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Thread: He wants to experiment with his feminine side

  1. #11
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    My guess is, he's been doing this for a very long time but just now decided to come out to you about it. Caitlyn Jenner said that she used to sneak into her sister's closet at 6 years of age, and that she (he then) became so amazing at running, as she was running away from herself.
    Caitlyn Jenner is Bruce Jenner and is a MAN, a HE!

    Honestly, what has become of our society where people think they can change, at will, their Gender...

    This man showing his "Feminine Side" is not normal, and his wife and children SHOULD be upset!

  2. #12
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    Huge difference between transvestites and transsexuals, and non-binary. How is your sex life before you found out? Is he still hot for you?

    Think, is this the worst possible scenario for you? I'm 41, so if my hubs one day decided he needed to wear nail polish, I'd laugh, but wouldn't care. Nail polish and undies don't make you gay. It's a sensation or he's just a cross-dresser. Cross-dressing doesn't equal gay or trans.

    Now if he's gay, totally another story too.

  3. #13
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    Nothing before this topic, he is (was?) very conservative, I have a gay brother which he refused to meet even at our wedding, he said he respected my brother's way of life, but whenever we had a family event, my husband always had something to do and didn't go. So no, we never talked about his sexuality (o any) in any way, he never liked to talk about sexuality issues.

    Regarding some hints, only once... he asked me to have a mani-pedi with me, which I said ok, nothing wrong about that, my dad used to go with me (he has diabetes so he needs a specialist to clip his toenails) so I didn't see anything wrong about that, he didn't go, and I ended up by myself at the nail salon.

    I started the conversation about seven months ago, in a very mature way, and I offer my support to be there and listen to what he had to say, he didn't look at me during the entire conversation, he only said that he is experimenting with his feminine side, that was all. He did ask not to tell the kids (teenagers) because he was going to do it, which of course I accepted, he didn't do it, he just asked: "do you mind?" (referring to the nail polish and makeup) which my kids just said they couldn't care less, but they rant the entire time to me about what is going on.
    So, is a lot of emotional pressure coming from everyone.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok he's upsetting the apple cart. Again, get to therapy privately to explore how this impacts you and what you can do and how you can manage, whatever you decide to do. In therapy you can also discuss how to approach your kids when they rant about it.

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  6. #15
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    Yes, he is, natural tones so "no one notices it" and he even got stilettos, which he only wears at the house when we are not around (my kids where checking on the dogs with the nanny-cam and of course they saw him) I didn't know he had those or the dress...
    I guess my problem is the constant secrecy and lies to the family because when I ask where is all this going to, he evades the topic.
    Our relationship was good, at least I think it was, we were not as active as when we were young and without kids, but active.

  7. #16
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    Yes, he got my lipsticks and nail polishes, mine and my kids. I didn't notice before, because my girls do that all the time. It was spring cleaning that I found a travel bag with all our stuff inside his closet.
    Months later the travel bag grew with new stuff he has been ordering online or buying when he travels, he travels a lot, like a lot.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Camber 2019
    Caitlyn Jenner is Bruce Jenner and is a MAN, a HE!

    Honestly, what has become of our society where people think they can change, at will, their Gender...

    This man showing his "Feminine Side" is not normal, and his wife and children SHOULD be upset!
    Not to get into the discussion of gender fluidity, but it is relevant to the OP's concern, so I will. Caitlynn Jenner didn't change her gender "at will". She started at 6 years old, sneaking into her sister's closet. It's who she always was. She was physically born a man, but always knew she was more comfortable in her femininity.

    Why I brought up Caitlynn particularly is where it might relate to the OP: Caitlynn has said that "she" is definitely still a man genetically, and she never intends to have male to female surgery. She will always be physically a man, and she is still attracted to other women. She now actually has a girlfriend. But prior to this girlfriend, she said imagine the difficulty in finding a relationship as a man who dresses like a woman, wanting to find a woman who wants a cross-dressing man who now identifies as a female.

    This part is irrelevant to this conversation, as are all of our personal opinions on this matter, but I'm a "be yourself, no judgment" kind of gal.

    My point is, OP, do you think you can still maintain a relationship with your man, with the cross-dressing? Does he want to? Again, therapy will help you sort out your own answer.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Seems like the hardest part is that he refuses to talk about it at all or explain anything. Nobody just wakes up one day and decides to experiment like that. I guess the real question is what this actually is. Is he just cross dressing in private as a sort of fetish? Is he looking to go full drag queen? Is he in total denial about being gay himself? Unfortunately, the extreme rejection of your brother might be a clue here combined with complete refusal to discuss sexuality.

    The biggest issue is your children being affected. It sounds like, whether he likes it or not, you will have to force an honest conversation about what's what. He cannot continue in quasi silence, quasi denial anymore while expecting his entire family to just stand by. At any rate, it's 2019, not 1920. Whatever, whoever he is, he needs to own it and he owes some honesty to you and his kids about that.

  10. #19
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    I tried not to affect me, but he keeps adding new things to the equation, not only the nail polish, or the makeup, now he wears stilettos or a dress when we are not home (the problem/bliss whit nanny-cams).

    He told me I was selfish for not letting him figure this out, so I'm confused with all this.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You're not 'selfish", you're confused. Stop spying and make an appt with a therapist.
    Originally Posted by McMurphy1973
    I tried not to affect me, but he keeps adding new things to the equation, not only the nail polish, or the makeup, now he wears stilettos or a dress when we are not home (the problem/bliss whit nanny-cams).He told me I was selfish for not letting him figure this out, so I'm confused with all this.

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