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Thread: I argued with 3 friends but then we made up.

  1. #1
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    I argued with 3 friends but then we made up.

    The thing is 2 months ago (on my birthday) I had an argument with 3 of my friends and ended up our friendship for 2 months until now. 1 week ago they reached out to me and asked me to make up and I agreed. We gathered to talk,solve things and be friends again. But I feel like something is missing,despite being friends again,I feel like nothing is like before,I guess it is a matter of time but I feel they no longer care about me as much as they did before. They don't even start a random conversation or send memes to our whatsapp group. I feel they barely talk to me or when I try to talk to them they answer monosyllabic or as if they were doing more important things than talking to me. This is making me sad.. what shouls I do?

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    It might not ever be completely the same again. Breaking a friendship, breaking up with someone, threatening divorce - those things are like breaking a vase... you can glue them back together but they will never completely be the same again.

    All you can do is continue to reach out, try to act normal and give it time. It has only been a week. People can forgive but it takes longer to forget. See if there is progress. In another few weeks if there is no progress at all, you might have to just accept that itís over.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why did you argue with them? Do they go to your school? Be friendly and polite but try to make more friends.
    Originally Posted by Butterfly44o
    I had an argument with 3 of my friends and ended up our friendship for 2 months until now.They don't even start a random conversation or send memes to our whatsapp group.

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    We are in collegue,we argued the same day of my birthday party for a completely misunderatanding. I just gathered this 3 girls and my other group of friend and they didn't get along and according to them my other friends gave them "dirty glances" and stuff like that. But I think it was all about jealousy and immaturity. Since we are all 22/23 years old,I think they acted like 13-year-old girls but that's all in the past now because I accepted to forgive them and so did they... but I still feel like nothing is the same and I think I may have to give it time as one user said above. Thanks for replying!

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    Originally Posted by RedDress
    It might not ever be completely the same again. Breaking a friendship, breaking up with someone, threatening divorce - those things are like breaking a vase... you can glue them back together but they will never completely be the same again.

    All you can do is continue to reach out, try to act normal and give it time. It has only been a week. People can forgive but it takes longer to forget. See if there is progress. In another few weeks if there is no progress at all, you might have to just accept that itís over.
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Why did you argue with them? Do they go to your school? Be friendly and polite but try to make more friends.
    We are in collegue,we argued the same day of my birthday party for a completely misunderatanding. I just gathered this 3 girls and my other group of friend and they didn't get along and according to them my other friends gave them "dirty glances" and stuff like that. But I think it was all about jealousy and immaturity. Since we are all 22/23 years old,I think they acted like 13-year-old girls but that's all in the past now because I accepted to forgive them and so did they... but I still feel like nothing is the same and I think I may have to give it time as one user said above. Thanks for replying

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    Make some more friends.

    BTW, it is likely that in 5 year you may only be in contact with 1 or 2 college friends. After 10 years? Maybe none.

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    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    They were at fault for ruining your birthday. Good friends don't cause drama like this. You will find that over time, friendships often evolve. Sometimes people grow closer. Sometimes people grow apart and spend less time together. Sometimes friendships totally end. It's all a normal part of life. Put in equal effort. If their effort is minimal, do the same and don't expect much. If over time, the effort isn't satisfactory to you, let the friendship fade to the back burner.

    Ever hear the phrase, "Your feet take you to where your heart is." ?? You will know when someone cares enough to be a part of your life. If not, let them go and put your emotional energy into those who deserve it and reciprocate. Take care.

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    They sound dramatic. Find some new friends.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Your post argument feelings are universal no matter who it is whether it's friends, family, relatives, in-laws, acquaintances, colleagues and all members of society!

    Your awkward feelings you are experiencing boils down to all parties feeling wary and jaded. Also, there's a level of built up distrust. Former innocence and naivete are no more. The friendship or relationship is awkward now.

    Whenever you realize what certain people are capable of during a moment of weakness in character, you don't quite trust them the same as the past. It's simply not there anymore despite trying to make amends after the fact. You can't look at the person or persons the same way anymore because there's still a part of you that feels bitter and resentful. We all hold grudges. People don't forget past transgressions. Sure, we all say we can move on, however, we're like elephants, we never forget wrongdoing.

    I know some people who can move on and pretend that everything is hunky dory or smooth sailing, however, I can't do it. Sure, I can remain barely civil, respectful and polite but my heart got up and left forever. It's all I'm willing to give of myself and even that's a stretch. My enthusiasm died.

    I give up on people very easily especially once they demonstrate their foibles to me. Many foibles are unforgivable to me such as hurting, insulting and disrespecting me with extremely rude behavior. Mind you, it's not a one time deal either. It's consistent and happens over and over and over and over again with no correction in sight. All I get is famous denials, gaslighting galore and WW3. Apologies? Ha! You must be dreaming. Nowadays, I equate certain very bad foibles with mental illness for which there is no cure. I knew I was done.

    If there's one thing I've learned in life is this: You can't change people. All YOU can do is shift gears. YOU have to readjust. I know you're sad with your friends post-argument. Don't expect to revert to how all of you were with cutesie memes and the like. Dynamics change due to bitterness, resentment and distrust. Since they're terse with you with their communication or correspondence, you remain polite yet blunt. This is what I do with certain people in my life. I'm all business. You can still remain civil, well-mannered yet keep it very brief! (I'm civil, blunt, polite yet frosty. It works and it keeps the peace.) Follow their lead. Lower your expectations of others and you won't feel hurt anymore.

    Transform your sadness into a reality check and wisdom gained. What you're experiencing is called: Human nature.

    Even though I have peaceful relationships with certain people in my life such as relatives, extended family members and in-laws, we've had our differences which went awry in the past. Nowadays, we all get along and while I'm a nice person, I deliberately keep some people at arm's length. I play it safe with them because I now know their true unsavory colors. I'm kind, polite yet keep them at a frosty distance. It's the best I can do and it keeps the peace while I enforce healthy boundaries with them. Change the way you think and it will make you feel tougher and stronger. Be smart.


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