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Thread: New bf is less endowed

  1. #1

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    New bf is less endowed

    Hello everyone.

    Appreciate any advice or encouragement anyone has in this department.

    I recently started seeing a new guy that I really like. I'm 29 and he's 28. This guy is sweet, affectionate, generous, loving, considerate, good looking, respectful, he's a total catch and we're really hitting it off. We've only been dating exclusively for 2 weeks, and we've had sex several times. He's always trying to please me, he goes down on me all the time and I really love his enthusiasm, but it isn't quite right yet. He also has a smaller than average penis. Its the smallest I've ever seen (I've seen about a dozen in my life). I really like this guy and I don't want to damage his ego. I usually can't come from normal p in v penetration anyways. It does feel good when we have sex. I want to make this work because we really like each other a lot. I'm ready to settle down and so is he. I'm just a little worried about having sex with the same for the rest of my life. I know I need to communicate with him more about what I like in regards to the oral sex, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. And I AM NOT going to tell him that I think he has a small penis because I know what that can do to a guys confidence.

    Thanks all~

  2. #2
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    Welcome to ENA. He can't help the size of his penis so I agree, there's no need to bring it up. It sounds like he is caring and enthusiastic and I think that counts for a lot. You just met him - I think you should go along and get to know him as the overall person. He sounds like a catch and if he is a great guy who wants to please you in bed, imho, I'd take a guy like that with a smaller package any day. Especially since you don't come from p in v anyway. Well... that's my 2 cents!

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    There is more to a relationship than sex. That is my 2 cents.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I echo the two cents (or four cents) above.

    Think of this time for what it is: the exploratory, observational period in which you swim into deeper waters together to assess if you two really work for the big swim. Communicate—with heads, hearts, and bodies—and see where the chips fall. If a month or so from now you're finding yourself still fretting about all this—well, I'd end it.

    Sex, in my opinion, is a pretty critical ingredient for a healthy romantic connection, and at the end of the day it's either there or it's not—much like emotional and intellectual connection. Make any of those things something you're "working on" from the start, or justifying as subpar from the start, and odds are the start will lead to an end sooner than you'd like.

    But because sex is such source of cultural shame, I think it's something we're kind of taught to feel "bad" about needing or prioritizing, or that we're more prone to make drastic compromises on, calling those compromises "mature" along with other areas where we won't compromise. To end a new relationship because you need someone who can talk books and philosophy all night—that's noble, understandable, applaudable. To end it because the person feels emotionally closed off—ditto. To end it because you're not able to get off and surrender to eye-rolling carnal bliss—that's often seen as shallow, almost adolescent.

    I know I would never want to be in a long-term, serious relationship with someone who felt that being with me meant accepting that they'd be less satisfied sexually than they'd have liked or hoped from a relationship, or that my partner, even in the early days, was kinda sorta wondering about future romps with men who were not me. Sure, maybe down the line, with time and with age, we're no longer the feral bunnies we once were, and it's the emotional and intellectual connection that keeps the boat afloat. But I wouldn't toss that out at the beginning—or want someone to—because I'm banking on blissful partnership come retirement.

    Communication in the bedroom is HOT. A little faster, a little slower; to the left, to the right; do this, do that—good, sweaty, ecstatic stuff comes from this. No one can change their bodies—so, yeah, making a man's penis the culprit is as cruel as a man mentioning a woman's weight, breast size, or general curvature. But letting a man know what excites you—be it foreign cinema or a certain movement of the tongue—is a pretty good way to gauge whether a man is good for you.

    He sounds like an awesome dude. It's okay if, ultimately, he's not awesome for you. Or you for him. Just make sure to explore all that, together, rather than assessing through snap judgments and assumptions.

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  6. #5

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    Thank you all! I'm going to see how it goes. I really like him.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    The smaller his penis, the closer to your clitoris he is going to get which will help you to achieve an orgasm once the two of you get comfortable enough to discuss (with love) how to get you off. Whatever you do, don't fake an orgasm while he's going down on you or he will think what he is currently doing is the way to get you there... so, give him direction while he's down there and help him to get it done.

    Ask any handyman... A large tool doesn't get the job done any better than a small one that is actually geared to the job at hand.

  8. #7
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    Good! But don’t do him any favors or settle if your priority is “well endowed”. You’re entitled to your priorities. He’s entitled to a woman who adores him and is attracted to him and if he’s a good person as you say they’ll be lining up if you end things because of his size. I tended to go for shorter men so I had a larger dating pool since a number of women passed up dating a shorter man because of an attraction issue (so they said ). Let him go if after being honest with yourself you realize that size is such s priority.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    This is the first time outside of movies that Ive seen a woman care about size, honestly, I've never seen it, especially considering you're like most women who don't come from the actual intercourse anyway. Im trying to get why this is being brought up...the issue is his skill with oral sex...right? I mean he could be packing and you still wouldnt cum...right?

    Sorry Im just confused why his size is being focused on...

    FWIW, in my sexual experience, the more endowed typically tried the least, they seemed to think bringing the 747 was enough, even though they didnt know how to land it.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I'm going to go against the grain here and give you different advice.

    Right now you're in the honeymoon phase. He seems perfect, you feel head over heels, it's all great.

    But it doesn't last.

    What's getting you through at the moment is lust, newness, excitement, but it will wear off.

    You need to be honest with yourself on if you're going to be okay with a smaller penis for the rest of your life.
    He's not going to change, there are things you can try but it's not going to be much different than it is now.

    The physical sensation won't be as strong, the excitement won't be as strong, and penetrative sex won't be as good. (I am being honest here).

    You need to ask yourself if it's going to be enough. A lot of women wouldn't think so, and that's okay. No need to lie to yourself and settle for sex that is not satisfying.

    But only you can decide that for sure.

  11. #10
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    I think when you find the right person having sex with the same person for the rest of your life seems less scary.

    Have you actually had sex with him? I wouldn't be quick to judge, you might find that he handles his own.

    In the scenario he you guys do get married and you run into a problem, there's all kind of "toy extensions" that assist with that kind of thing. If he's your husband he'll want to make sure you're satisfied too, he might not feel embarassed about using something like that because it'll be between you two/something that happens in your marital bed.

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