No physical attraction

So. I had been talking to an amazing lady for over a year. She lives reasonably close by, but due to life being what it is, we haven't actually been able to spend a lot of time together. We mostly communicated online and by phone. The times we did actually meet up were for things like meeting for lunch dates, or a movie or something. We are both awkward people, but despite that, there was plenty of physicality during these meetings. Hand holding, touching, kissing, etc.

We had both admitted we were falling for each other, and yes. The L word was used. Frequently. I would tell her I love her, she would tell me she loves me.

Last weekend she came up to visit, we stayed in a hotel room. And then she dropped the bomb on me and said she wasn't really feeling any physical attraction. That hurt! It sucks because we are exactly what the other is looking for, other than this one obstacle. We have decided to have a conversation about this sometime during the week, but we have gone from almost constant conversation about anything and everything, to awkward small talk.

Should I just give up?

I'm so sorry, Michael. :(

Yes, this is a woman's way of telling you she's not into you and it won't work.

I don't know the reason behind it but if I were to guess, she probably found someone else. Why I say this is, because if she truly wasn't attracted to you, she wouldn't have spent so much time with you and been so physical...at least not after the first time.

So my guess is, she found someone she likes more. Either way, you need to accept that it's over.

Physical attraction is important. Imo, you should give up. Imagine getting together and ending up in a sexless relationship/ marriage. Why subject yourself into such a frustrating situation? She may look good on paper but it turns out that you two are not compatible.

Sorry to hear that. I've had that sort of thing said to me before (by someone who, like you, I had strong feelings for) and man, it does hurt!

Out of interest, how many times would you say you met up over the year you've been talking? If you had to put an approximate number on it?

Sorry to hear that. I've had that sort of thing said to me before (by someone who, like you, I had strong feelings for) and man, it does hurt!

 

Out of interest, how many times would you say you met up over the year you've been talking? If you had to put an approximate number on it?

Four times.

Ohh wow, I didn't realise you meant as few as that.

If you've only been able to schedule 4 actual in person dates in a year then, being realistic, your schedules just aren't compatible. Imo, in the long term you'll see this as a blessing in disguise - you'll meet someone sooner or later who you like just as much but who you're actually able to see on a regular basis.

In the future, don't invest a whole year into someone when it's like pulling teeth to get them to meet up. I'm going to guess it was her that didn't make meeting up a priority. I could no longer date anybody who said my looks didn't wow them.

I'd tell her, "I wish you well, but want to go no contact so I can seek a potential love interest elsewhere."

Get off the internet, except for looking at where Meetup.com activities are taking place in your area for singles in your age range. You could also try dance lessons, book discussion groups, and volunteer opportunities, like at a zoo or museum. Good luck.

Are either of you married/living with someone or parents? Why meet up in a hotel? This is not dating or a relationship. It's 4 meet ups in a year and a primarily texting situation. It sounds like you're wasting your time with her. Delete and block her and get on some dating apps (if you're not married/living with someone) and start messaging and meeting local available women. Date at least once a week to keep the momentum going.

-She lives reasonably close by

-Last weekend she came up to visit, we stayed in a hotel room.

Are either of you married/living with someone or parents? Why meet up in a hotel? This is not dating or a relationship. It's 4 meet ups in a year and a primarily texting situation. It sounds like you're wasting your time with her. Delete and block her and get on some dating apps (if you're not married/living with someone) and start messaging and meeting local available women. Date at least once a week to keep the momentum going.

We are both single. I'm divorced. She never married, but I dont have a place of my own, I had to move in with close friends after the divorce....and she is recently separated, and still sharing a house with her ex. So.....yeah.

Why would you think you "love" someone that you've only spent 4 times in real life with? That is infatuation and since you booked into a hotel and you STILL didn't have sex, then perhaps Libidos aren't matching as well.

I would also like to understand why you booked into a hotel and you didn't have her to your place or she hers???

What do you mean by "you are both awkward people?"

She's a married woman living with her husband (he's not her ex and they are not separated) and wants a cyber affair. Delete and block her. Get on dating apps and start messaging and meeting available local single women. Get your own place if you want a decent chance at attracting women.

she is recently separated and still sharing a house with her ex.

She's a married woman living with her husband (he's not her ex and they are not separated) and wants a cyber affair. Delete and block her. Get on dating apps and start messaging and meeting available local single women. Get your own place if you want a decent chance at attracting women.

Ditto what Wiseman says!

She's a married woman living with her husband (he's not her ex and they are not separated) and wants a cyber affair. Delete and block her. Get on dating apps and start messaging and meeting available local single women. Get your own place if you want a decent chance at attracting women.

Ahhh... missed that or it didn't register at the time I posted.

Completely agree with you Wiseman.

You were a rebound....now she's bouncing back to her husband.

They weren't married, not that it's an important detail.

They weren't married, not that it's an important detail.

Maybe not, but what is important is she's living with someone whom she calls her "ex." In spite of what she's telling you, that alone is a major red flag.

At any rate it appears she's bowing out, which you should be doing, as well.

How do you guys infer she is married? While that might be a possibility, this happens all the time with singles.

A year of dating is way more time than needed if she were ever going to fall in love with you. Her saying there is no physical attraction means you are done.

You have run into a professional dater. Some women will date a man when they approve of him, but feel nothing - because they don't have another man on the horizon, they don't have any other options that they can see. It's best to watch for signs of this in the first few weeks and then tell them, "Let's be friends". The slow dating was your clue. Of course the women are too beautiful and most men would never be brash enough to say such a thing. So don't feel bad! This whole love thing is mostly a woman's game (good for them I say).

Should I just give up?

Yes. ................