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Thread: Is it possible not to be in a romantic relationship never in life?

  1. #1
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    Is it possible not to be in a romantic relationship never in life?

    I am 22 years old and I've never been in a relationship or dated anyone nor even kissed anyone. I really was never interested in that and of course I liked people who was not interested in me or did not know about my feelings. But recently I've been diagnosed with BDD (I suffer from this since 2013) but this year has been the worst of my life since I felt what it could be like to have depression. Anyway,I really don't see myself in a romantic relationship,I am so insecure and feel so inadequate to the rest of the world that I really see it impossible to be in love with someone and I feel like being in a relationship with that person,even if that person would feel the same towards me I don't think I could handle the situation qith my insecurities. This has been recently creating anxiety within me because EVERYTHING revolves around relationships,romance,dating and I feel so external to that world and feel so bad when that topic is mentioned in a conversation. I wonder if it is really weird not being with anyone for years and years. You know as you grow older people tend to ask "haven't you ever dated or been in a relationship?" And at my age I started to find that question really uncomfortable and anxiety-triggering.

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    You are possessed of great wisdom realising you canít date while insecure. Imagine if you never dated, what would you fill your life with to make it meaningful? (Hobbies, goals, dreams, ambitions). Fill your life with those things and keep doing the work on your mental health. Maybe you never will find reciprocal attraction but youíll be living your best life which is all one can ask for really.

    What are your friendships like? I think one can get along without a partner but Iíve been there with no close connections at all and I donít think humans are meant for that

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I didnít have my first relationship until I was 22 . My son has never had a relationship and he is 21. I donít think itís totally unusual .

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    Originally Posted by 1a1a
    You are possessed of great wisdom realising you canít date while insecure. Imagine if you never dated, what would you fill your life with to make it meaningful? (Hobbies, goals, dreams, ambitions). Fill your life with those things and keep doing the work on your mental health. Maybe you never will find reciprocal attraction but youíll be living your best life which is all one can ask for really.

    What are your friendships like? I think one can get along without a partner but Iíve been there with no close connections at all and I donít think humans are meant for that
    Yeah,that's exactly what I think about. Living my life with dreams, goals and hobbies and of course taking care of my mental health day by day,which will take a long time.
    Life would be easier if people didn't focus so much on that whatsoever.
    Haven't you ever been in a relationship?

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  6. #5
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    Kind of.

    I don't want to be rude but I think insecure people hold themselves from relationships. I don't think theres one person in this world that is "too ugly" for a partner. It just comes down to their self esteem and how willing they are to put themselves out there.

    Unless you're in prison you should have many opportunities to meet someone. You have bars. There's work. There's school. There's online websites... and so on, it just comes down to one thing: is the person willing to step out of their comfort zone to search.

    As sad as it might sound I think finding a fling or boyfriend is easy, you can find someone and date a few years but then eventually break up and then you find someone else and it's the same cycle. Finding someone is easy, finding someone to spend the rest of your life with is the challenging part.

    You could easily: find someone > date a few years > get married > have kids > get divorced > find someone else > date > get married > maybe have a few more kids > divorce > find someone else > date until death...

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You seem very cloistered like you don't get out much. I'm sorry if this comes off the wrong way. If you get out and meet people (overcome your insecurities), you'll probably meet plenty of people (nearly everyone around you) who have something or other they don't like about themselves. Everyone has some beef about what they look like or what they aren't very good at. For some reason you think you're different and unique and less than the average person. It's a big joke really: we go through our lives sometimes thinking we're not good enough and the fact is there are a billion and one other people who think the same thing you do. You're a bit fixated and very stuck on yourself. Get out a bit more and don't depend on other people to grow. You should be motivated in your own way to experience new things and develop relationships in the process.

    Take care of yourself and don't wallow in self-pity or your let your anxiety get the better of you.

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    Originally Posted by Butterfly44o
    You know as you grow older people tend to ask "haven't you ever dated or been in a relationship?" And at my age I started to find that question really uncomfortable and anxiety-triggering.
    Wow, you're hardly out of the gate, and people are pulling this crap on you.

    I don't know if it's possible or not. I think it's too early to be asking. I would encourage you not to put too much stress on yourself. Society can go f itself. Do what you need to do to get confident and comfortable with yourself. Continue your treatment, you are getting treatment??

    A much wiser person once said to me "You can't lie to yourself". What he meant was if you say things like "EVERYTHING revolves around relationships,romance,dating" then that will be your reality, regardless if it's true or false. It is false, btw.

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    Almost everything you can do in a relationship you can do out of one. A relationship is a nice way to attach yourself to something and feel connected but it is not the only way, and certainly can be one of the messiest ways if the attachment goes haywire. Just look at how many posts are in here from people desperate to reconnect after losing access to their relationship. Friends, family, projects, adventures, there's plenty of worthwhile meaning to be had in this life that doesn't revolve around a relationship.

    That said you are only 22 and have plenty of time to find your way. I was 28 in my first relationship, and that was probably the earliest I was ready for one. Rather than considering the entirety of your life, most of which you really are not in a place to predict, see if you can focus on what you can do each day to make things a little better for yourself. Also remember that your path is your own. You don't need to measure it by the standards of what you see around you. What may be "weird" to someone else might just be your normal. And that's perfectly OK.


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