Throwaway114 Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 Today I (23M) had a really bad fight with my alleged girlfriend (21). I say it was bad because she yelled at me, hit me, insulted me, and belittled me in public. I was deadpan and non-reactive. The fight was over me spending 30 minutes in the restroom while she sat at a table to order food at a restaurant. I was in the bathroom to get away from her because she randomly snapped at me while we were supposed to be having a good time. She claimed that she was joking, but when she snapped I took a full 5 seconds to read the expression on her face in disbelief. She was clearly not joking. However, when I mention this she says, “well, you expect me to believe you when you say you’re joking, so you should believe me.” Here’s the thing: The other day she randomly brought up how anime makes her angry so I jokingly said, “who are you to not like anime? I like anime and I’m wayyyy cooler than you.” She took great offense to this and refused to accept that I wasn’t serious. She stated “to me that was not a joke.” Ok, to HER, it’s not a joke. She didn’t think it was funny. But now she’s using that situation to be the biggest in the world then claim she’s joking. BUT... she actually does this all of the time. Whenever I feel that she has wronged me in some way, I somehow magically misunderstood her and she was just kidding. She has done this from the beginning of our friendship. When I stated this, she then copycatted something else I said earlier, “stop bringing up the past!” I had said this earlier because she threw a fit that she usually has to wait 5-10 minutes for me to get ready to leave. Today I was ready but gravity was just not on my side and a glass bottle of toner broke and got all over my clothes. I had to clean up the mess. She refused to believe that anything broke, and when I showed her the evidence, she then switched to complaining about me not being ready immediately on days prior. I, of course, told her that I didn’t want to talk about the days prior because today I made an effort to be ready when she was. I feel like she’s trying to get revenge on me for diffusing arguments. I feel like it’s ridiculous especially when she has a history of doing and saying blatantly disrespectful things and then accusing me of misunderstanding or taking her too seriously. Is this relationship doomed? I feel like she doesn’t really like me and is just with me because she has a strong emotional attachment to me. She even said she wishes she could be done with me. If the tables were turned, I’d probably be in jail for this behavior. Edit: I forgot to mention that when I finally came out of the bathroom she accused me of cheating. Smh! Link to comment
1a1a Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 Does this person leave you feeling loved and supported? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 When there is violence it is time to walk, permanently. Link to comment
Honeycomb8 Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 You're insane for staying. Link to comment
Throwaway114 Posted August 6, 2019 Author Share Posted August 6, 2019 Does this person leave you feeling loved and supported? Loved? Yea I guess I feel like she loves me but do I feel supported? Financially, yea. She buys me food and alcohol when I don’t have money. But she never believes I can be successful at my job. Even when I have great successes, she insists that I’m somehow getting scammed. I’m a salesman. I sell high-price marketing services and she says I should just get a normal job. Even when I get $5,000 deposited into my account, she says I should get a normal job. I don’t understand why. And then when I go a while without making a sale, she’ll belittle me and say I’m making “ZERO DOLLARS” when we have an argument. I honestly don’t want to spend as much time with her as I have. I’d rather go hungry for a week while trying to make a sale in her absence rather than have her around trying to get me to believe I’m going to fail. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 Loved? Yea I guess I feel like she loves me but do I feel supported? Financially, yea. She buys me food and alcohol when I don’t have money. But she never believes I can be successful at my job. Even when I have great successes, she insists that I’m somehow getting scammed. I’m a salesman. I sell high-price marketing services and she says I should just get a normal job. Even when I get $5,000 deposited into my account, she says I should get a normal job. I don’t understand why. And then when I go a while without making a sale, she’ll belittle me and say I’m making “ZERO DOLLARS” when we have an argument. I honestly don’t want to spend as much time with her as I have. I’d rather go hungry for a week while trying to make a sale in her absence rather than have her around trying to get me to believe I’m going to fail. And yet you want to stay for more of this treatment? Is it because you "LOVE her!!!!!"? Link to comment
DancingFool Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 Man or woman, the moment they raise their hand against you, you kick them out of your life with extreme prejudice. From all you've written, sounds like she is mentally and emotionally abusive as well. Run, just run. This is not love, not a relationship, it's a nightmare. Link to comment
Throwaway114 Posted August 6, 2019 Author Share Posted August 6, 2019 When there is violence it is time to walk, permanently. Hitting is never love. Man or woman, the moment they raise their hand against you, you kick them out of your life with extreme prejudice. From all you've written, sounds like she is mentally and emotionally abusive as well. Run, just run. This is not love, not a relationship, it's a nightmare. What I don’t understand is when she hits me in public, no one cares. I’ll try to avoid her or stand with a barrier between us and she yells “STOP PRETENDING YOU’RE SO AFRAID OF ME! REMEMBER THAT TIME YOU RAISED YOUR HAND LIKE YOU WERE GONNA HIT ME?!” Like she’s trying to make me seem like a woman beater in front of all of these people. Did I ever raise my hand like I was going to hit her? Yes, but I was playing around. I admit I didn’t have a smile on my face but I just feinted a backhand slap at her. I didn’t say anything behind it, I wasn’t rude, didn’t swear/cuss. I just made the gesture and went about my business. What’s worse is I’m visiting her in her own country (Scandanavia) and I’m one of the only men in this city of African descent and I have bleached hair. Although I have no tattoos and buy all of my clothes at Express and Banana Republic, I just happen to dress like a rapper. So it’s completely within the realm of possibility that people would think I’m an abuser. To be honest, I feel this is the worst part. There have been times that I’ve been trying to get her to cheer up while she’s being pouty and some random man or security will come up and ask her (in their language) if everything is ok. Like they’re assuming I’m harassing her or something. She even has commented on this. So I feel she’s trying to signal to everyone that I’m an abusive black man who’s pretending to be the good guy because we’re in public, so everyone should just be on her side and watch her abuse me. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 It doesn’t matter why she is nuts just walk away and build YOUR support network. Link to comment
