Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 22

Thread: Asking someone about their recreational drug use

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    64

    Asking someone about their recreational drug use

    I really hit things off with a woman recently. We have great chemistry, she is very attractive, and mostly seems to be compatible.

    However, she mentioned using recreational drugs a number of times, and has been quite open about it. She mentioned using weed based edibles frequently, which doesnít bother me at all. She also mentioned using some psychedelic type drugs on a single occasion, which I would personally never consider using at this point in my life. Unfortunately, she also mentioned her younger brother has passed away from an opioid over dose many years ago.

    I donít want to seem judgmental but Iíd like to know more about the frequency and types of drugs she uses as well as if she wants a partner who also does them. Weíve only been on a handful of dates but this topic has made me proceed with caution. She has been very open about things up to this point. Personally, Iím at a point where I want to settle down and donít want someone who is not mature in this regard. Iíve always been a party animal but Iím ready to give that up.

    Thoughts on bringing this up?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    2,012
    Gender
    Female
    The next time you two speak, Iíd just straight-up ask her what types of drugs she takes. It sounds like sheís pretty open about it anyway.

    You have every right to know, especially if this is a deal-breaker for you.

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    52
    Posts
    36,493
    Gender
    Female
    Just ask straight up.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    23,812
    Gender
    Female
    Honestly, when it comes to finding the person that will be the closest person to you in life, you need to speak up and not worry about what the other person thinks. Say 'you mentioned you took different drugs, do you do it very often?" If you are looking to 'settle down," someone that regularly partakes in recreational drugs is probably not for you if that is not your lifestyle. If you are wanting to not be a party animal any more, don't expect party animal women to want to settle down - my brother married a woman he would have never met when he was a party animal - she had been really studious, didn't party, but liked her thrills (roller coasters) and is a very interesting person in other ways because of what she was able to pursue because she wasn't on a bender.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    1,138
    Gender
    Female
    I wouldn't immediately write this person off as not being relationship material based on what you wrote, but everyone has their preferences and limitations when it comes to drug use. I would be direct about your thoughts and feelings without being judgmental. Most people appreciate honesty early on in the dating process. If drugs end up making you fundamentally incompatible, better to learn that before you actually get into a relationship.

  7. #6
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    823
    You're at the point of wanting to settle down and ready to give your your party animal days.

    Yes, most definitely bring this up! Get right to the point and ask her everything regarding her recreational drug use. By all means. You have every right to know especially if you want to move forward with this woman or if you decide that her lifestyle goes against your new healthy lifestyle.

    You need to be compatible on major fronts such as drug use or non-drug use.

    Get clear cut answers right away before you waste your time on a relationship that could fizzle or dissolve quickly.

  8. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    64
    Originally Posted by SGH
    I wouldn't immediately write this person off as not being relationship material based on what you wrote, but everyone has their preferences and limitations when it comes to drug use. I would be direct about your thoughts and feelings without being judgmental. Most people appreciate honesty early on in the dating process. If drugs end up making you fundamentally incompatible, better to learn that before you actually get into a relationship.
    I have a number of close friends who still smoke pot regularly and use other drugs on rare occasion. It doesnít affect our friendship at all and itís legal in our area. I still like to go out for drinks and even stay out late sometimes but Iím more focused on wanting marriage and children.

    I feel like asking about her habits will only give me an idea of how she views herself. I donít think occasional psychedelic drug use is necessarily a deal breaker, but regular use probably is.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    20,678
    She brought it up. Ask.

  10. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    64
    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Honestly, when it comes to finding the person that will be the closest person to you in life, you need to speak up and not worry about what the other person thinks. Say 'you mentioned you took different drugs, do you do it very often?" If you are looking to 'settle down," someone that regularly partakes in recreational drugs is probably not for you if that is not your lifestyle. If you are wanting to not be a party animal any more, don't expect party animal women to want to settle down - my brother married a woman he would have never met when he was a party animal - she had been really studious, didn't party, but liked her thrills (roller coasters) and is a very interesting person in other ways because of what she was able to pursue because she wasn't on a bender.
    We havenít discussed relationship goals yet. Do you think the 4-5 date is too early for that? I donít mean asking for a commitment but just asking what she is seeking in a love interest such as a casual, long-term, marriage, kids vs no kids?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    2,012
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by dmveep
    We havenít discussed relationship goals yet. Do you think the 4-5 date is too early for that? I donít mean asking for a commitment but just asking what she is seeking in a love interest such as a casual, long-term, marriage, kids vs no kids?
    You shouldnít hesitate to discuss what youíre each looking for, relationship-wise, from the beginning.

    Some people who connect online bring it up from the minute they connect with someone, and prior to meeting, so as not to waste anyoneís time.

    So no, itís not too soon to bring up relationship goals/intentions with her after 4/5 dates. You could have brought it up on your first meet/date (in fact, Iíd encourage people to do this if they know what theyíre looking for/want. This way they donít waste any time with someone whoís looking for something different).

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •