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Thread: Project Dating!

  1. #221
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    Quick update (since I've not posted in here for a couple of weeks):

    Things have faded a bit with Heather. I started to get a sense that I was putting in a lot more effort with the communication etc than she was (i.e. it was almost always me initiating, almost always me suggesting Skype) so, 4 days ago, I thought 'I'll take a bit of a back seat here, see if she contacts me' but, in those 4 days, she hasn't. Which I'm disappointed about because I would like to see her again. But, at the same time, I do think that in any dating situation, there should be efforts being made from both sides, it shouldn't be 90% one way, 10% the other.

    So I've been making a bit more of an effort with Tinder. Maybe a small part of me still likes getting messages as a bit of an ego boost but I think moreso that there's an expectation of the lockdown being relaxed in the next few weeks, so it may be possible to meet people again - which kind of makes the messaging more 'worth the effort'.

    I've been keeping busy in general too and making a huge effort with diet and fitness, which I'd neglected a bit for a few months, and I'm feeling really good for it.

  2. #222
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    That's a great plan about the exercise!! It does wonders for my mood and outlook too.

  3. #223
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    Yeah, same!

    Few updates: it is all over with Heather. I actually decided to give her a final shot after posting that last message, but this ended up just confirming what I was originally suspecting, that she wasn't putting in the effort. I dropped her a message saying 'how you getting on? etc etc Fancy skyping in the next few days?'. In her reply, she answered everything apart from the Skype question and I had to say 'You didn't answer the Skype question!'. We then did arrange a Skype for Wednesday which, once again she ended up putting back half an hour, then another half an hour, then finally cancelling once again. So I just left it (I was just going to leave it and not message again, I didn't think it needed a formal 'break up message' after only 3 in-person dates) but then after 5 days, she sent me one herself. I must admit to being a bit disappointed at how everything faded out as I had initially thought there was some long-term potential there and I had made a couple of months of investment with her, even though it was only 3 in-person dates due to the lockdown.

    Anyway, in the meantime, I'd got chatting to a new girl, Cayley, on Tinder and we had a really good video date on Friday night. We've also been talking about meeting in person this Saturday - here in the UK, the lockdown rules have now changed - you can now go and meet someone from outside your household in a park or outdoor space, so long as you still social distance. So we're talking about going for a walk 2 or more metres apart in a nature reserve this Saturday.

    I've also got a 2nd Zoom date with Tricia this Friday (we had a 1st zoom date a few weeks ago). We've been texting and flirting quite a bit but not actually arranged another video chat until now.

  4. #224
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    Thought I'd update this, though I haven't for a while - I find it easier to motivate myself to write this when I've got some good news. Whereas when my news is just 'this person flaked, this person stopped replying, I had this date but there was no connection etc etc', I find it slightly depressing to write, even though I know that what I've just described is how the majority of dating is.

    So anyway, I have got some promising news. I had a 1st date with a girl called Alana on Sunday night that went really well. We had a nice connection, she was attractive, easy to chat to, decent banter and we're playing online scrabble together tonight. So that's promising.

    In general, I've put more into the dating over the past few weeks with lockdown starting to ease. It all felt a bit pointless during the middle of lockdown and it felt like there were more people on there just for swiping entertainment, i.e. I was getting few replies etc.

    Cayley, who I mentioned in my last post, bailed on the meet as she 'wasn't ready to date'.

    Tricia I met with, nice person but no connection.

    Melissa I met with a month ago. Quite liked her actually and would've met her again but she bailed on a 2nd meet.

    Claire I met 2 weeks ago. Nice person but no connection.

    Joni I met last week. Could tell within a minute or 2 that it was going to be like getting blood out of a stone with her. This meet left me feeling pretty rubbish (partly because it had been quite a drive to go and meet her) and I resolved afterwards to ask for a quick video chat first with anyone who wasn't local.

    Abbie I met 2 weeks ago. Now this was an interesting one. I was hugely attracted to Abbie! And we got on really well, lots of chat, banter and laughing, a terrific date. That evening, we carried on texting, same as we had before but then after a few messages, she said to me 'I want to be upfront with you, I wasn't sure if I felt a spark when we met today. But we got on really well and I had a great time, you really made me laugh etc etc'. She actually then said that she would be open to meeting again but 'wanted to be honest about the spark thing' (or words along those lines).
    Now this is where I cocked up! I attributed the 'no spark' thing to the fact that our date had been totally platonic due to socially distanced i.e. there'd been no physical contact, no hand holding, no kissing etc. And these things have always happened on any date I've been on in the past that's been successful (i.e. led to a 2nd date). So in my head, I saw it as 'no physical contact = no sparks' and that's where Abbie's 'no sparks' thing had come from. So I decided I needed to make her think of me in a more physical / sexual way. So I sent her a message saying 'you'd have felt some sparks if we'd kissed ya know etc etc' to which she didn't reply and then deleted me.
    I kicked myself quite hard for that. It wasn't that bad a message and I know a lot of other people I've dated in the past would have just bantered back, whereas Abbie was obviously more sensitive to that sort of flirty message. But given that she'd already said she was open to a 2nd meet in spite of the unsure about the spark stuff, it was a risk I didn't need to take.