Camber 2019 Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 Sounds like a lot of passive aggressive behavior on both sides, with the excuse of "I was joking"... Relationship sounds doomed from the start. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 Is this relationship doomed? Geeeze. Certainly you know that it is so why are you wasting good dating opportunities by staying with her. She's got mental issues and I hate to say it but we tend to be attracted to people that are slightly above or below our own level of mental health so what's that saying about you, *Throwawy*? Get away from her and if you can't get the strength or love of self to do that then get yourself in to therapy today to help you with your own issues. There it is, straight up tuff love. Link to comment
Throwaway114 Posted August 6, 2019 Author Share Posted August 6, 2019 Also, one time she was laying on my phone and it vibrated. She grabbed it and held it in her arm opposite from me, extending it away from me and looked at me to see if I was going to take it. She pressed the home button to see who it was and a girl had sent me a message on Snapchat. The girl’s Snapchat name had a heart emoji in it so somehow I was cheating on her with this girl just because of that and she went ballistic. She demanded entry into my Snapchat account to prove that I wasn’t cheating on her. But I’ve seen guys send her snaps and I don’t care or get suspicious at all. I don’t understand why I’m somehow labeled a potential cheater. Like, I didn’t tell the girl to put a heart emoji in her Snapchat name, wth. I think she’s wrong for looking at who’s sending me messages and trying to go through my phone and spy on me. It disgusts me. Link to comment
Throwaway114 Posted August 6, 2019 Author Share Posted August 6, 2019 Sounds like a lot of passive aggressive behavior on both sides, with the excuse of "I was joking"... Relationship sounds doomed from the start. This is actually how I joke around. My friends and brother are the same way. We tease. We bust each other’s balls. There’s no underlying motive Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 I repeat: Is this relationship doomed? Geeeze. Certainly you know that it is so why are you wasting good dating opportunities by staying with her. She's got mental issues and I hate to say it but we tend to be attracted to people that are slightly above or below our own level of mental health so what's that saying about you, *Throwawy*? Get away from her and if you can't get the strength or love of self to do that then get yourself in to therapy today to help you with your own issues. There it is, straight up tuff love. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 So why again do you want to stay in this relationship? Let me guess again...beside you LOVE her, the sex is phenomenal. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 Ya... nothing like a good slap and a full on degrading in public prior to the big O! (sarcasm) Link to comment
Camber 2019 Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 This is actually how I joke around. My friends and brother are the same way. We tease. We bust each other’s balls. There’s no underlying motive Hmmmm, maybe, as she likes to copy you, she got the "I was only joking" line from you! Might be she doesn't like that line! Link to comment
Camber 2019 Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 Ya... nothing like a good slap and a full on degrading in public prior to the big O! (sarcasm) Well... the slap might be fun! Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 Well... the slap might be fun! ... depends on where it lands I suppose along with the intent behind it :) Link to comment
Camber 2019 Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 ... depends on where it lands I suppose along with the intent behind it :) My kind of woman! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 Also, one time she was laying on my phone and it vibrated. She grabbed it and held it in her arm opposite from me, extending it away from me and looked at me to see if I was going to take it. She pressed the home button to see who it was and a girl had sent me a message on Snapchat. The girl’s Snapchat name had a heart emoji in it so somehow I was cheating on her with this girl just because of that and she went ballistic. She demanded entry into my Snapchat account to prove that I wasn’t cheating on her. But I’ve seen guys send her snaps and I don’t care or get suspicious at all. I don’t understand why I’m somehow labeled a potential cheater. Like, I didn’t tell the girl to put a heart emoji in her Snapchat name, wth. I think she’s wrong for looking at who’s sending me messages and trying to go through my phone and spy on me. It disgusts me. Then why are you with her? Link to comment
Throwaway114 Posted August 6, 2019 Author Share Posted August 6, 2019 So why again do you want to stay in this relationship? Let me guess again...beside you LOVE her, the sex is phenomenal. Nope. She has to rub herself to orgasm during sex and it bores me. Also, when I flex myself when inside her, she doesn’t seem to notice. I’ve never experienced this and quite frankly it is boring. Also her attitude makes me not want to have sex with her a lot of the time. And who said I love her? I’m not certain that I do anymore. She rarely gives anything I like a chance and claims we don’t have to like any of the same things. I’ve shown her movies and tv shows and she was so interested and laughed her ass off, but then later says it wasn’t good or wasn’t funny... I think she does it because I think The Conjuring was terrible and a ripoff of 5 other not-so-good “horror” movies. How can I love her when I can’t even do anything with her? I can barely talk to her about anything outside of what she’s interested in. It’s so weird. If you claim to love someone, how can you not be interested in learning about their favorite things. I admit I’m not into her stuff (Beyoncé and mainstream American cinema) but I do watch these things with her and sometimes I enjoy it. I enjoyed Lion King and I enjoyed Crawl. But let me try to put on a movie by a David Cronenberg and she’ll beg me not to because “old movies look so fake and stupid.” More than anything I want this girl to see she’s being unfair, but I don’t think it’s possible. Link to comment
Throwaway114 Posted August 6, 2019 Author Share Posted August 6, 2019 Then why are you with her? Cuz she cries and makes me feel bad. Then she promises everything will be better but it never gets better. I don’t think she’s being manipulative though. I think she truly does not understand what she’s doing. She’s not a genius at all. Link to comment
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