Is he looking only for sex

Hello All, I have a problem with a guy and I need your point of view. I met a guy online (tinder) we've been seeing each other for 1.5 month. In his bio he said he does not look for ONS/FWB, and when we started to talk I asked him and he said he's looking for relationship. He texts me every day, we go on dates. After 4 dates we shared passionate kiss. After that we met 2 times more. However, I know he's still using Tinder, I feel like he's not trying to get to know me on deeper level, he forgets things I told him, after this 4th date (kiss) he statted to do sweet talking ("I was thinking about you the whole night", using let names, etc.) he became touchy feely, flirty. I told him this relationship is too superficial and I need something more meaningful. He asked me if we can try to work it out. We've had more deep conversation - he said he had 2 long term relaitonships and now he would like to have a family. For me it seems he is just looking for something casual. What do you think?

Go with your gut instinct, if you can tell that he and you aren't close and that he is trying to get intimate with you based on nothing, then it's pretty straightforward where his head is at.

You've described it pretty well. He's not interested in getting to know you as much as he says, he's forgetting things.

He sounds like a player to be honest. You're also probably not the only one he's seeing.

I wasn't sure since for the first few meetings he would not even touch me, never invited me to his place, offered help with things when I needed it, was not making sexual references. However, you are right it looks likr he's a player.

Instead of deeming him a player, why not just deem him a guy you've gone on six dates with and aren't feeling? I mean, it doesn't sound like he's being aggressive or just trying to take you pants off, more like he's just not doing it for you, stirring the deep waters. He forgets what you tell him, talks in cliches—yawn.

Maybe that's the relationship he wants with his future wife. Doesn't mean you have to be that, and doesn't mean he's a scam artist just because you're not feeling him. Cut the cord so you can find someone who excites you more—no need to blame it on the dude or make assumptions about him. From what you describe, it just sounds like you're not into him.

1.) Still on Tinder

2.) Isn't interested in remembering things she told him.

3.) Sweet talks with no basis for it since he's barely made efforts to get to know her.

You could be right, Blue, he's just a thoughtless, boring guy. But he could also be a player who is dating more than one woman and can't keep the stories straight.

He might be looking for a serious relationship but not with you. Or he might be playing you by sweet talking you the things he knows you want to hear. Go by his actions and not by his words alone.

He might be looking for a serious relationship but not with you. Or he might be playing you by sweet talking you the things he knows you want to hear. Go by his actions and not by his words alone.

Maybe he just wants to keep me on a backburner. His actiins, well he texts me every day, ask me out on dates, offered me help, asks about my day etc.plus negative ones I mentioned

You're being too paranoid.

I understand. I agree that it’s unsettling when someone starts being affectionate and saying stuff like «I’ve been thinking of you all night» when they can’t even remember things you’ve said. It makes you wonder what exactly they were thinking about... lol!

He could genuinely think of himself as a «relationship» kind of guy, he’s just dating too many people to get his stories straight. Or maybe he’s not ready. Or maybe he’s just telling you what he thinks you want to hear.

... but yes. Unless he took your chat as a wake-up call and suddenly turned things around, I would chalk this one up as «incompatible».

He texts you every day and didn’t kiss you until the fourth date but you think he just wants sex? You ALREADY are being pessimistic about him being touchy-feely?

What sort of things did he forget that you told him?

To be honest I think you should set him free.

Well, what do you want? Do you have it? Can you ask or just do what is right for you and see what happens.?

Unless there's other issues that you've omitted, then it doesn't sound to me like he's really done anything that bad!

Still using Tinder after 1.5 months with no exclusivity talk - normal in this day and age particularly if he senses (correctly based on your post) that you're having doubts about him.

Getting a bit touchy / feely after 4 dates - that (and usually more) has happened in all my past relationships by the 4th date.

The forgetting stuff is the only thing that I would really say 'that's a bit off'. It kind of depends what it is, whether it's big / important stuff or just little details.

It sounds like after 6 weeks you still haven't had the exclusive talk. This is up to you to bring up when things get physical. People are free to meet and date others until that agreement takes place. Next time, keep in mind 6 dates is not a relationship. Dating is the time to get to know someone and if they're not your type, then you stop seeing them and move on.

-we've been seeing each other for 1.5 month.

-I know he's still using Tinder

-I told him this relationship is too superficial and I need something more meaningful.

He might be looking for a serious relationship but not with you. Or he might be playing you by sweet talking you the things he knows you want to hear. Go by his actions and not by his words alone.

It sounds like after 6 weeks you still haven't had the exclusive talk. This is up to you to bring up when things get physical. People are free to meet and date others until that agreement takes place. Next time, keep in mind 6 dates is not a relationship. Dating is the time to get to know someone and if they're not your type, then you stop seeing them and move on.

I didn't use word 'relationship' in our conversation and I know we are not a couple.

On our second date he did't remember what we were doing on first. This weekend he did't renember where I go for a trip. I don't understand why he asked me to give it a try though..

