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Thread: How do I deal with him ghosting on me?

  1. #11
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    Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me, and I hear a song (we were always deeply connected by music too) and I remember so many good times together, I could tell he felt something for me, I know it was real, his smile, us laughing with each other... how does it all feel like a lie now? How can he feel nothing towards me in such little time? I just can't stop crying..

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Focus less on him and less on calling him names. It's not going to do any good what you call him, quite honestly. The problem is you so start fixing your anxiety and figure out a way to avoid characters that undermine who and what you are. As you build resentment, that resentment will also eat at you and drain your energy. You're not capitalizing on your strengths. Instead you're preying on the weaknesses of others and building up negativity in yourself.

    You're never really going to stop being a magnet for bad behaviour if you don't change your perspective and the way you date.
    thank you for this.

  3. #13
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    I think you had some serious rose-coloured glasses for this guy.

    He has a history of cheating. (You don't know he hasn't already done the same to you, unfortunately) He is lazy and spoiled and mooches off others. He is irresponsible. The overall impression I get is that he is an incredibly immature person. You really only saw that in the way that he broke up with you, but he was never as great as you believed.

    I am sorry this has happened, in any event. He sounds like a tool. It seems it's going to be a big wake-up call for you in terms of paying more attention to the red flags earlier on. They were there. This relationship didn't have legs, but I have a feeling it will be a significant turning point for you and you will make better choices in dating in the future.

  4. #14
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    Yep. Just be glad that this is over. You 2 are completely incompatible and he has major issues he needs to work through before dating again!

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  6. #15
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    Thank you everyone for the replies. I feel a little better. Iím still a mess inside, I cry out of the blue, my mind wonít stop going round and round and I feel like Iím doing things on automatic. This is probably the biggest relationship trauma of my life and I donít even know how to put into words what Iím feeling... all I know is that I was an amazing woman to this guy even though he did not recognize that, and through all this emptiness Iím feeling I feel like Iíve done my best too...

  7. #16
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    simply left without giving me the right for us to work things out

    I know you are hurting and venting out feelings but some of the words you chose to describe what's transpiring has a small bit of entitlement to it.

    I suppose after all you did for him you should feel you are entitled to an explanation. Or - the right to work it out. But ultimately people don't stay or love someone because they feel a sense of obligation for all that was done for them.

    In the future don't overcompensate for man-children. By doing so you created a parent/child relationship and children eventually grow up. And they ultimately don't respect you for doing `too much' for them.

    I am sorry you are hurting. Try not to mind read and anticipate all these terrible things he'll do. By doing so you are only hurting yourself, long after he's already left. Maybe lay low in the meantime, at least until some of the intensity passes and you can see thing a little more clearer.

  8. #17
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Give him tons of time to "breathe" meaning make a final break from him. Break up for real. Do it politely and calmly. You deserve happiness and he's not the one for you. Never remain in a toxic, dysfunctional relationship because all he'll do is drag you down with him. Be with normal minded, stable people.

    Also, if he ghosted you, good riddance! You should be glad and relieved! He needs to take a long walk on a short pier.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    There's a lot of good advice here, please heed it. This is not the guy for you. Keep going to therapy.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    simply left without giving me the right for us to work things out

    I know you are hurting and venting out feelings but some of the words you chose to describe what's transpiring has a small bit of entitlement to it.

    I suppose after all you did for him you should feel you are entitled to an explanation. Or - the right to work it out. But ultimately people don't stay or love someone because they feel a sense of obligation for all that was done for them.

    In the future don't overcompensate for man-children. By doing so you created a parent/child relationship and children eventually grow up. And they ultimately don't respect you for doing `too much' for them.

    I am sorry you are hurting. Try not to mind read and anticipate all these terrible things he'll do. By doing so you are only hurting yourself, long after he's already left. Maybe lay low in the meantime, at least until some of the intensity passes and you can see thing a little more clearer.
    Bingo.

    I dont think hes a narcissist and guess what? None of us here would even slightly have the ability to diagnose anyone with a serious mental illness, so I'd kinda avoid that road because it just feeds what you describe as an already unhealthy sense of reality.

    He was a jerk, but with your low self esteem, he was your dating pool and you got him and clung to him like white on rice. You were needy by your own retelling, and he got what he wanted out of you, your acts of service made you think that made him in debt to you, but thats not how normal relationships work.

  11. #20
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    So did he actually say to you that he's breaking up and it's over? Because you said: "He broke up and just disappeared". He sounds awful but to be honest, if he did break up with you first then it's not exactly ghosting. I guess he just ended it and now he doesn't want to talk anymore. I know you desperately want to know the reason why he ended it but the reason may just be that he found other girls (He was a cheater before), or now that he has a job and he has money, he doesn't need you anymore. It sounds like he was using you financially. He is also a coward if after more than a year and more than two years of friendship he can't talk at least once to explain himself to you. I think you are much better off without him.

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