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Thread: IN GENERAL: Is it childish and pathetic to reject friendship with ex?

  1. #1
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    IN GENERAL: Is it childish and pathetic to reject friendship with ex?

    I've posted about my mentally abusive ex on here before. I've been thinking about the situation in general:

    Although we had a horrible relationship, we had a strong friendship. He recently attempted to make contact and I left him on read and I plan on leaving it that way.

    HOWEVER,

    I keep feeling pathetic. it feels like I'm saying "well since you don't want to be with me, you don't get me in your life" and it makes me feel manipulative and pushy.

    However, although I'm over him I find the entire relationship unsettling and somewhat triggering and I'm not interested in being friends and although I dont want him romantically, I'm also not interested in sitting around watching him live his life and I don't feel like he deserves my friendship or access to my life?

    I don't want to kiss my own ass but I have a lot of love in my heart and I'm a good friend. When I care about people, I cheer them on and I'm there.

    When he broke up with me/during our relationship he was cruel and I can only describe it as someone trying to beat the kindness out of me. He was miserable with his own life and did things to spite me/prove to himself he was undeserving of love by mentally tormenting me for giving it to him.

    It took me months to find that kindness again, I didnt want anything to do with another human being ever.

    Now he's back and I feel like he's trying to make amends and get a part of me he tried to destroy and I want nothing to do with it.

    Is this petty?

  2. #2
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    I feel guilty for leaving someone without anyone there but I dont know where to draw the line.

    How do I kill that part of me that wants to fix people at my own expense?

  3. #3
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    Do you share children?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    This has nothing to do with you being manipulative and everything to do with protecting your heart. You have every right to do that.

    This was not a typical relationship, it was abusive. You don't owe him anything and don't make yourself feel bad for thinking you do.
    Your number one priority is to heal and move on and if you need to stay away from him in order to do that, then don't make any excuses.

    Being as he sounds like they type of person how could possible manipulate in order to get back into your life and your good graces to see if he can reel you back...it makes sense for you to not trust it.

    You've been down that road, you got very hurt, you've healed, there is no need to backtrack now in order to try to please someone.
    You are taking care of yourself....that's a good thing.
    Don't feel bad about it and don't go back to what hurt you in the first place.

    It's done, move forward without being pulled back in.

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  6. #5
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    You're not over him over or you would not be posting.

    If he was emotionally abusive, you should not be his friend, as we have advised you in your other thread. You will show yourself some respect when you cut this off! Enough!

    I still do not understand why you have not blocked him? Why do you continue to do this to yourself? Have you sought therapy.

    BLOCK HIM!

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by rchubn
    I feel guilty for leaving someone without anyone there but I dont know where to draw the line.

    How do I kill that part of me that wants to fix people at my own expense?
    Look into to codependency and get some help for it.

    What was wrong with our advice in the last thread?
    Last edited by Hollyj; 08-05-2019 at 08:31 PM.

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    I am not in touch with my two exes. I don't know where they are or what they are up to. I have no obligation. I don't care. There are other friendships to have

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    You're not over him over or you would not be posting.

    If he was emotionally abusive, you should not be his friend, as we have advised you in your other thread. You will show yourself some respect when you cut this off! Enough!

    I still do not understand why you have not blocked him? Why do you continue to do this to yourself? Have you sought therapy.

    BLOCK HIM!
    I'm over him but I crave that "realizion" I want him to realize what he's lost and I want him to feel that loss and I want to feel powerful after he made me feel small.

    I feel like I let him watch me break and I want to show that I'm still standing if that makes sense.

    I was humiliated. He made me feel small. He watched me in pain and didn't offer a hand. He criticized my intelligence. My weight. He shared personal information about my mental health with his friends. I was thrown out of cars. I was yelled at. I was gaslighted. I was isolated from friends and family. And after all of that I left the situation defeated and felt like I didn't matter.

    I just want his last encounter with me to be me standing tall and untouched. I crave that before moving on and I crave it for personal reasons...

    If that makes sense

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Look into to codependency and get some help for it.

    What was wrong with our advice in the last thread?
    I appreciate the advice in the last thread. I probably worded this weird but I just wanted a general poll and I was curious if anyone else struggled with this and how they shot it down. I plan on seeing a therapist but I won't always have a therapist around and I have sudden bursts of guilt sometimes and I want to know if that's normal or not

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    You're not over him over or you would not be posting.

    If he was emotionally abusive, you should not be his friend, as we have advised you in your other thread. You will show yourself some respect when you cut this off! Enough!

    I still do not understand why you have not blocked him? Why do you continue to do this to yourself? Have you sought therapy.

    BLOCK HIM!
    I appreciate the response and I apologize if I'm coming off as annoying.

    If I'm being honest I'm scared for my safety. I'm dealing with someone that hasn't physically abused me so I can't report him but this is someone who has used me to get himself out of his own situations and sees me as some kind of resolution for his issues. Hence why he keeps contacting me, the contact always leads to him being angry and leaving me alone for a month, then he decides hes not angry anymore and contacts me but I'm scared if I pull that plug completely I'll start being approached in a different manner and this will start being angry contact.

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