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Thread: My girlfriend (24F) is bored when we hangout

  1. #1

    My girlfriend (24F) is bored when we hangout

    My girlfriend (24 F) and I (23 F) have been in a long-distance relationship (ldr) for 3 years. We met each other on a dating website and after talking as friends for a couple of months we tried to make things work over the long distance (Canada to USA, no time difference; now Canada to Canada, 1h time difference). We’ve had our issues in the past, but we’ve always managed to work through them. Very rarely do we fight. Early on we realized that communication was really important especially being in a ldr so if anything comes up, we try to talk about it right away. We love each other deeply and have grown so much together. We’ve been each other’s rock through so many ups and downs over the years. She’s my best friend and I love her.

    So, these last few of months have been increasingly very difficult for us. For some reason she’s lost the desire to hang out with me or talk on discord. It feels like we’ve lost the ability to talk about things for hours on end or just play videogames with each other and be happy in each other’s company—she now feels bored. She has emphasized that she doesn’t think I am boring, but our conversations can be boring… And if you can’t talk in a ldr what else can you do? And we’ve both been bored while hanging out before, but this is different somehow.

    I’m in grad school and she’s working and going to school so there isn’t much going on in our lives. So, most of the conversation have been, “how was your day? What did you do? What are you eating” and very basic things like that but all of our answers are always the same. We’ve talked about her boredom extensively but have never found a solution to our problem. She even went back on her medication to see if that would help her feelings towards me and our time together (her decision, not mine… I still feel awful about it) but that didn’t change anything. A couple of months ago we even took a week break of no communication to think about our relationship and what we want out of it. Inevitably we got back together but things were the same.

    I recently when to go visit her for two weeks and our time together was amazing. It felt like my love for her and her love for me really strengthened and it reinforced all the reasons why we love each other. She wasn’t bored with our conversation or our time together. We were happy. But now that we’re apart again all of those bad feelings and boredom have come back. Earlier this week she said she wanted to limit the amount of time we discord from almost every day to every three days and maybe things would be better that way.

    Do you guys have any advice on what should we do and how we should proceed? We both want to try to make things work but don’t know how to do that. We can’t bridge the distance for at least another couple of years because of school commitments.

    tl;dr: My long distance girlfriend is bored with our hang out sessions and she now struggles with spending time with me. Can we fix our relationship?

  2. #2
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    Move closer. See each other more. Talk less online/ phone.

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    I think it's actually understandable that things are getting boring because you don't do any activities together in person. I agree with the advice above that if you really can't move to each other, you need to at least see each other in person as often as possible. You said things are good in person, so it seems like connecting in that way is really good for your relationship. Other than that you might actually have to start coming up with some more creative ways to "spice up" your relationship. I don't mean sexually necessarily, though that can be included of course.

    Do you see each other on camera when you talk? I think it's really important to at least see each other's face. You could try sharing things like watching the same movies at the same time and then discussing them? Sharing music with each other? Do you send each other letters and gifts in the mail?

    Also you might each have to make your own life more interesting. Like get more hobbies and interests and get out more. You could film some fun stuff you're doing to show your girlfriend, e.g. walking in beautiful nature, playing mini golf, could be anything. You also probably need more conversation topics so doing more fun things (even without her) could help.

    Maybe using video and picture apps like Snapchat is better than just typing text?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Realistically LDR's rarely endure. I'm sure there are happy stories out there, however LDRs generally dissolve eventually which can't be helped due to obvious reasons such as distance, inconvenience, time-consuming, expensive travel costs and hassle.

    Boredom sets in because absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. To the contrary, too much absence causes boredom and two people drift apart.

    I don't know how you can make your relationship exciting because when you're apart life isn't that exciting. Accept and remain patient if you want your LDR to last.

    Also, learn how to become independent of each other given that you two live so far apart and then when you correspond again, you'll have more to discuss. Live your own lives, surround yourself with good friends, get busy with activities, exercise, hobbies, outings, excursions or whatever. Then when you have a phone conversation, you have news to share.

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  6. #5
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    While you’re apart, do fun, exciting things with other friends and post them on Snapchat. That should draw some interest.

    I say this because it sounds like you need a life outside of your relationship. You’ve become dependent on this person for entertainment.

    Don’t have friends and can’t make any? Fine go out alone. Go to museums, feed ducks at the park, go horseback riding, pick up some new skill or hobby.

    If u don’t have Snapchat, just post the photos anywhere she would see them. Surely, this will be something new she’d like to talk to you about.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How often do you see each other? Unfortunately LDRs are difficult, particularly when you always have and will continue to live apart and therefor have very little in common.
    Originally Posted by relaadvicepl
    My long distance girlfriend is bored with our hang out sessions and she now struggles with spending time with me.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by relaadvicepl
    She even went back on her medication to see if that would help her feelings towards me and our time together ?
    - That's the biggest red flag I see. Some people with mental issues are tough to have a relationship with.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    You have separate lives and separate experiences. Trying to add some depth and intimacy to a mostly electronic relationship is bound to get stale.
    It just comes with the territory.

    Imagine if you two saw each other all the time and lived close by. The honeymoon wears off naturally and you make a concerted effort to keep things fresh and interesting. Even at best it isn't always easy.

    I don't know how you do that on facetime or over the phone.
    I think it's to be expected in ldr's

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    - That's the biggest red flag I see. Some people with mental issues are tough to have a relationship with.
    No kidding! Had I known this, I would've saved myself a lot of grief years ago! Better late than never!


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