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Thread: He wants to experiment with his feminine side

  1. #41
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    You're unhappy.
    I believe you hit a nerve right there, I've never cried in 25 years because of my marriage! And now, is like a weekly thing. Blaming the darn allergies for my puffy eyes. sigh...

  2. #42
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    if you hit the "reply to quote" button when responding to posters, it will help a lot to know who you are talking to.
    thanks for the tip, I'm so new on this kind of forums.

  3. #43
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    I would absolutely go to therapy. Who cares if he knows. your health insurance could even cover it.

    Maybe he doesn't want you in therapy because he is afraid of being talked about, and also maybe wants to be in control -- afraid that the therapist will validate your concerns. Its one thing to do things in private or as a couple to get your kicks on if that is what floats your boat, but because the kids know about this, it is in different territory. i would be grossed out if my SISTER (germs!) was borrowing my eyeshadow and mascara let alone my dad. You need to put the kabosh on him taking things from your teenagers. That crosses a really big line, in my books.

  4. #44
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Maybe he doesn't want you in therapy because he is afraid of being talked about, and also maybe wants to be in control -- afraid that the therapist will validate your concerns.
    I agree with you; he is afraid to go to therapy and find out all that he has been repressing for so many years, not only cross-dressing but who knows what else is inside his mind, right?

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  6. #45
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    Originally Posted by McMurphy1973
    I agree with you; he is afraid to go to therapy and find out all that he has been repressing for so many years, not only cross-dressing but who knows what else is inside his mind, right?
    That's not what i meant === he is afraid of YOU going to therapy by yourself because that means people are talking about him, and that he can't control what the therapist tells you (ie, tells you to leave, tells you to stay and set strong boundaries for your well-being, etc or just simply listens and validates you).

    btw, if he knows there is a nanny cam, did he *want* your kids and you to find out?? Even if he did this, how dare he expose the kids to this instead of having discussions with you about it

    Did he not want to meet your brother because he's afraid your brother has subconcious radar and would have figured him out?

  7. #46
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    Originally Posted by McMurphy1973
    My brother is gay, and I've been by his side since he came out 30 years ago, so yes, I'm educated on that topic.

    I do understand that exploring doesn't mean transitioning, and that is why I talked about it with him in the first place, I offered my support to understand what is going on inside his mind, to help him, but I am confused. I mean if he never approved of my brother, then why he wants to explore his feminine side?

    It's contradictory, don't you think so?
    If he feels shame and guilt or insecure (this is probably the reason he hides) then this will manifest as self righteousness and judgment of others who are comfortable expressing themselves. My guess (only a guess) is that deep down inside your husband is envious of your brother being out and proud about who he is.

    Contradictory? Yes. Surprising? Not at all given how long he has been trying to hide who he is. Depending on his beliefs this may be a continuous struggle until he accepts himself for who he is.

  8. #47
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    McMurphy1973

    First I wanted to say how sorry I am to hear you and your family are dealing with this. I know you mentioned divorce and feeling lost, but there are options for the both of you. If you are in a major city, you can look up a PFLAG chapter and go to their social support meeting. It might help you to connect to other spouses with partners who decided to explore their gender. It might help your husband talk to others asking the same thing.

    I suspect he still loves you very much and he struggled with this for his entire life. I suspect her carried guilt and self hate for having those feelings. Please dont add to the pain of the relationship by seeking an immediate divorce. This might be an opportunity to further explore your relationship and develop a deeper love.

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