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Thread: She was hit on by one of her friends

  1. #71
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JulianAR
    Iíve been told relationships take work. Isnít this the work people are talking about? If itís not a deal breaker it can be worked on, canít it?
    No... the work people are talking about is working on themselves, in the context of being a better partner to the other, not on changing the other person.

    She doesnít want to change so that leaves you with either accepting her or moving on.

  2. #72
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Trust her or not, she ain't that invested in you, OP.

    You might want to work on it. Problem is? She clearly doesn't care enough to do the heavy lifting required of her. You can't work on this alone. If she is still flirting and making plans to go "drinking" in some other dude's bedroom, working on your relationship is not on her radar. She's having too much fun tempting fate.

    I behaved like her a bit when I was 19, 20. Having fun, flirting, soaking up male attention when I shouldn't have been. Indulging in just-risky-enough behaviour to get my thrills while not actually cheating. I had been with my then-boyfriend a couple years by that point, too. We were fully integrated in each others' lives. However, I clearly wasn't ready to settle down and be seriously committed. Your girl isn't either, no matter how badly you want her to be. We spent a few years together before I broke up with him. Did I regret the way I acted? Yes, on many occasions. Did I regret ending it with him? No. I wasn't into him enough anymore to continue. My selfish behaviour was just the manifestation of my immaturity and lack of true desire to stay with him.

    This relationship won't be the one that lasts a lifetime for you. You might be ready for that type of commitment. She isn't. She will cycle through a couple more boyfriends first, making immature mistakes, going back and forth between regretting her actions but not totally regretting them, either. I have a feeling you will stick around, but she will be the one who ultimately pulls the plug.
    This is a great post!

  3. #73
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    IMO it's all about what things you shouldn't have to do and one of them is having access to each other's devices. If you have to look in order to make sure they are honest, then you yourself are not in the right relationship.

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