    Anyway, moving forwards, I'm looking forward to seeing what happens with Alana. Something I am conscious of (and I know I am thinking ahead here) is what's going to happen moving forwards. Because IMO social distancing will be a thing for many months yet. If theoretically I keep seeing her, it could be 6 / 9 months before we can legally touch / kiss! In the Netherlands, they've actually recommended that single people get 'a sex buddy but only one'! Not sure if our government will be quite so liberal..........

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  6. #225
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    Wow what a detailed update! I don't think a spark requires any physical contact at all just the desire to do so although sometimes a kiss ignites it. I think your text crossed boundaries with a near stranger especially since it was typed words which come across stronger. Also it was kind of arrogant -again if in person the person can see your demeanor and energy. But it sounds like she had one foot out the door by at least 6 feet LOL.

    Good luck with Alana!

  7. #226
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    Wow what a detailed update!

    I thought it was pretty brief for 2 months!

    sometimes a kiss ignites it.

    That's kind of what I was getting at. As I said, I've never (in all my years of dating) being on a no physical contact 1st date that has then led to a 2nd date. Although having said that, me and Alana social distanced on our date on Sunday so that could yet be a first for me!

    I think your text crossed boundaries with a near stranger especially since it was typed words which come across stronger

    I saw it as one of those things that could either be fine or could be 'inappropriate' depending on the audience. Myself and Abbie had had such good banter on our date that I didn't think she'd see it as inappropriate. But obviously I misjudged! One thing I have learnt in the past was how differently something can be received in person compared to on a text.

    Good luck with Alana!

    Thankyou!

  8. #227
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    Two months during a pandemic - you managed to interact plenty ! I was proud of myself for interacting with my favorite librarian today who I haven’t seen since pre covid lol. I wouldn’t take chances with overly flirty texts with people you’ve never met. I’ve felt strong chemistry with no physical contact so I answered based on my personal experience.

  9. #228
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    Two months during a pandemic - you managed to interact plenty ! I was proud of myself for interacting with my favorite librarian today who I haven’t seen since pre covid lol

    To be fair, we've been able to do quite a bit of outdoor interacting here for a while now - for the past month, groups of 6 have been allowed to meet outdoors and for probably 2 weeks before that, meeting 1 other person outdoors was fine (which obviously allows a socially distanced outdoor date). Plus I've had more evenings free than I would do normally (I would normally work a lot of evenings) so it's seemed like a good time to have a few dates.

    I wouldn’t take chances with overly flirty texts with people you’ve never met. I’ve felt strong chemistry with no physical contact so I answered based on my personal experience.

    We had met (earlier that day). But yes I agree with what you're saying. I guess I was trying to rationalise in my head where on earth the 'no spark' thing had come from (because, in person, we had hit it off so insanely well!) and the one thing I could come up with was maybe that because we'd only acted like platonic friends (due to social distancing), this had, in her mind, caused her to only think of me as a platonic friend. But yes, as you say, people can feel that chemistry without physical contact (and to be fair, I felt that myself, despite the lack of contact!). Ahhh well, I'm not dwelling on it. I'm only really thinking about it again today because I'm writing this journal!

  10. #229
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I had INSANE chemistry with a guy I hadn't even had a conversation with. I was standing there talking to one of his friends and he happened to walk past and his friend introduced us. It was like in the movies, the skies cleared and the moon shone down and I heard the "aaaaahhhhhhh" from the heavens as we locked eyes. And it wasn't just me, he said he felt it too (later on, when we knew each other better).

    And I've met plenty of perfectly nice men who I enjoyed chatting with, but I could never picture myself kissing them. And that's kind of the test I used; can I imagine myself naked with this man? Would I want sex with him? If not, it's a no go no matter how good the conversation is.

    But hey, you have more options so that's great.

    PS: In these times I wouldn't attempt physical contact without her consent. People are rightfully gun shy about standing near someone else let alone holding hands or kissing.

  11. #230
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    And that's kind of the test I used; can I imagine myself naked with this man? Would I want sex with him? If not, it's a no go no matter how good the conversation is.

    Yup, I agree. Out of interest, would you say there was anything in particular that made you think 'yeah I want sex with him' and 'no, not with him'?

    To update, Alana has declined a 2nd date due to the distance (we live 45 minutes apart, which she knew from the start). Ironically enough, I posted on someone else's thread yesterday saying 'a great 1st date often doesn't lead to a 2nd' and I've instantly had a further reminder of this myself!
    I must admit, I'm starting to get frustrated about how often it's happening (after literally 75% of my good / great 1st dates, they bail on the 2nd date). I get that sometimes I make mistakes (like I did with Abbie) but I'm also starting to wonder if I ought to try a paid service rather than Tinder, where more people are more serious about looking to meet someone.

    My reservation about this are:
    Firstly, there's a hell of a lot more people on Tinder than there are some paid services. I've used paid sites a couple of times in the past and it wasn't long before I was just seeing the same faces again and again.
    Secondly, my experience on Match (which I'd always thought of as the main paid service) wasn't good. I found that the majority of my messages never got read (you got a read receipt) and I got the impression that many of the profiles on there were people who'd long since stopped subscribing. After my subscription ended, I kept getting the emails saying 'this person has viewed your profile etc' so I'm guessing that, similarly, these women didn't know that I wasn't a subscribed member either.

    Be interested to see what people think of free v paid sites and if there's any in particular that people have had better experiences with.

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