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Thread: Should I end things with my suicidal boyfriend? (aged 16)

  1. #1

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    Should I end things with my suicidal boyfriend? (aged 16)

    hi. i am 16 years old and i had been with my first boyfriend for 7 months up until yesterday when he ended it for my sake. today he has text me and asked to meet because he doesnít think it was the right thing to do and regrets it.

    he is severely depressed and is transgender; born female and identifies as male. he has not started his transition at all being only 16. so basically his problems are not going away any time soon, and no matter what hormones or anything he gets wonít change the fact he is unhappy in the body heís living in. for the last 7 months he has been using me as his therapist, and hasnít spoke to anyone else at all. my family have noticed the affect itís having on me hearing so often that someone i love wants to die theyíre so unhappy.

    he has told me that iím the only reason heís staying, the only thing that makes him happy and he doesnít know what heíd do without me. a week ago today, he overdosed. he talked me through it all, and didnít ring his parents or anything, he told me how much paracetamol it would take to kill him and proceeded to take 3 under that number. at this point i was out with my friends for a summer program iíd signed up to, and he was aware i was out but still talked me through it all. he told me not to ring anyone, so basically he was asking for me to be aware he was trying to kill himself and just let it happen.

    my mum has told me if i do get back together with him, she canít stop me but i donít have her blessing and she wonít take me to see him or let him in our house. i donít want to ruin my relationship with my mum.

    is it the right thing to do to end things now? despite the good times we did have and how much i love and care about him

  2. #2
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    My goodness. Heavy stuff for 16.

    Where are his parents in all of this? Are they supportive of his identity? Do you think they're aware just how depressed he is?

    I would talk to your parents about his latest suicide attempt, and ask for their help in contacting the appropriate people: his parents, emergency services, what not. You cannot and should not be expected to deal with this alone and play the role of therapist. I know you want the best for him, but this is something that requires the care and attention of experienced professionals.

    I would also ask for your parents' guidance in ending this relationship. It is extremely unhealthy and I would be very concerned that he will harm himself and blame you for it. This is also where I would let the adults in his life know you are worried about him and how he will react to a break-up. It is their responsibility to care for him.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    My goodness. Heavy stuff for 16.

    Where are his parents in all of this? Are they supportive of his identity? Do you think they're aware just how depressed he is?

    I would talk to your parents about his latest suicide attempt, and ask for their help in contacting the appropriate people: his parents, emergency services, what not. You cannot and should not be expected to deal with this alone and play the role of therapist. I know you want the best for him, but this is something that requires the care and attention of experienced professionals.

    I would also ask for your parents' guidance in ending this relationship. It is extremely unhealthy and I would be very concerned that he will harm himself and blame you for it. This is also where I would let the adults in his life know you are worried about him and how he will react to a break-up. It is their responsibility to care for him.
    Excellent advice. You need to talk to an adult about this. Can you talk to your school counselor?

  4. #4

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    thank you for the advice.
    i did go against his word and ring his sister at the time because i couldnít do nothing. they rang the police and he was kept in hospital over night and is now on the path to getting into therapy. they are supportive of his identity but according to him are dismissive of his mental health. however they do seem to have reacted appropriately to what happened and he has said heíll start talking to them.
    but that is a very possible idea and iíll speak to my mum about what she thinks

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  6. #5

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    itís currently summer holidays now but in a month i could, iím thinking about getting proper counselling too to avoid this ruining all future relationships for me.
    thank you for the suggestion

  7. #6
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    Listen to your mother. This is Way over your head. Stop being terrorized and manipulated like this. Acetaminophen poisoning is not "three pills short of an OD", thr liver damage overdoses cause is not that precise. He's BSing you.. Call EMS and never entertain someone like this on the phone.

    Cut off all contact and delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps. He needs a psychiatrist not a gf.
    Originally Posted by mha
    he is severely depressed and is transgender. a week ago today, he overdosed. he talked me through it all, and didnít ring his parents or anything, he told me how much paracetamol it would take to kill him and proceeded to take 3 under that number.

  8. #7
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    I agree with the others, you are not capable of solving his issues and in no way should romance be in the air.

    Time to step away from this person.

    At 16, the problems faced are far out of your wheelhouse.

    Do you feel guilty about it? Sure, but that's ok.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by mha
    itís currently summer holidays now but in a month i could, iím thinking about getting proper counselling too to avoid this ruining all future relationships for me.
    thank you for the suggestion
    Smart.

    I feel for what he is going through, but there is nothing you can do t help him. Your mom is right, you should stay clear. he needs a lot of professional help dealing with this.

    You sound very mature and wise for your age.

    You need to cut him from your life.


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