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Thread: Am I being guilt tripped?

  1. #11
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    You can't be with her for every single minute of the day. Why is she having trouble understanding this? She sounds histrionic...

    Has she mentioned that she misses home?

  2. #12
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    She sounds like a real drag and won't allow you to have a social life unless you revolve her life 24 / 7. She's being selfish and manipulative. YOU need to enforce boundaries with her and YOU need to get tough.

    Or, can she join you with your friends and can you introduce them to her? Do they have girlfriends so you can introduce them to your gf? Include her in your social life since you're a couple now. This is what my husband did for me when we were dating. I enjoyed being with his friends and they eventually became my friends, too.

  3. #13
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    She sounds unhappy in general and with you/the relationship in particular. Did she move because of you/your work? Is she homesick? No she is not "manipulating" you, she is crying out for attention albeit in unhealthy ways. You've been with her 4 years and now it's worse so clearly the new city is bothering her.

    Why don't you try to keep the romance alive a bit more? Do you have date nights? Do you do fun things on weekends? Have you made efforts to explore your new city together? Have you signed up for clubs events groups that you could do together? Have you tried to make new friends with neighbors or people at golf or other types or clubs groups? When is the last time you went back and visited friends/family where you came from?

    If you are just going to work then going out with your people and without her, and not doing much else with her you can expect her discontent and 'aches and pains' to get much worse. Soon you'll hear how "she's been thinking", then you'll be "blindsided" that she suddenly left 'out of the blue". In other words, her complaints are unhappiness and loneliness dressed up as hypochondria.
    Well I've tried most of those things. The problems always seem to flare up just before we are due to do something new. At least she seems comfortable around my friends - I always invite her to spend time with my work friends. Initially she didn't want to but now she is happy to come to those meet ups.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LostTurtle
    Well I've tried most of those things. The problems always seem to flare up just before we are due to do something new. At least she seems comfortable around my friends - I always invite her to spend time with my work friends. Initially she didn't want to but now she is happy to come to those meet ups.
    Well then you are seeing who she is, Ms. Downer. So, is this good enough for you?

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  6. #15
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    There's no value in assigning a label to her behaviour. And there is no value in taking a "You're right, she's wrong" approach.

    Her behaviour centers around her needs being met. That is selfish. Selfish isn't always a bad thing. The self is very important. The issue seems like she's always putting her needs ahead of yours. This would get tiring. Ultimately separate the individual from the behaviour, and deal with the behaviour.

    I suspect a major life change, like you have made recently, is going to exacerbate the anxiety. Maybe what she is experiencing is temporary, and will resolve as she gets more familiar and secure with her new surroundings. If you love her, and want this to work, this is an issue for the professionals. If her anxiety continues, or worsens, then you have a different decision to make. For now take a deep breath, shoulder more of the burden while you try to get her anxiety sorted.

    Although anger and resentment might be normal, it won't solve any of your problems. Don't make any decision while you're angry.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Did you move for your work?
    Originally Posted by LostTurtle
    my work friends.

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