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Thread: Low Confidence, only with him

  1. #1
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    Low Confidence, only with him

    Long story short, i love my husband and i am happy with how i look. I workout, take care of myself and so does my husband. When im not with him i know other men notice me and i feel great about myself (whether men notice me or not i dont care) however when im with my husband i find myself worrying over him noticing other women.

    He's an observant guy in general, so he notices everything whether it be men or women, but if i catch him seeing an attractive woman it makes me feel less...and i know i need to work on my confidence but i don't know how. Its like my confidence only goes away when im with him in the presence of other women.

    How can i learn to love myself enough, so even when other women are around im not bothered by a glance here and there

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    I'm sorry to hear you're having issues with your confidence, and also most likely your relationship. I have experienced the same thing in a long term relationship, and noticed the feeling especially when we weren't having sex for long periods of time. I'm curious as to how active and satisfying this aspect of your relationship is. I don't think it's inappropriate or self-serving to crave physical validation, especially from the person who should be giving you the most. I wish I had more detailed advice for you, but I think the best thing I can tell you to do is to communicate clearly and calmly how you feel. Don't do it at a time when it is actively bothering you, for example at a time when you think he may be looking at another woman, but have a quiet conversation at home. I'm curious as to if and how you validate him physically. Do you compliment him and admire him physically but he doesn't reciprocate?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Have a talk with your husband about this. Tell him it hurts your feelings that he has a roving eye. Tell him that his wife would appreciate it if he were to guard his eyes whether he's with you or not. It's a form of respect, behaving with integrity and giving you dignity whether in your presence or not. Ask him to behave like a gentlemen whether he's with you or whenever your back is turned. Also, tell him you are the same regarding him and treat him with the same common courtesy and common decency.

    If this issue will not go away, then you'll have to learn to ignore your husband's roving eye. It will always bother you and if you can't do anything about this problem, if he refuses to exercise self-control, you're hosed. I'm sorry.

    Some men are 'package deals' and you have to take the good with the bad.

    My sister is married to a jerk, however, he earns a very high income and "money talks." She tolerates her husband's wayward ways because he is her bread 'n butter and provides quite an affluent lifestyle for her and their 3 children. My sister bites her tongue and looks the other way. Some marriages are like that, unfortunately. She boasts and blasts away on social media regarding her daily minutiae yet know one except my mother and siblings know her deep, dark embarrassing, shameful, humiliating secret regarding her husband's despicable, cruel character.

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    People notice attractive ppl, it's normal. If he's staring a lot and ignoring you, then that's an issue.

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    First, I'm really sorry you're struggling with this, it's definitely a confusing and emotionally draining issue. I'd like to better understand what you're saying, can you clarify: is your husband definitely checking out other women, or is it just that you're constantly worried he is/will?

    Either way, I don't think the problem is you needing to love yourself more, in fact it sounds like you have a healthy self-confidence in yourself and your physical appearance. I think you really need to look within your marriage for why you're worrying so much about this. Have you talked to your husband about this at all?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Hoe long have you been married? Was he like this before? Is it obvious/rude or just people watching? Only therapy can help you explore self confidence and his lack of attention.
    Originally Posted by StillHopeful88
    -i love my husband and i am happy with how i look.
    -when im with my husband i find myself worrying over him noticing other women.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Let this statement sink into your head: Sane people with integrity who are in love are naturally monogamous.

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    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Typo: No one, not know one.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by StillHopeful88
    Long story short, i love my husband and i am happy with how i look. I workout, take care of myself and so does my husband. When im not with him i know other men notice me and i feel great about myself (whether men notice me or not i dont care) however when im with my husband i find myself worrying over him noticing other women.

    He's an observant guy in general, so he notices everything whether it be men or women, but if i catch him seeing an attractive woman it makes me feel less...and i know i need to work on my confidence but i don't know how. Its like my confidence only goes away when im with him in the presence of other women.

    How can i learn to love myself enough, so even when other women are around im not bothered by a glance here and there
    I'm not sure you have a problem. It's natural to feel a slight ping of jealousy when your partner checks someone else out. I think we are hardwired to check out the field, and we are hardwired not to like it when our partner does it front of us.

    As long as it's not an issue that leads to fights and histrionics. Just give him a good elbow to the ribs. He'll get the message.


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