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Thread: Asking someone about their recreational drug use

  1. #11
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dmveep
    We havenít discussed relationship goals yet. Do you think the 4-5 date is too early for that? I donít mean asking for a commitment but just asking what she is seeking in a love interest such as a casual, long-term, marriage, kids vs no kids?
    No, it's not too early at the 4 - 5 date. Ask her not only about her drug use but also her opinion and thoughts regarding a casual, long term relationship, marriage or no kids. Better to know now than waste your time and energy on someone who doesn't share your same serious future goals.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    Any reason you didnt ask her when she bought it up? Seemed like the perfect time to discuss it.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Move on.

    She's a druggie, what more do you need to know?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I will explain more in depth.

    First of all..the thing that jumps out at me was the fact that her brother overdosed. That doesn't happen unless there is an addiction problem. Addiction problems normally run in a family.

    Secondly, I know a lot of people smoke weed, etc. I personally am not accepting of it, however, a lot of people are. That's fine. To each their own.
    But heavier drugs like she described, are just a no no.

    Those types of drugs can make a person out of control and if she's willing to take harder drugs, she's not far off from having serious problems.
    She also talks nonchalant about it, which leads me to believe that this IS her lifestyle.

    She's used to drugs, she's used to being around drugs and this is going to be a stable thing in her life one way or another.

    It definitely does not go together with marriage and children, in fact, it's the absolute opposite of what would work.

    If you want to keep her as a friend, that's your call, but as for a mother and a wife...that's a huge NO.

    Or you can venture down that rabbit hole and eventually find out that what I am telling you is true, but it will be much worse if there is children involved and a marriage.

    Why waste your time when there is many other dating options on the dating sites?

    I say throw this one back and go searching again.

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  6. #15
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^what SherrySher said. She's very, very correct. I agree!

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Having deal breakers is not "judgmental". Either her drug history/use puts you off and you go no further or you tolerate it. You never dated nor asked her out so just don't bother since you already know she has behavior you don't like. It's that simple.

    Keep in mind you can't fix, change, control or tell people what to do. Dating is a take it or leave it situation.
    Originally Posted by dmveep
    I really hit things off with a woman recently. She mentioned using weed based edibles frequently, which doesnít bother me at all. She also mentioned using some psychedelic type drugs on a single occasion, which I would personally never consider using at this point in my life.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by dmveep
    We havenít discussed relationship goals yet. Do you think the 4-5 date is too early for that? I donít mean asking for a commitment but just asking what she is seeking in a love interest such as a casual, long-term, marriage, kids vs no kids?
    Is 4-5 coffee outings with a new friend too early to ask what their interests are? Talk about drugs.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dmveep
    We havenít discussed relationship goals yet. Do you think the 4-5 date is too early for that? I donít mean asking for a commitment but just asking what she is seeking in a love interest such as a casual, long-term, marriage, kids vs no kids?
    This is the stuff of very first meetings to learn whether you're screening the person out or in.

    Iíd like to know more about the frequency and types of drugs she uses as well as if she wants a partner who also does them.
    This makes no sense. It sounds as though you're too busy questioning whether she'd want to screen YOU out rather than the other way around.

    The goal of dating is to screen out bad matches until you find a good one, not to keep hanging onto anyone who will date you in order to hope they'll somehow evolve into a good match for you.

    Drugs are a dealbreaker for healthy people who want a healthy partner. That's not judgmental, it's sane and reasonable.

  10. #19
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    Just ask her. If she gets offended then oh well.

    Not wanting drugs anywhere near you is a right in my opinion. If she's mature she'll understand that with no questions asked.

    Also, not sure how old you are but personally I think once you hit a certain age certain drugs like psychedelics should be off limits. I understand pot, it's just the culture we're in...some people see it as the equivalent of their nightly glass of wine. But psychedelics are a different story... that's someone whos coming home from work and setting a few hours of their day aside just to trip.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by dmveep
    I have a number of close friends who still smoke pot regularly and use other drugs on rare occasion. It doesnít affect our friendship at all and itís legal in our area. I still like to go out for drinks and even stay out late sometimes but Iím more focused on wanting marriage and children.

    I feel like asking about her habits will only give me an idea of how she views herself. I donít think occasional psychedelic drug use is necessarily a deal breaker, but regular use probably is.
    I would consider it a deal breaker personally and I think it says a lot about the person she is and how she views her life... pot is okay anything else kind of comes off as unstable and unmotivated.

    Imagine a druggie high schooler, at least there's financial limits... a high schooler most likely won't make enough money to maintain an actual drug problem unless someone is enabling them.

    But an adult? Someone who has more financial freedom and still chooses drugs over the billion other things she can put her money towards? Not someone you want to mix with. That can get really bad very quick

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