Unfortunately it sounds like he's not that interested. Just put him on the back burner and date others.

On our second date he did't remember what we were doing on first. This weekend he did't renember where I go for a trip.

Obviously he annoys you with his scattered brain. You are not enjoying his company, therefore, no matter how cute he is, it's probably time to call it quits. It's like the Goldilocks and the 3 bears story. She tried everything out before deciding which one worked for her. This bed is too hard. This bed is too soft. This one is just right. LOL

He might be looking for a serious relationship but not with you. Or he might be playing you by sweet talking you the things he knows you want to hear. Go by his actions and not by his words alone.

It sounds like after 6 weeks you still haven't had the exclusive talk. This is up to you to bring up when things get physical. People are free to meet and date others until that agreement takes place. Next time, keep in mind 6 dates is not a relationship. Dating is the time to get to know someone and if they're not your type, then you stop seeing them and move on.

Unfortunately it sounds like he's not that interested. Just put him on the back burner and date others.

I am dating others as we are not exclusive

1.) Still on Tinder

 

2.) Isn't interested in remembering things she told him.

 

3.) Sweet talks with no basis for it since he's barely made efforts to get to know her.

 

You could be right, Blue, he's just a thoughtless, boring guy. But he could also be a player who is dating more than one woman and can't keep the stories straight.

All I'm saying is that it's kind of presumptuous to even assume someone is "only interested in sex" when (a) you haven't had sex with that someone and (b) that someone has not even tried to have sex with you.

He's on Tinder (but so is she). He might be dating others (as is she). They've known each other 1.5 months. This is just dating, not getting played.

If she's not into him, or feeling an icky vibe—she can bow out. If she wants to keep exploring, she can. She can also—gulp—talk to him. He knows his intentions better than us, and even if he offers up something vague and syrupy—well, most people can read that for what it is.

I think there is a lot more power when the main question you're asking is how you feel about someone rather than how they feel about you, especially in these early stages.

Well, if there is so much indecision after 1.5 months, I'd say it's probably not a match.

I am done with this guy, he went on vacations and wrote me how he want to take me there one day and just after that was using tinder (distance updated). However, thanks a lot for your help :)

I can't help but be curious: Why is his being on Tinder a knock, but it's okay for you to still be on Tinder? Why are you allowed to both take him seriously as a potential relationship partner while dating others, but even the assumption that he may be dating others is reason to write him off?

He might be looking for a serious relationship but not with you. Or he might be playing you by sweet talking you the things he knows you want to hear. Go by his actions and not by his words alone.

It sounds like after 6 weeks you still haven't had the exclusive talk. This is up to you to bring up when things get physical. People are free to meet and date others until that agreement takes place. Next time, keep in mind 6 dates is not a relationship. Dating is the time to get to know someone and if they're not your type, then you stop seeing them and move on.

I can't help but be curious: Why is his being on Tinder a knock, but it's okay for you to still be on Tinder? Why are you allowed to both take him seriously as a potential relationship partner while dating others, but even the assumption that he may be dating others is reason to write him off?

I am not telling him how much I miss him, making plans for holidays in September or call him honey and just after that chat with other guys on Tinder. As long as I date others I am more reserved with what I say/promise.

Fair enough. Sounds like he's just not your type, that you're not connecting as you'd like.

In the future I would really suggest not using a dating app—someone's location, whether they're still "on it"—as a stand-in for face to face communication. Just about everyone I know—myself included, when I was dating—uses those apps almost as mindlessly as social media apps than using them with much intention. Heck, a lot of people swipe around just to keep their nerves in check when they're jittery and unsure of someone they're interested in.

The small irony of these sorts of threads is that it's just as easy for me to imagine him writing the same exact thing about you: met a cool woman whom he likes, but who is a bit reserved and hard to read and still very active still on Tinder. Should he continue to engage, he'd ask, or cut bait because she's clearly not very interested or serious about him?

I am not telling him how much I miss him, making plans for holidays in September or call him honey and just after that chat with other guys on Tinder. As long as I date others I am more reserved with what I say/promise.

Gone are the days that people pull their profile when they meet someone they are interested in. If you are passively waiting for a sign then the moment may slip right by.

Seeing you are mentioning that he's still logging on, I can only assume this is a sticking point for you. Yet you are logging on too (scratching my head)

It's hard to tell if you even like this guy but if either of you want to take this to another level simply tell him you don't get involved with people who are still dating and looking to meet others. Though it's perfectly fine if either of you are, you simply are not looking for casual sex. By stating your standards you aren't asking him for anything. You are merely telling him something about you and your values.

See what his response is

It sounds like an unfortunate and unfulfilling connection. You're wasting your time immensely. Please cut it off and spend your time elsewhere. This person is clearly not doing it for you and the longer you hang around him, the more unimpressed you may become. It's unfair to the both of you. By unfortunate and unfulfilling, I'm referring to his seeking physical intimacy while failing to up the intellectual connection = lack of interest and confusion on your part.