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Thread: 10 years 2 kids left me for another man advice please

  1. #21
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Empof401
    Because we have 2 children together and relationships face trials.
    You consider this a trial?
    Do you have any deal breakers and if so, what are they?

  2. #22
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    Cheating isn't a trial. Don't destroy your children's lives by flogging a dead horse. Work on being good parents. You don't need to be together to do that.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    You consider this a trial?
    Do you have any deal breakers and if so, what are they?
    Listen I understand what you mean. But stuff happens I canít control how I feel itís still early maybe with time my feelings will change but right now. It was stressful our last year I know there was strain and I just feel if we try again things CAN be better I may be delusional but I believe in second chances but not thirds

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    Cheating isn't a trial. Don't destroy your children's lives by flogging a dead horse. Work on being good parents. You don't need to be together to do that.
    Either way my childrenís lives are going to be effected. Couples get past these things all the time. I donít expect her back anytime soon Iím working on being a better person and parent. I just mean in the future. Iím not begging nor chasing Iím in NC.
    But again I understand where you are coming from. I havenít stopped moving forward

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  6. #25
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    OK I wish you all the best come what may. I hope it all works out for you all.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Your first post mentions that you weren't as faithful either at the start. If cheating is a cause for ending the relationship, this should have ended a long time ago but both of you are still here. That's why this is a trial for you, not a dealbreaker. Seeing other people, hanky panky, emotional mindgames have all worked their way in so that it's part of a the normal workings of how both of you operate and function as a dysfunctional couple. You're very aware of any hypocritical remarks you make against her and that's why you've asked many questions about whether all this is ok for you.

    I think you should heal yourself and find personal therapy to heal what's been broken inside you for a long time (trust and faith in others and in yourself). Someone who engages in distrustful behaviour has usually committed the worst transgression against his/her own self: you can't trust yourself. You're going to have to start at ground zero, right from the beginning with the first person you screwed over: yourself. Second is her and the kids. Perhaps, vice versa and that's the work she needs to do with herself too.

    It doesn't sound at this rate like anything will be fixed or come to any solution easily. At worst, you have an unstable mum running between houses (yours and others) and in and out of your kids' lives. At best, you still have some civility. I think you should work on those boundaries like you already mentioned and work on yourself (heal yourself) in tandem. You cannot recognize hurtful and debilitating behaviours around you until you heal yourself. You're too broken and unsound right now. Take the time to heal.

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