family and friends life until many years later. It's no one's fault. When life moves fast, it's like a bullet train without stops.

  3. #3
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    I miss her though. We both lifted each other up when our lives were getting tough and I'm going through a tough patch again. I just feel like she doesn't need me anymore, which is creating an empty space inside me.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you still in touch on social media? Invite her to your new place. You may have to accept that you've grown apart because, well life happened. Ask her how her new job is. In the mean time you may have to make friends in your new building/neighborhood and and start going to your own new regular places. Consider getting on some dating apps and offering more than fwb when you meet someone you would like to see regularly.
    Originally Posted by OneRainyDay
    I got a more involved job and she graduated school and began work on her own. We both got super busy with our lives and I had to move to a new place so I can no longer simply walk to her apartment anymore.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    You've been seeing her for a while and even though you tried to get some sort of clarification about the relationship, she instead talked about other dates and other men.
    Relationships either move forward and deepen or they fall to the wayside.
    Though the two of you seemed to enjoy each others company, the relationship never really solidified itself.
    Unfortunately it seems as if it's run it's course.
    I'm sorry.
    Next time push for some clarification earlier, that way you aren't left hanging and while still romantically attached.

  7. #6
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    Yeah, been trying to get her to meet up but I can't seem to get much of a response other than small talk. Maybe I'll have to let it be and she if she would ever want to reach out on her own.

  8. #7
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    Update: She's gone

  9. #8
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by OneRainyDay
    Update: She's gone


    Sorry ORD... we are always here to listen...


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